It’s been a week and a half and it’s still hard to write about.
Last Tuesday I was suppose to go to my weekly mBFF friend dinner, but he couldn’t get back to Sacramento in time and we decided to put it off until next week. This is the part where everything got weird. I have a notfriend/friend guy I knew from my hockey days and I had sent him a facebook message letting him know that everything he was writing about our friend, Midori was spot on and exactly how it feels. He opened up about how he was struggling with losing his friend. He asked if I wanted to go with him to see her and her husband tonight with him. I knew these were her final days with her family, but was also told that she was no longer responsive…we were just waiting at this point. After insisting that he ask our friend (her husband) if it was okay to go and getting the thumbs up, we headed out.
I still can’t write about it because I want to cry.
There was a point in the night when I looked around the room at the six of us, Midori in her hospice bed not responsive, eyes closed, labored breathing….her husband who has been with her since he was 19 years old. There was 6 of us in that room the night before she passed on and I honestly believe she hand picked each one of us to be there. I knew when I was listening to the stories and how we were making Midori’s husband laugh (a promise I made to her when I got to say my goodbye to her “we will make him laugh for you”) Her purpose for having us there was that we were the select few that were strong enough to deal with what was to come and we could bring Jon laughter. We did not fail.
During a serious part of the night when Jon’s phone was blowing up with texts and he said, “This thing has been going off all day!” I rolled my eyes and said, “Oh Mista. Popular with all his phone calls and texts…how ever did we get so lucky to be able to hang out with you tonight!?” Everyone laughed because it was such an odd moment to be cracking jokes, but everyone else joined in on picking on Jon about something or other and the mood was lightened. Some other crazy stuff happened that night and because of the people that were there we managed to crack jokes through a really horrible situation.
She picked us to be there that night. I know this and I am honored I was one of those people that got to say goodbye to her. I also know that the notfriend/friend is now a friend. He was someone I judged very wrong and I told him that. He said “same.” She saw something in both of us and loved us, there is no way after what we went through that night that I can’t call him my friend now.
Midori was all light and all love and it’s so fucking unfair that she’s not here. The other day I was going through my “Facebook – on this day” memory and Midori had posted this incredibly awesome post on my wall talking about what a good friend I was to her…and I swear it was it was OTHER WAY AROUND. That woman made everyone she knew a better person and I told her that all the time. There were many times I would just send her a message and say, “I need prayer” and that woman would send me the most amazing message back that would lighten my heart and know that things were going to get better.
I still can’t. I can’t cry about this anymore.
I just can’t…but here I am. Crying.
Okay Okay Okay…enough.