Random and Odd


It feels like I am at a stop sign to a busy street and instead of trying to find a spot to get in, i’m sitting there staring off into space with no interest to move forward.

There is a girl power- fight song on the radio and I know I should be able to let all this go, but it’s wrapped around me like a blanket.  I have no interest in fighting this sadness.

The lyrics of the song is still poking me.  Yes, I know…shake it off, pull yourself into the light you belong and stop having your wishbone where you oughta have a backbone.  Lyrics, songs, memes, all of them flooding me and trying to build myself back up from the ruins of the life I actively participated in.
There is a gap in the traffic. No. I am not leaving this stop light until I figure out where I am going.
I can’t go back, that’s not an option. Moving forward and seeing myself past the next 60 seconds seems like an impossible task.
People are waving me in, “Come on, there is plenty of room for you.”
All I have to do is just move forward, but i’m shaking my head violently NO. NO I CAN’T! I can’t leave here because if I leave here…I can’t ever come back.  
No. I can’t ever come back anyway so why I am waiting here? Why am I actively putting myself in a waiting room?
Someone is going to pull up behind me and I am going to have to move. Oh God, please don’t make me move from this spot. Please God, get me out of this spot.

I'm a lot of things, but mostly I'm just Random and Odd.