We have family meetings. With 5
brats kids and two adults living in this house, we need to get together and beat the children have long, important talks about how things get ran around the house.
I’m making it sound much better than it really happens. Here’s how it really happens:
The first step is Shaun coming home to me curled in a fetal position on the side of the bed.
“Hard day honey?” He leans down and rubs my head.
After the shaking and sobbing stops, “yes. i hate children.”
He smiles at me, “I know you do honey. Wanna talk about it?”
I then slam my head into the side of the bed a few times until my noggin is resting on the carpet.
“The kids…they yell at each other all the time” Then I go into my Marina/Kara/Shea/Alyx impression of them. “and…Tyler, he doesn’t listen…he WON’T WALK THE DOG UNLESS I DEMAND HIM TO! and oh…god…the…class party is tomorrow…”
“I’ll help. Kristine, why are you on the floor?”
“DAMN DOG PEED ON THE FLOOR AGAIN!”
Then after I finally calm down and the insane eye blinking and twitching stops, we go talk to the kids.
Shaun, he’s so rational and calm. He gives examples, stories and adds little jokes. I think if he knew how to give a Power Point presentation on ‘family harmony’ during our meetings, he would.
I on the other hand sit on the couch next to him and yell things like, “Yeah! what he just said!”
and “If you do THAT again, I will ground you!”
After the meeting the kids all go about their way, happy, laughing and joyful. I personally think we should end each meeting with a shot of capscum to the eyes or at least a little bit of electrocution to drive our point home….”NO MORE YELLING! NO MORE FIGHTING! GET THE FUCK ALONG OR MOMMY IS GOING TO SNAP!” but we don’t. We just let them get along for 5 minutes until it starts up again.
Last week we had to have a meeting because everyone is being really rude to each other and Shaun is tired, really tired of the kids yelling from one end of the house to another.
“KAAAARRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!” Marina yells from the bedroom.
Kara ignores her, because Kara is a bitch like that.
“KAAARRRRRAAAAAA!!!!!” She yells again.
Kara ignores her again.
“KARA!” I yell from the other bedroom, “ANSWER HER!”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT MARINA!?!”
As you can see, it gets annoying and Shaun said, “No more yelling…I can’t stand the yelling in this house. If you want to say something, say it…there is no reason to yell it…”
and it was at THAT MOMENT that I heard the sound of SANTA CLAUS ON THE FIRE TRUCK….IN. OUR. COURT!
I was 5 again. “SANTA IS HERE! SANTA IS HERE!!!!” I screamed it and Shaun said I pushed Shea out of the way as I ran for the front door. “SANTA!! HE’S HERE!!”
Do you know how hard it is to try to look stern while we were finishing our family talk with a candy cane sticking out of my mouth, knowing I had broke every new family rule we had just made?