I just can’t believe its December.
This is the first year in all the years I can remember that I am truly bummed that it’s over.
I had high hopes for 2010, but I was still working out all the bullshit from 2009 to fully grasp the new start I was being handed.
Yesterday I began working on my “2011 – My Story”. I swear, I made myself cry thinking about how depressing it is that I have to say goodbye to this year. This is such a foreign feeling for me because it feels like every year I just want NEXT year to be better, swearing that it will be and making up my mind to FINALLY make it happen. This year, I did it. Not a few months I was doing good, feeling great, loving it…I got the WHOLE YEAR. There wasn’t a single month that I can look back on and say, “That one sucked.”
This doesn’t mean that I didn’t have bad days, and even bad weeks. I have had some doozies. I’m going to chalk up every single dentist appointment I’ve had this year as a bad day. The cool thing about this year is that no matter how bad it got, I knew I was going to be okay and the only thing I could do was roll with it. By the time I got laid off from my job, I had built up a lot of strength. That day I was walked out, I got in the car, drove home and signed up for unemployment, went and found an apartment and gave my 45 day notice to my landlady. I kept waiting for the moment I was going to lose it, cry hysterically and freak out about my future. Later that night I was sitting outside with Lester and I asked him, “When am I going to snap?” … he said, “I don’t think you will.” He was right. I didn’t.
Since then I have of course cried a hundred times, but mostly for really stupid stuff…like the show Biggest Loser…a perfect sunset from my balcony in Maui…and when he pulled me into his arms and said ‘this is happiness’ on Thanksgiving. They are happy tears now.
What is going to happen in 2012? I know I am going to keep doing the things that made 2011 so fantastic, cultivate the friendships that made 2011 amazing and start repairing the things I need to repair.
I want to take on a new hobby that I can do on Saturdays. I’m thinking rock climbing or kayaking.
This year I am going to truly celebrate new year party when I VERY sadly say goodbye to my favoritest year and welcome a brand new year.