TO DO LIST: Make sure Kara understands she is worthy of LOVE

Author: randomandodd  |  Category: Random

By the grace of God I will not let her believe she isn’t worthy of the love she deserves.
She doesn’t need to believe the shit those boys in 8th grade say to her.
YES, she is different. NO, she isn’t a cheerleader or a popular. YES, she has a weird sense of humor. NO, she isn’t the smartest girl in school.
BUT SCREW YOU, she is BETTER than all those girls will EVER be.

OH, the places she will go.  She will will travel and see the world. She will graduate from college and prove you wrong.  She will be beautiful and when she smiles…all of her teeth will be in the exact place they should be.  Her personality will make you wish you had given her the time of day.  She won’t remember you though. You know who she will remember? She will remember Kyle Hudgins and how you all picked on him and how he ALWAYS had her back.  She will remember his friendship and respect him for it.  YOU will not get that respect because you wouldn’t sit next to her in the gym because she was ‘different’.  For the girls who pick and tease her, you will also not be remembered.  She will remember Avery and how Avery was always there to understand her silly jokes and call her when she was down.
She will meet someone who will love her for ALL that she is.  Weird, dorky, funny, beautiful and SMART.

But, dear God…give me the strength to teach her these things, that she IS worthy of all of this. Don’t let her settle for the first person that shows her attention.  Let me be smart enough to teach her that she is SMART and she is BEAUTIFUL and SO SO SO WORTHY.  She doesn’t deserve to ever feel trapped, unloved, scared and pushed into a corner.

Kinda deep for a To Do List huh?

Did you play?

64 Responses to “TO DO LIST: Make sure Kara understands she is worthy of LOVE”

  1. Karoli Says:

    Amen, amen. I have the same ‘to-do’ on my list for my 7th grade daughter.

    I consider it a blessing that she’s had to fight over the noise of drums and a very strong brother for recognition — it’s taught her not to count on anyone but herself as she is today.

    But that could change tomorrow, and please God let me make sure it doesn’t.

    I do think dads, stepdads, and strong males in their lives count for a lot when it comes to daughters and their sense of place.

  2. Maria Says:

    She is unique and special.

    You’re the best Mom.

  3. Connie Says:

    Nice. I played too.

  4. Connie Says:

    Yes it is deep but I hope she understands. You have hand writing that looks like mine.

  5. Fran Says:

    Kara sounds like me when I was younger. I’m still weird , I still eat alone but I love eatting alone. Because I love myself and who I am. It sounds to me like you are giving this to Kara. You can see the light in her eyes. GO MOM!!!

  6. Lee Says:

    you’re a good mom, Kristine….I’m sure you’ll get the message across to her :)

    I played too…kinda

  7. Lisa Says:

    That is a serious list. It’s also the best thing you could ever give her. You are a great mom!

    My much simpler list is up.

  8. Sharon Says:

    It’s been months, but I played!

  9. Teena Says:

    Deep but lovely :)

    I love the new look!

    I played too :)

  10. Army of Mom Says:

    My to-do list is a little more of the day-to-day drudgery.

    I played.

  11. Army of Mom Says:

    Oh, and let me add that your daughter is gorgeous. I can’t imagine anyone else not thinking so …

  12. melanie Says:

    Not too deep at all. Excellent in fact. I’m going through the same thing with my 9 year old son right now and it just makes me want to go to school and punch those little bully’s out! Kids are so cruel. My son is so cool and smart and funny and he’s a fantastic artist, but he doesn’t see that. All he sees is that the kids pick on him because he has buck teeth (can’t get braces for another year or so) and that he’s shy. God it pisses me off!

    I’m sure that you’ll be able to convey to her how beautiful, smart and funny she is. I think you’re an excellent mom. And I really love that “beating them on Sunday” thing. I’ve started doing it too and I just wanted to tell you how well it works;)

    I didn’t play and my blog is not open to the public, but you are welcome to an invitation if you want one(just email me at seahorseatl at gmail dot com) I read you everyday and have been for over 2 years now. I also know that you don’t get a lot of time to read everyone’s blogs so it’s no big deal if you don’t want to read mine. I don’t comment much here….but I DO read everyday and occasionally play SPF.

