Random and Odd

But is it fast enough so we can fly away

I use to drive a former California Highway Patrol car. No, I wasn’t a cop and it didn’t come with the cool lights. I wish!

I bought it after they had used it, painted it red and auctioned it off. The CHP did a lot of modifications to the car. The handling in that car was SWEET. I could go from 0 to “Oh shit, too fast!” in about 5 seconds. It took me about 3 months to finally be able to drive it without coming home with head and neck injuries. It took about a year for me to stop giggling every time I drove it.

I let the Fonz drive my car. I don’t remember exactly WHY I let her drive my car. I guess it was because she was the one who taught me the second half of driving a stick shift (Kathy taught me how to speed shift) and I felt obligated to let her take the new car for a spin.

This was the one of those moments where you realize that you are finally better at something than your parents. My mom couldn’t drive my car.

“The clutch is too stiff! Why is it making that sound?” She looked at me like I gave her the keys to a school bus.

“Mom! it’’s a sport car, that’s why the clutch is so stiff. That sound it’s making is you grinding the gears.”
She just looked at me and rolled her eyes.
My mother, the Fonz, GRIND GEARS? I THINK NOT.

She drove it from my aunts house to her house. By the time she pulled in the drive way I was a wreck.. The sound of the engine shutting off was the greatest thing I had ever heard.

“What?” She looked at me finally able to relax in my seat. “You look stressed out? What’s the matter?”
“Nuthin.”
I didn’t want to tell her that she shifted into fourth gear doing 30 miles an hour and after about 5 miles had FINALLY just gotten up to the speed to actually shift into fourth gear. Just leave it alone. This is the woman that gave birth to you. This is the woman who is the grandmother to your children. This is the woman that carries a .357 in her purse and has used the term, “I brought you into this world. I can take you out!”

When I was little I use to ask my mother, “Why do we have to drive Grandma around? Doesn’t she know how to drive?”

I think I just figured it out.