That drive home is killing me.  That is way too much time in my own head to think about things.

I did smile when I saw this old man out on the side of the road playing catch with his two labs.  I can still smile at the small things and the joy of an old man still able to care enough to still go out and toss a ball for his dogs was something that made me realize that I’m not going to be that person who I was before.

I’ve changed in the last 7 years. I have found that I can be pushed to the limits that no woman should ever be pushed and asked to do things that no one should ever consider doing.  During those times, I not only went above what anyone else would have done, but thrived and learned from it.

Van Morrison was my on my playlist on the way home today.  Bright side of the road.  I love that song. It got me through a hard time in my past and I was hoping it would make me feel better today.  It ‘sorta’ did.  He says, “help me share my load..” and I realized, I don’t want help.  I didn’t want help before, but I allowed it.  This time around, I don’t want to share this load of mine. This is the rest of my life….MY life.
“Warm Love” was the song that sealed the deal.  There is love everywhere around us.  That old man and his dogs. My daughter sitting on the couch smiling up at me from her math book…smiling even though she’s confused and scared. My dumb dog that escapes every time the door is opened.  My friends calling and leaving me messages.
There is love all around me and I will enjoy that love. I do not need my own.

Today, I’m going to be okay.