    I’ll shut up now. Have a great day!

  13. SuZan Says:

    Great to-do list. It reminds me of the letter I wrote to my son before he was born.

    I played too! Have a great weekend!

  14. *jcg Says:

    it’s funny — the popular kids in school have turned into utter “nothings” and those of us that weren’t quite IT have become very successful. not easy to understand at that age, but quite humorous later on in life!

  15. Susie Says:

    This is beautiful, and breaks my heart, thinking of my own daughter and how I sometimes see her act like someone other than who I know her to be, in order to get the approval of people with more . . . something than she thinks she has. Your love and constant support will keep Kara’s heart, mind and body safe.

    And if that doesn’t seem to be enough, I am available to go to school with you and kick some ass. Let me know while I still have ass-kicking ability.

  16. Kami Says:

    Awwwww. Don’t make the Texas bitches come to Cali and kick some little ass.

    Kara IS beautiful, and she has a GREAT family. Those bitches are just jealous.

  17. christie Says:

    Great list.
    I agree- having our kids grow up happy, healthy and full of self worth should be at the top of our “lists”

    I played

  18. Hippielalah Says:

    Hey! I’ve been lurking around here and I wanted to jump in the SPF game.

    I finally played! and it was fun!

  19. SuperChick Says:

    Awesome! You are a wonderful mother for recognizing what is happening with your daughter.

    I wasn’t the cheerleader, or the she-jock, or the brain… It is tough to fall somewhere in the middle. But I’m glad to hear she has a couple of friends that understand and love her for who she is.

  20. The Kept Woman Says:

    Teenage girls suck.

    Not Kara but the conformation and cruelty that can happen if you don’t conform.

    (sigh) I wish you the best…I’ll be there in 10 years.

    I played but my list isn’t nearly as deep or thoughtful.

  21. Leane Says:

    Tell her this:
    At my highschool reunion the “Popular” girls were the most aged/all much heavier and they also behaved like they were still in fifth grade. Those of us who were kind to everyone–looked better than those girls ever did. The world works in mysterious ways and this is a true story :)

  22. Katie Says:

    She may not realize it now, but when she is older she will look back and know how much she was loved.

    I played

  23. little sister Says:

    You’re the best mom, Kristine! Kara may not always agree on that these days (or for many days ahead), but she will later, because you’ve set an example of what’s right. And that’s what makes a person really beautiful :)

  24. shell Says:

    I was the same as her.

    Tell her it ALL changes when she goes to college. I even went to our local community college and suddenly everything disappears…no more cliques, no more groups, no more you can’t do this because you’re different than us non-sense. Tell her to hang in there. I PROMISE it’s all better later.

    Plus I am a lot more successful than the majority of people I went to school with. I may be different but it seems to be a good thing in the working world.
    :-)

  25. Tammy Says:

    Those kids at school are bastards. There will come a day when they will be sorry for what they said because she will be hot and they will be pining for her.

    I played.

  26. Karen Says:

    You must have the real Kara hidden somewhere. The pictures I’ve seen of ALL of your children show really, really beautiful kids. I don’t have to say that I don’t know you. I honestly think she is a beauty.
    Kids are mean, they just are. Once you get to college you’re with a whole group of people who are interested in bettering themselves and getting through then who is whom. Its just hard getting there.
    Tell her she’s a beauty.
    Oh, and my husband, a nuclear engineer by degree was attracted to my weird sense of humor and I his.

  27. Pissy Says:

    She is beautiful and smart and funny.
    I know these things..I met her.

    Who’s ass do we need to come kick for her?

  28. Missy Says:

    Oh my that brought tears to my eyes. How do you teach that? I would much rather my daughter be unique than a popular. I want her to be herself and to find true friends. You are an amazing mom.

    Oh and I played.

  29. deneen Says:

    I tell my oldest daughter-when she comes home upset by the latest insult, etc.-that in a couple of years none of this will matter. You will graduate-go off to college-and none of this petty spiteful crap will matter. And she finally gets it-she understands.

    And then I tell her that one day-maybe 20 years after she graduates, she will bump into that guy from school. And he will tell her “if he knew what life was really like that it would have been her” and she will smile.

