My Dad, The Human Crash Test Dummy

When I was younger my dad got drunk and drove off a cliff and almost died.

Sorry, probably should have given you all some sort of warning to that huh? Well, it was shocking to me too, but the thing is…I hardly remember it.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I brought it up to my dad while on the phone with him. I asked him what he was doing driving around where he was and he just laughed and said, “I was drunk.”

Like I said, I don’t remember the details. I just remember the feelings surrounding it. My mom was angry. I was angry.
He had made a bet to me about something and he owed a few dollars because I won and because, ‘your dad’s in the hospital’ I wasn’t going to get my money. I was angry because he wasn’t going to be able to pay me back.

They wired his broken jaw in 4 different places and told him if he drank, got drunk and vomited he would choke and die.
My dad was forced to quit drinking until the jaw was healed.

I don’t remember what my dad was like before he came home. All I remember is him AFTER he came home. This might have been the best blessing that the Lord has ever gave me. I couldn’t remember the time when he was a drunk.
When my dad’s jaw was wired closed was the best time I ever had with my dad. What I remember most was his eyes. They were so shiny and alive. He couldn’t talk, but when he smiled he did it with his eyes and he seemed to actually be listening to me when I talked to him.

As the time neared for him to get to those wonderful things out of his mouth that would allow him to talk again, I must have started to get scared.
My dad was writing a lot at the time. He carried around a blue notebook and seemed to be always writing something in it.
I found that book years later in a pile of papers. He wrote something like this:

“My daughter came in to the bedroom tonight crying. I gathered her up in my arms and I asked her what was wrong. Through her tears she said, ‘I had a nightmare that you started drinking again.’ She didn’t say she had a ‘dream’, she said she had a ‘nightmare’. I didn’t realize how bad my drinking had gotten until I heard those words.”

I began to cry when I read those words because even though I don’t remember actual things that happened…I remember the ‘feeling’ of that part of our lives.
When I talk about my childhood, it was good. I had a big swing next to my house, a huge field to play in, brothers and a sister to play with, a best friend that would rollerskate with me and I was happy.
Why was I crying and feeling depressed when I read the words and was ‘feeling’ those times again? I was a happy, little girl.

I guess because underneath it all it wasn’t good until after my parents stopped drinking. It’s weird how liquid can change someone’s life. For some it’s a powdery substance. For some it’s just a plant. For others…just yelling. These are such small things, but after it was taken out of our house I suddenly had a dad that wanted to listen to me. I had a mom that began to love life. The house wasn’t as loud anymore. I began to breath and not be so scared.

There are questions I want to ask about that time, but then again I just want to leave it alone. I don’t need to know. The things I need to learn from that time are already instilled in my life. I think these are the things my mom and dad would have wanted all of us to learn from their mistakes.

My dad plowing into a tree as he flew off a cliff saved all our lives. He hasn’t drank in almost 24 years. For my mom, it’s been 23 years.