Little Goodbyes

Just to add to the reasons of why my family is just not quite right and how my sister is just one evil bitch on wheels, I am going to tell you about the black underwear.

About 4 years ago my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the weekend so we could go to a Raider’s game. When she left I found a pair of what I believed was her husband’s underwear. They were black with a grey waistband that said “Haines”.

To figure out the mystery I had to call her.

“Kathy did Kev leave a pair of underwear here?”
“I don’t think so, what do they look like.”
I went on to describe them and to tell her that I had never seen them before this weekend.
She assured me that they weren’t Kevin’s.

I threw the underwear away.

The next weekend they were down again for the playoff Raider game and this time she brought her son and my other brother, Barry.
A few weeks later I stumbled on the underwear again and I called Kathy to tell her about the underwear. She assured me that they didn’t belong to Kevin or anyone else in the family.

“Screw it, I’m throwing them away…AGAIN.”

I swear on everything that is holy that I was cleaning my bedroom a few weeks later and the underwear were in my pile of clothes!

I did what every freaked out possessed underwear owner would do. I called my mommy.

My mom has this laugh she does. She can’t get away with shit because her laugh gets her caught every time.
“Kathy keeps taking them out of your trash and putting them back in your drawer.”

It was about four years ago that this little ‘war’ started between my sister and I.
Those underwear have been back and forth from my house to my sisters more times than I can count on my hands and feet.
They have been hidden in every place in each house and they have been given as presents and used for blackmail pictures while my sister was passed out after a night of birthday celebrating.

The top ‘underwear’ hiding was when she wrapped them up in a Starbucks bag with a half a bag of split peas and gave them to me as a present for my birthday. I didn’t open the ‘coffee’, but thanked her and then put it in the freezer. Two weeks later my friend was making a pot of coffee and pulled out the underwear from the bag.
“Kristine, are these those underwear your sister and you keep leaving at each other’s house?”

She held up the bag and the half frozen underwear.

“That bitch! She owes me a pound of coffee!”

Right now she has the underwear. I think.

I'm a lot of things, but mostly I'm just Random and Odd.


  • Annejelynn

    This is hilarious – I love it! mmmm…we all should think of some ideas for you. Have you ever mailed it to her via UPS? make her sign for it! You could mail ME the underwear and I’ll mail it to her from VEGAS!!!!! how about that? I would sooooo do that!!!

  • dashababy

    Ahhh, how quickly you forget. They are Jockeys. Its just that you havent seen them for so long now. My diabolical mind is waiting for the right time to attack. Shock and awe baby, thats all Im gonna say.

    (the time you “hid” them in moms front window was pretty funny since it took a couple days for “me” to spot them)

    nice try annejelynn, I wont be signing for anything from Vegas now, not even if it looks like
    Wayne Newton.

  • August95

    That is awesome you have such a good relationship with your sis and a Mom who has a give-away giggle.

    I just see regular “””” things. Sorry, I could screw up my eyes and look again if ya want. HA!

  • KC

    My college roomates and I (there were 11 of us in this HUGE house) used to have a plastic yard santa that we’d do that with.

    We’d tuck him into bed with someone, hide him behind the shower curtain, put him on the toilet. It was so much fun – it’s one of my favorite memories from college.

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who finds the joy in these “little things”.

    BTW – did you know that you can mail something in another envelope to the postmaster anywhere in the US and they will then mail it and postmark it from there? Like, I could send a card addressed to my mom inside a bigger envelope to the postmaster in Bangor, Maine. The postmaster would then postmark it from Bangor, Maine and it would be mailed from there. Just thought you might want to know.

  • Random and Odd

    I did a twist on the underwear thing once.
    I took all her REAL underwear and hid them around the house and put the black pair in her undies drawer…they were the only undies in a whole drawer ;)

  • shellibells

    I think this underwear thing is fucking brilliant….lol

    And yes I do see the funky little symbols, could be some kinda bug, looks like this (didn’t )

  • Greenthumb

    That’s why we keep coming back…totally random and odd behavior gauranteed!

    My mom and aunt are a lot like that too. Can’t go a day with out talking on the phone. If you want one to find out something with out telling them yourself, tell the other and say “don’t tell anyone, but….”. I think the longest time it took for the one to find out was a day.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    I say, why have sisters if you can’t fuck with ’em?

    Ssssshhhhhhh, don’t tell Squirl I said that, she’s bakin’ for me right now…
    Good rule: Never piss off the person preparing/handling your food out of your sight.

  • Vajana

    Love the underwear thing…wish I had a sister to share this with, somehow the men’s underwear wouldn’t work so well with my brother.

    Brilliant idea with the switcheroo of the undies! I will have to try that on my husband sometime.

  • Ben Affleck

    Hello Kristine,
    Long time, no chat. This is a little awkward, but some time ago, I think I might have left my favorite pair of underwear at your place. Let me know if you find them!!

    ps-Congrats on the boyfriend upgrade.

  • Matthew McConaughey

    Kristine (in a southern accent),
    You bitch!! You told me you and Ben were just friends!! And you KNOW those britches are mine. Send them back ASAP……


    PS-Me and Penelope Cruz aren’t serious, so call me if things don’t work out with the blood drop.
    Sorry about calling you a bitch.

  • Elizabeth Hurley

    I think I left those there after you finally got rid of Ben and Matt!!


    *** OK, maybe I’m the only one who enjoyed this particular message….but I gave the women Affleck and McConaughy first.
    -Shaun ***

  • KC

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Kristine, it’s just not fair that you have the BAMF and Ben Affleck too! Oh, yeah and the blood drop…. ;)

  • Random and Odd

    Ben and I broke up FOREVER ago. He wanted to have kids and I had a secret crush on a blood clot..er..drip…or Sorry…drop.
    BLOOD DROP. I have a crush on a blod drop.

    Anyone know how to block that bitch Elizabeth Hurley from ever commenting on my blog again!


  • Anonymous

    What causes those funky characters? I have the same thing happening on my site – after changing templates. If I go in and edit each apostrophe, quotation mark or parenthesis, it’s fine. I did that in a few of my recent entries, but can’t in all the archives. If you know how to ‘fix’ it, would you please let me know? Thanks!

    Also, I LOVE that your and your sister have the underwear exchange going on. I bet it’s fun! My friends have an on-going ‘exchange’ of an old horrible statue that nobody likes. It’s great fun when they find it in the oddest places.

  • Random and Odd

    I found that I had wrote the story of the undies in Word because I didn’t know how long it would be.
    When I transfered it to blog the ” came out weird.
    I had to go through the whole post and change them. ” ” ” those look right…right now…but who knows how it will turn out!

  • Susie

    I LOVE this story. But even your black undies story makes me cry, because it reminds me of 3 dear friends, elderly ladies, who bought a pair of gigantic, hideous earrings at a yard sale about 15 years ago. They keep doing the same thing with these earrings, and it has gotten very elaborate. One time, one of them knew someone who knew someone who worked in the governor’s office, and swiped some letterhead, writing a letter to one of the other ladies, thanking her for all her support, and saying, “here’s a gift to thank you for all your hard work for my re-election.” She was so thrilled, and then there were the ugly-ass earrings!
    Don’t ever stop with the undies.

    Hey, what’s our assignment for SPF this week?

  • Caroline

    Man I can’t keep up with the internet.

    I’m a naughty blogger…

    Anyway, I do stuff like this with my best friend, one time we had fuzzy handcuffs going back and forth, and we’d hide the key somewhere else, so for like a week they’d be stuck on the fridge or on the back of a chair till you could find the key hidden in weird places.

    We’re odd.