  30. dashababy Says:

    Don’t worry sis. The one thing that Kara has that we didn’t, is 2 fathers that reinforce how beautiful and special she is so she won’t fall for the first guy who shows her some attention.
    And oh yes, she will remember those that were mean to her. I know I do.

    Kara is not just beautiful, she is kind and thoughtful and that will last alot longer than her outer beauty.
    All of this shit she’s going through is only going to make her a stronger person for it.

  31. Redhead Mommy Says:

    I long for the ability to inject my daughter with the realization that middle school is just a blip on the map. I feel for you, because I was the girl that you don’t want your daughter to be, the one who took whatever attention was shown to her.

  32. Redhead Mommy Says:

    Oh yeah, and I played, too. However, my list is so much more mundane!

  33. randomandodd Says:

    Wow you guys. Your comments made me cry.

    *hug* I love you!

  34. Kirsten Says:

    This age can be so hard. My mom gave us some dating rules that really helped.

    1) Be aware of how they treated those who came before you, most guys don’t change that dramatically

    2) When a guy tells you they are bad news, believe them. They usually tell the truth.

    3) Watch how they treat their mother, it’s indicative of how they will treat you.

    4) Watch how their father treats their mother, it’s where they learned it.

    5) If you don’t like their friends, remember there is a reason they are hanging around them.

    6) Don’t trust it when they tell you they love you before around three months. It takes a while for lust to turn to love.

    I can’t remember the other 4.

    You are doing a wonderful job with her!

    I played.

  35. Susan Says:

    I’ve never understood how the real jerks get to be popular. Why does anyone like them?

    The thing is, their star shines now and quickly bursts…they have nothing but their “glory days” back in high school

    The real people…the ones like Kara, start to shine and it doesn’t fade out. Because they are made of something good and wonderful. That’s the important thing.

    I played…but not nearly as profound as you did…

  36. san Says:

    Yeah, I am with Karen…the photos that you showed us can’t be of Kara, because she’s beautiful and very special and I can’t imagine that ANYONE is mean to her.
    Tell her that we all love her too.

  37. kip Says:

    wow kristine,

    i want to be THAT kind of mom. the kind YOU are… that writes a letter like this, and even more importantly, that is concerned and focused on her kids feeling loved and secure and worth every ounce that they are… and making sure they KNOW they deserve SO MUCH and not just settling for ~whatever~

    its going to be many years before i have a teenage who needs to know this…but i think i am going to print our your letter to Kara and start a book of wanna-be-mom-things so i remember things like this.

    your kids are lucky they have parents that love them and care so much!

    *hugs* backatcha!!!
    kip

    [i might be playin’ today…if i am not too lazy to write a list – i’ll post back if i DO play]

  38. Arlene Says:

    GOD kids are mean, and school is so hard, and 8th grade can be hell! Poor girl :-( I played too…mine’s not deep at all :-)

  39. Kelly Says:

    As a once “geeky” girl in Jr. High, I agree with you 100%! Such a hard lesson to sink in, but with your help it will!

    I played!

  40. Liza Says:

    i wish you were my mommy. i wish that my mommy would have taken the time to care about me the way you do with your daughters. 8th grade is a shitty time in life. not yet a high schooler but getting older and smarter and realizing that you’re stuck between being a kid and being a teenager. boys are cruel, girls are even crueler. my 8th grade year sucked so much that i actually blocked most of it out and don’t remember a lot until my older brother reminds me of some of the shit that happened to me during that time. i remember my mom was extremely crazy during this time, and i’m not being exagerative. she actually took me to my dad’s house and tried to convince my dad that everything in his house was possessed by the devil. it was also the year i tried to runaway and ended up literally locked inside the upstairs of my house and all of my books and old toys and belongings were thrown away because they were possessed by satan. having crap like that at home doesn’t help at school because i needed friends and my friends were always caught up in that “who’s mad at who” middle school drama so while i needed friends they spent their time being mad at me for shit i never did just so they could have some drama. life really sucked then. but i grew up into who i think is an amazing person and i know that because you take the time to love your daughter, kara will always have that. if kara ever wants someone to talk to who doesn’t know anyone she knows so she won’t feel bad talking about them, i’m here to listen :) you are an amazing mom! lol this was one really long ass comment. sorry!!

