Been digging deep recently. I missed my Monday meeting because I was coming back from visiting my sister. It was one of those awesome trips where I got to visit with my family.  We got my mother’s headstone put in.   It was a great weekend.
The hard part was on Tuesday when I just got pissed off for  no reason.  Well, there are reasons, but they are from my past and nothing to do with with the person I am now.  Just feeling really pissy and triggered.

This morning was a struggle with numerous alarm snoozes.  Murphy decided at 7:45 that he was over me not getting up and pulled the covers down.  I scrambled to make myself coffee and get in the shower.  When I got out of the shower I looked at my bathroom counter and saw the coffee waiting for me and I did a half smile and inwardly said, “Awww.”
It was me that made the coffee for myself before I got in, but just seeing it there waiting sparked something in me that made me happy.
I gave myself time to acknowledge that I am good for me, I can take care of me and I can spoil me.  I started singing “I can buy myself flowers..” but changed it to “I can make myself coffee..”
In my past relationship I was spoiled. I will never deny that. The acts of kindness is my love language and I would wake up on the weekend and he would have coffee waiting for me on the night stand.  Never taking that for granted was one of the things I am proud of.   He taught me that I deserve to be spoiled a little bit and that is something I will hold on to and do for myself moving forward.  Going through this alone is one of the smarter things I have done for myself. I wouldn’t have seen that this morning if I was with someone. To be able to appreciate my past relationship for a moment this morning and not be sad for it being over, sad for having to figure out who I am now and happy for what new things I will find out on this journey.

It’s the little things right?