I woke up this morning thinking about Grandma.   She use to love her coffee.  A pot was always either sitting there or she was brewing up some.  I wonder how many cans of Yuban that woman went through?
The thought occurred to me that she never really had a good cup of coffee.  Never had a cup of Peets or Starbucks.

My mom and I use to wish we could have one more day with my grandpa. We would talk about the things we would do.  One night I had a dream about just that happening and I had to call my mother the next morning and tell her all that had happened.  Grandpa was pissed that we took him away from Heaven for the day.  He was happy where he was and here we are being all selfish wanting him to do earthly things with us to make ourselves feel better.  Needless to say, he was more of a pain in the ass in my dream that he was in real life…and that is saying a lot.
My mother and I never played the ‘what if’ game again.

Today I would like to with my grandma.

If I had one more day with my grandma I would take her for a world wind tour of coffee drinking.  She would enjoy that.  Maybe later that night I would get her a glass of wine that didn’t come out of a big gallon jug.   I would ask her a million questions about all the things I had forgot to ask her when I should have been paying attention.
I would ask about her first true love, what her favorite smell was, had she ever traveled anywhere outside of California.
As the night came to an end I would sit in my chair next to her rocker as we watched television and I wouldn’t roll my eyes when she talked to the people on tv.

I wonder what it is that my children will say after I have been gone for 16 years?  Will some new camera be made that they will say, “God, remember when mom had to shoot with that digital crap? I wish she could see this!”  or will they say, “I wish mom could have seen THIS.” as they look out on a picturesque landscape?
My friend, Ruka made a good point when she said that they might remember how much I enjoyed things that I did get to see and do.
I guess it’s time to get to seeing and doing things.  You know…for my kids and all.

April 5, 2009 — Rode a bike for the first time in 9 years.