  41. Liza Says:

    P.S. yes there’s more. i reread what you wrote about Kara and she reminds me of me at that age. not the cheerleader, popular type. i had my own little group of friends and i was always the “wierd” one with the “weird” sense of humor. i understood things more than other people and that made me a giant dork. no one ever wanted to be my partner in class and gym always sucked for me because i was tall, gangly, and not very athletic. remind her that in 15 years none of that shit matters but it sure does when you’re going through it.

  42. Liza Says:

    sorry. and in all that i forgot to tell you that i played. my gosh i suck today.

  43. kimmyk Says:

    I have a 13 year old who is much like Kara, with her brains and beauty and quirky attitude and funny off the wall sort of sense of humor. I too wish that others saw her as I do, but then there are times I’m glad it’s just ‘us’ who know her for what she truly is. They’re special girls who have special friends like themselves. Boys and girls alike. The funny thing is-it’s girls and boys like our children that grow up working at NASA [but hopefully not driving across country in a diaper to kill another woman, ya know?] They know what’s going on and as much as we want to shield them..we can’t. We just need to lay the ground work and hope for the best. And be there so that when that one boy breaks their heart we can take ’em out for a cup of coffee and tell ’em again how much better they are without that jerk and everything is going to be ok.

    We have special daughters, no doubt about it.

  44. grayangi Says:

    Very deep… but, as always, so well put!

  45. momthefonz Says:

    You Know Kris, I think all of us has gone though this sometime in our lives, They are ALL jealouse of what she has because they don’t have it and wished they did, and thats the Love of her family and it will make her stronger in life. She is not just Beautiful on the outside she is also so Beautiful on the insides…. (And you are a GREAT MOM take my word for it)….x0x0x0x0x0

  46. OddMix Says:

    My heart aches with yours, Kristine. I have three beautiful girls and will be where you are in about 6 years. That terrible awful wonderful painful love ache is already there.

    Please tell Kara for me that she truly is a beautiful young lady. And someday there will be a man who sees her for the beauty inside as well as that which is skin deep. Tell her to wait for him because he is the one that will really love her. And until then, she sure has an awesome mom and dad to love her, too.

    *sniff* *wipes eyes*

    I played, too.

  47. Recovering Straight Girl Says:

    Don’t faint. I played.

  48. cat Says:

    Kara loves Veronica Mars.
    People who love Veronica Mars are way hip and super cool.
    Therefore, Kara = Way Hip Super Cool chica.

    Duh.

    That is all.

    :)

  49. Christina K =) Says:

    WOW!! Can I give that list to my daughter! She is going through the same crap! Strong, Independent, loving. I can’t get her to see how wonderful she is and how much people love her! Your list says everything that I tell her daily. She says I have to say those things becuase I am her mom. Well no I don’t, my mom didn’t. Not everyones mom did (Except yours, beause she is da bomb!) Gotta love those awkward teenage years! I think the most important thing we can do is remember what it was like, how we felt, the crap the boys did to us. I give her advise about situations and the way I handled them, etc. She listens to most of it, but still has to learn on her own. I give her that freedom to be herself (green hair and all!!) So good job to you for trying to get your daughter to believe in herself and to be who she wants, not what others want her to be! =) Oh and good job to Dan and Shaun for being there as well, not all dads are!

  50. sheryl Says:

    This got me so tear earlier that I couldn’t post a comment…(twice)

    Your girls are so lucky to have you for a mom. You’re wonderful, Kristine. And I love you for it.

  51. Cristin from NY Says:

    jesus christ. that girl is made fun of? she is beautiful. i mean, thats such an understatement. people who were popular in high school never amount to much anyway, they have no character beyond being a popular high schooler. she’ll be something special alright.

  52. littlefeet Says:

    sweet! i can change my link now!! :)

    such an awesome list…you rock mom!!

    i played…

    peace…

  53. tommiea Says:

    I played….I only have a two year old daughter…so I haven’t thought of these things. Your daughter is lucky to have you!

  54. limpy99 Says:

    My kids are still too young for this, but when they need it, possibly next week, I’m copying this.

