I opened up my Spotify this morning so I had something playing in the background and looked at Reputation because that is what I am feeling lately.  Very much in my Look What You Made Me Do era and as I was deciding what song I would start with I realized that today, after this last weekend I am not feeling real Reputation anymore.  I need to revisit 1989 because that was when I was getting through some shit and it helped. That is when Spotify suggested a playlist of songs it put together for me with the playlist titled -soul crushing wanderlust monday early morning.  It of course starts with Hozier because …Hozier.  The first song is All Things End.  Oh Spotify, you get out of my head!
Every weekend I try to process something and use this time alone and on my own to work through shit.
Friday and Saturday was good. Sunday, not so much. I struggled on Sunday and I sat with it, sat with the uncomfortable feelings I had firing through me like atoms bouncing around.  Asking myself all the hard questions and snarling at the answers I concluded with.
Now it’s Monday and I am still snarling.
These are some things I’ve changed in my life in the last few months because the post I was going to write pissed me off at 7  in the morning.

I get up in the morning and make the bed and I don’t get back into it until it’s time to sleep. It’s for sleeping now.  I have no TV in my room and outside of using my phone for listening to audiobooks before bed, there is no screen time in there. It’s a fucking beautiful room, but unlike before I don’t spend time in there until it’s time to.
My living room is where you’ll find me. I’m writing, catching up on the photos and staring at what I have created here in such a short amount of time.  You’d find my dog passed out on the back of the couch.
Outside of quiet music playing sometimes, it’s silence.  I am learning to not always try to burn out thinking about the hard things in my life and the ends I have lived through.
I’ve lived about 100 lives in this one.  I can’t imagine what the pasts ones went through.

Okay, it’s a soul crushing Monday and I’ve been up since 5am. It might be time to get ready to go turn my time over for a paycheck.