I bit the bullet yesterday and joined a gym that only charges me $5.00 a month to try to break their equipment. If I didn’t start using it the day I got the membership, It would sit there unused for 2 years, so I had to go buy some workout clothes.

After an hour with ‘Cita in Target trying on work out pants we decided that there is no ‘like’ in Lycra. EVERY DAMN DIMPLE IN MY ASS – EXPOSED!

Today we went again. The promise of a coffee afterward is the only thing that kept me from throwing my cheap 2 dollar radio at the Buns of Steel woman in front of me on the stair climber.
On the way back from the coffee place we dropped into a nail shop to check the prices. I grabbed a sheet and on the way home ‘Cita read the descriptions of everything.

“Pedicures that come with EVERYTHING are only 35 bucks. Not bad.” The brochure was a copied sheet of paper with many misspellings and fragmented words. welcome walkins. we do nails and foot nice. you satisfaction is sure.

“Lip waxing.” ‘Cita announced from the backseat.

Then in one of those moments where I am certain that my mother really did give birth to me, I asked…”Do you think they mean…like Brazilain wax…like your pussy lips?”

The van was silent for a second before the sound of Shaun and ‘Cita laughing almost made my ears bleed.

“What?” I was laughing too, but not really certain just why yet. They were laughing so hard they were crying, so it must have been something totally funny.

“Kristine…LIPS.” ‘Cita says. In my mind…I see…down there type of lips. I turn around and ‘Cita is touching her lips on her face. “LIPS!” she’s still cracking up and I am still just clueless.

“Why would you wax your lips?” The laughter gets louder and Shaun almost pulls the van over.

“YOUR UPPER LIP!” and she motions to the hair above your lips.
Now why wouldn’t they just put ‘UPPER LIP’ and not confuse the people? I would have DIED of embarrassment if I had gone in there, tossed my $5.00 on the counter and dropped my britches asking for a ‘lip wax’.

I'm a lot of things, but mostly I'm just Random and Odd.