    Tell Kara it’s far better to come into your own and peak as an adult than to do it in grade school.

  55. Jenni Says:

    That is such an important lesson for Kara to learn. My step-daughter never did quite figure that out, and we’re having all sorts of trouble now because of it.

    She’s lucky to have a mom like you.

    Happy Friday!

  56. Melanie Says:

    Growing up is so hard. She’s lucky to have you there watching her back also.

  57. Miss Says:

    I have been where she is and I wish my mom was as beautiful with her words as you just were. My problem was though, is that I didnt tell my mom I was hurting. You are blessed to even be able to write this letter to her, because that means she loves and trusts you enough to TELL you she is hurting. That alone will make all the difference in both your lives in the long run. Thank you for sharing this. Beautiful post as always.
    Love the new layout BTW…

  58. Fantastagirl Says:

    I don’t know if you let your daughter read the comments on this blog, but cut and paste them – print them out… these people are not her mother, these people who have seen her picture, who have nothing invested, no reason to say anything but the truth – she needs to see their comments – because she should only want and expect the very best.

    Kara, from the pictures I have seen you are a beautiful young woman, listen to your mom – she is right on this one. You are worth so much more, and don’t need to waste your time on such petty, insignificant children. You are a much better person than they will ever dream of becoming.

  59. southernfriedgirl Says:

    You know what, Kara? Guess what the girls who were “all that” in school are now? Generally, they are fat, unhappy, lumps that don’t quite realize where it all went wrong. When things come to people easy early on in life, they come to expect it and when it is not there later, they do not know how to function.

    Embrace everything about yourself. If for some reason, they don’t get you, that is THEIR loss. There are a shitten ton of people you will find in your life later on (when you least expect it) that will meet you and be like “Yep, I know this girl – this girl is good people.”

    I know right now you are like “Um, yeah, that’s all well and good, but I have to go to school with the bitches.” Very true. You do. But guess what? It’s not forever and it is only as significant to you as you allow it all to be. Live you life and try to remember that this is all that is going to make you into a remarkable young woman later. Trials make us better. The hard stuff sucks, but it is what does the most for us in the long run.

    You have a fabulous family that are going to make sure you know just how cool you really are.

    As for the rest, fuck em.

    (I just cursed like right at a kid. NICE)

  60. Josie Says:

    Kara is a very lucky young lady to have a Mom like yourself. And the extended family unit you have built.

    I wish growing up I had a Mom like you. It’s only been in the last couple of years that I have had faith in myself to do things with out second guessing.

    Thankfully I saw this in myself early on nd made sure my son has none of my insecurities. We had some tough times in grade school where he was teased because of his weight and his race.

    This has passed and has made him stronger. He is 16 now and an honour sudent. Remind Kara that we are not given more than we can handle and I have no doubt she will rise to the top.

    To the girls who are teasing her – karma’s a bitch ladies, a lesson you will learn the hard way.

  61. kate Says:

    Kara being a teenager is so hard!

    Know that you are a wonderful girl and everyone that knows you is so very lucky!

  62. SassyFemme Says:

    I’m late writing this, and hope Kara reads it. Kara, I’ve seen your pics and everytime I see them I think how beautiful you are! Really. I don’t say it because I have to, or feel that I should, I say it because it’s the truth. I look back now, at 40, at the kids who were “popular” in school, and see that they’re not any better than the rest of us, and the rest of us have all come sooo much further in life than they have. Find something now that you’re passionate about, that makes you smile. Put some time into that (for me at your age I did some volunteer work in a hospital, making others smile made me feel good), follow what makes you happy, or where you want to make a difference… and screw the assholes that aren’t nice to you!

  63. shellibells Says:

    IN ORDER TO BE IRREPLACABLE, ONE MUST ALWAYS BE DIFFERENT.

  64. Suzanne R Says:

    If you have been and are successful at communicating all this to her — and I have the strongest feeling that you are — she will be miles ahead of the other girls and especially those creepy guys as she goes through her life. There is true beauty in her (and in you) on the outside and on the inside as well. I’m late in writing this, too, and I didn’t play, but I wanted you to know that you have really touched me here.