Yes, it’s as good as I had hoped.

Author: randomandodd  |  Category: Random


2.365, originally uploaded by Suddenly Single.

I woke up on 1/1/11 and my arms felt like I had worked out for 17 straight hours.
Matt, Leslie, Kara, Jordan and I were playing Let’s Dance 2 all night. I’m pretty sure, Proud Mary was the one that did me in.

After the house was empty I started on laundry, a prime rib roast and relaxing. I was successful with all three.
I also started the no smoking promise I had made.

I went through every stage. Throwing away all the butts, dismantling my smoking spot and getting rid of my smokes.
By 5pm I had dug through my car looking for one smoke left in a box, digging through the trash to see if there was a butt big enough to light and checking all my pockets for a pack that might have been left in there. I found one and I smoked it with enthusiasm of sex deprived addict. I waited for the guilt to kick in. Nope, it wasn’t there. I felt no guilt what so ever. Why was I quitting in the first place? I love this!

As I climbed the stairs back to my room to brush the taste out of my mouth, my legs started hurting. It had been a few days since I had been the gym or done any kind of walking. Oh yeah, this is why I was quitting. Not because I made a vow with my sister or I wanted to be a good role model. I was doing it because I want to be able to push myself further than I thought I could go. This smoking thing is slowing me down. Damn it. I’m going to have to remember that the next time I am tossing the contents of my trunk on the garage floor because there MIGHT be a half a pack of stale smokes in there.

This morning I woke up and remembered this is another day I won’t be smoking. Instead of smile, I sighed.
The worst part of this is the catch 22. Today I go back to the gym and I push myself again, possibly farther than I could in the past…but I won’t be able to reward myself with a smoke.
Yes, I see the stupidity in all of this. Yes, I know how stupid I looked lighting up a smoke before I even had the car started to head home from the gym.

I’m going to have to just knock myself out when I get home from the gym to forget the joy of those quiet moments in the garage smoking, playing Angry Birds or texting with a friend.

5 Responses to “Yes, it’s as good as I had hoped.”

  1. ~Easy Says:

    Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I quit back in 1985 and I still get a craving every so often.

    Toothpicks helped me. When you get in the car, put a toothpick in your mouth. Open a beer, put in a toothpick. If you want to reward yourself after a workout, make it a cinnamon toothpick ;-)

    You may look like Daisy Duke with a toothpick in your mouth, but it really does help.

  2. Arlene Says:

    Hi! I haven’t read in quite some time, but decided to come back since I saw you on Meesh’s FB today :-) Hmm, I think I missed you ;-) Don’t worry, I mean that in the least creepy way possible!
    Anyways, I’m writing on a different blog now, and I’m not sure if you remember me, but I plan on haunting again if that’s ok :-)
    I watched my husband quit smoking, and I have to say, it turned a sane and patient man into an angry man that wanted to stab people in the face regularly. Luckily I’m smart, and I kept my distance…face still intact ;-)
    Good luck. Like I said, I read a few years ago, and I know you’ve been through it. If you can make it through the shit you went through before, you can TOTALLY kill this girl!!!

  3. Melissa Says:

    quitting smoking…oh i feel your pain.

    i LOVE LOVE LOVE to smoke…but i am coming up on 4 years of no smoking.

    i dream of the day when i will smoke again…second hand smoke is my friend…i want one every single day…but i don’t.

    i survived drinking really cold water…lots and lots of really cold water.

    good luck…

  4. Kristine Says:

    Thanks everyone. Its a new road for me!

  5. justme Says:

    I feel your pain lol. I have quit several times! When I was younger I didn’t really smoke that much (pack maybe a week) then quit for pregnancy, started again, quit for same reason twice more. Last one I didn’t go back for around 5 years, got divorced and started again. This time I went up to close to a pack a day! It was awful so I quit for almost a year and then started again. Bad me! I am still smoking but I am back to only a pack every 4-7 days.(depends on if there is wine involved lol)and now that I live in a cold weather region (and it is freaking cold!)its sometimes even less because there has always been a no smoking in the house rule. Not fair to the kiddos. I am more of a social smoker I guess (which I am lucky, I know. One of the rare)For me it is all about sitting out on the deck with a glass of wine! (can’t do that in January in New England (gawd do I hate living here!) Anyway, even tho I don’t smoke that much, I still smoke! Let there be no cigs in the house and I am a mad women lol. Addictions suck. Wine and coffee first thing in the mornings are my triggers. Try and avoid your triggers!