Sorry SPF: Here is your assignment…

Author: randomandodd  |  Category: My Brats, stuff portrait friday

Air Freshener

How do you keep your house smelling good? Is it open windows? Is it Febreeze? A fan? Removing all children from your house thus removing teenage FUNK stank?

After I wrote yesterday’s post, I cleaned. And I cleaned. And I cleaned. My bedroom smells like bleach. I became one with the Magic Eraser and I went to town on the bathroom.
I’m not a happy cleaner. I’m not one of those Cinderella-birds helping with the cleaning and singing type of cleaners. I am an angry cleaner. I am, the WHOLE time complaining that I am the only one that cleans the shower. I’m pretty sure there is ONE other adult that showers EVERY NIGHT, without fail. I’m pretty sure there are FIVE other people that use my toilet in my bathroom. I’m know I am NOT the only one that uses the sink in my bathroom.
Angry cleaner. VERY ANGRY CLEANER.

After scrubbing soap scum off the shower walls and doors, I am mid dry off and the teenage boy walks in. OHHH MYYYYY FUCCKKKKKKKKKK! GET OUTTTTTTT!
I think he is cured of EVER opening my bedroom door without first knocking. He will also have to be in therapy for it. I might even need therapy.

Today Shea walked in to complain that Marina had ‘unfolded’ something she folded. I turned to her as I was seriously IN THE TOILET cleaning. “Shea, seriously…if what you are complaining about is worse than being IN A TOILET with a gallon of bleach with your eyes burning out, GET THE HELL OUT.”
Shea thought about it, stood there for a good minute as my arm is shoved down the back of a toilet listening to me mumble about how life is so unfair, and she decided that YES, HER PROBLEM WAS WORSE THAN THIS.
“Mom, I folded..”
“Shea, stop.” I did the dramatic blow the hair out of my face. “Here, you take this sponge and you climb behind the toilet and clean up the spider webs, dirt, mold, scum and whatever else that is back there and I will go refold the damn clothes.”

She turned around and left.

Yeah. I thought so.



34 Responses to “Sorry SPF: Here is your assignment…”

  1. traci Says:

    Kidz. It’s illegal to kill ’em. Just sayin’.

  2. SuZan Says:

    OMG…..I never really thought about it but I only have this shit times 1; you have it times 5.

    I’m with traci!

  3. connie Says:

    I so hate to clean too. That reminds me I have to go put on my rubber gloves and clean the bathrooms.

  4. Susan Says:

    OMG you make me laugh!

    I’m not sure what’s worse, a filthy bathroom or the teenager that simply CAN’T do any of that disgusting cleaning. UGH

    I’m with Traci too!

  5. jessie Says:

    You know, its funny to read it, but I bet the kids were all congregated in their room going “What did we do? OMG! Do you think she found out about the…wait no, we buried that months ago. Maybe shes just pretending to be mad because shes taking us to Disneyland next week. AWESOME GUYS! Lets go fuck with her mind!”

  6. Jenny B Says:

    This is so timely cosidering that I have to go home tonight and clean my shower as well. And yes, I hate it just as bad as you do. I’m a mad cleaner too, hubby thinks it’s funny to see me pissed with my gloves on. Gee, thanks.

  7. Army of Mom Says:

    Woo hoo … I cheated and played already!!! How is that for being ahead of the game …for a change!!!

  8. tommiea Says:

    I have already taught my two year old how to wipe out the sink after she brushes her teeth. Oh yeah….I can see her learning the toilet pretty soon.

    They both already make their beds! Pretty soon I can see not having to do anything….well most things.

  9. Kami Says:

    Damn kids.

  10. Monkey Says:

    funny how they always find something else to do…fuckers…


  11. Dave Vogt Says:

    I think you officially pwn’d your own child. Awesome.

    Between my roommate and I, we swap off cleaning kitchen and bathroom. We each said “well, I could do it every time if you wanna give me a break on the rent…” so we ended up with our arrangement. It works nicely.

  12. san Says:

    Oh, I cleaned too this week. It had been time!!

    I am sorry I’ll be missing out on SPF for the next two-three weeks, because my family is visiting.

  13. Maria Says:

    I don’t believe in cleaning.

  14. Strizz Says:

    I have a box fan in a window which is over the dryer, so all that smell good hot laundry scent wafts into the house. I love laundry smells.

  15. mizmouth Says:

    I played.
    My kids are always right there when I am cleaning the toilet… when I am on the toilet… it’s something about being in the bathroom when you are a mom…it’s just not allowed…

  16. christie Says:

    I played too :)

  17. Katie Says:

    I hate cleaning.

    I played.

  18. Sonya Says:


    We have two 5yo’s and a 2yo… I so cannot even let myself imagine what it will be like in 5-10 years.

    Congrats on a clean bathroom! That clorox smell will dissipate. But it sure is better than, ummm… other possibilities.

  19. dashababy Says:

    Good God you re funny.
    Love ya, xoxox

  20. Jana Says:

    I do that same thing to my kids. Strange, they always decide they’d rather deal with their problems than mine.

    I played!!

  21. Arlene Says:

    You crack me up girl!!
    I played !!

  22. jessie Says:

    I played

  23. Rockin Mom Says:

    I played

  24. Kelly Says:

    Oh man, I LOVE to clean the house when I’m angry! It never gets cleaner! LOL

    I played!

  25. Tina Says:

    Nice SPF, i played.
    Wish you a great weekend.

  26. themuttprincess Says:


    I am an angry cleaner as well.

  27. Kami Says:

    I played, Kris. Where’s yours? ;)

  28. Jenni Says:

    Have a great weekend!

    I played!

  29. The Kept Woman Says:

    The Wonderful Febreze…great for dog odors in cars too…just not too much unless the windows are rolled down, of course.

    I played…Happy Friday!

  30. Toes in the Sand Says:

    OMG! So damn funny. You sound like me. I am a very angry cleaner, complete with slamming stuff around. Kids. Gotta love em?!

  31. Susie Says:

    My house is so dirty. But I played! You gotta wade through some crap to get to it, but I played :)

  32. connie Says:

    That stuff smells good. I played too.

  33. Shell Says:

    I love that Febreze…it covers up my funky smells. Now I just stop looking for them and just spray.

    I’m gonna find you some of that mint Febreze and ship it to you. It is so great. You’ll never use the regular again.

  34. Lori Says:

    Didn’t play, but had to laugh at the ‘teen funk-stank’. I am quite familiar with that. I almost fall over sometimes when I open the girls door.

    Kind of an angry cleaner too, but more in the I go to town cleaning when I’m pissed off.