Just to add to the reasons of why my family is just not quite right and how my sister is just one evil bitch on wheels, I am going to tell you about the black underwear.
About 4 years ago my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the weekend so we could go to a Raider’s game. When she left I found a pair of what I believed was her husband’s underwear. They were black with a grey waistband that said “Haines”.
To figure out the mystery I had to call her.
“Kathy did Kev leave a pair of underwear here?”
“I don’t think so, what do they look like.”
I went on to describe them and to tell her that I had never seen them before this weekend.
She assured me that they weren’t Kevin’s.
I threw the underwear away.
The next weekend they were down again for the playoff Raider game and this time she brought her son and my other brother, Barry.
A few weeks later I stumbled on the underwear again and I called Kathy to tell her about the underwear. She assured me that they didn’t belong to Kevin or anyone else in the family.
“Screw it, I’m throwing them away…AGAIN.”
I swear on everything that is holy that I was cleaning my bedroom a few weeks later and the underwear were in my pile of clothes!
I did what every freaked out possessed underwear owner would do. I called my mommy.
My mom has this laugh she does. She can’t get away with shit because her laugh gets her caught every time.
“Kathy keeps taking them out of your trash and putting them back in your drawer.”
It was about four years ago that this little ‘war’ started between my sister and I.
Those underwear have been back and forth from my house to my sisters more times than I can count on my hands and feet.
They have been hidden in every place in each house and they have been given as presents and used for blackmail pictures while my sister was passed out after a night of birthday celebrating.
The top ‘underwear’ hiding was when she wrapped them up in a Starbucks bag with a half a bag of split peas and gave them to me as a present for my birthday. I didn’t open the ‘coffee’, but thanked her and then put it in the freezer. Two weeks later my friend was making a pot of coffee and pulled out the underwear from the bag.
“Kristine, are these those underwear your sister and you keep leaving at each other’s house?”
“WHERE DID YOU FIND THOSE?”
She held up the bag and the half frozen underwear.
“That bitch! She owes me a pound of coffee!”
Right now she has the underwear. I think.