I’ve tried writing this as a post for the perfect blog entry. I tried to write so my readers could have some clue to what a stand-out siter you are.
I tried picking out a song that would capture who you are so they could feel what I feel.
I looked for a picture of us when we were little that would show them that you and I were the bestest sisters that ever existed.
Four pads of paper, a pack of smokes & 13 cd’s later – I’m stuck. I’m stuck not being able to express myself clearly.
How could they ever know? How could they ever feel what I feel? Could they?
I hear stories all the time about sisters and how much they love each other. Sometimes love isn’t everything. It sure helped growing up in our house because we didn’t have anything, but we had love.
What I remember most about our youth was not just love, but the security you gave me.
You made sure I didn’t grow up too fast, you let me be a little girl living in a fantasy world where I was a princess with flowers in my hair.
It wasn’t always easy being my big sister, but I never felt like I wasn’t welcome anywhere you went. I remember watching you dance with your girlfriends. Watching you be my older sister was always with so much pride. I had the prettiest sister of all my friends. I had the sister that put make-up on me and made sure I wasn’t left out or picked on by any of her friends.
When you got married we went out and picked daisies. How do I remember this? I was so young then. I don’t remember with great clarity every day, but I can place my feelings perfectly…I felt safe. No matter what, I was safe.
After you were married I was always welcome to stay with you anytime I wanted. You would come get me and we would hang out. With everything going on in your life you still let me live in my fantasy world where everything was pretty horses and magic. My time with you was always an adventure. We would go out to the lakes and listen to the birds. You would point out flowers and ask me what my favorite sounds and smells were.
Things like that never changed with you.
As we got older I still spent days at your house. You had transformed into the prettiest sister into the ‘hottest’ sister. We got to share clothes and you showed me that you understood me on new levels. We got to tell each other stories that didn’t involve magic unicorns and rainbows. We started to connect and understand where the other one was coming from.
It sounds horrible, but the day your marriage ended and we ended up back in the same bedroom I was selfishly happy. Paul was always more like my little brother than my nephew and now I got to have my big sister to talk to and my baby brother to play video games with.
The day you met Kevin was a turning point in our relationship. We went from sisters to best friends.
I left a note on the bedroom door that read; “I don’t care how late it is when you get home, I want to hear all about it! WAKE ME UP!” and you did! I was half asleep and you were bubbling with excitement. We sat up and talked about everything that happened on the first date with the man you ended up marrying.
In my teens I was still a huge part of your life. You made sure of that. You made room for me no matter how small the house you lived in. When the houses got bigger I got my own room.
I turned 21 in the hospital with Kara and everyone knows that without you being there she would have never come out. I would have never made through that without you.
That seems to be the recurring theme throughout my life. You were always there and you always let me know that it was going to be okay.
Through the hardest times in my life I ended up on the phone with you. In extreme cases I ended up at your door. You said once that your favorite sound was hearing me say that I was right around the corner.
I almost missed an important birthday of yours because I didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. Two days before your birthday I grabbed the keys and taught myself well enough to get to the freeway. My theory was, ‘if I can get to the freeway I will have three hours in 4th gear and it will be smooth sailing!’ ….What I didn’t account for was that you lived on a hill with four stop signs all the way up that hill. It was worth the embarrassment of stalling and lurching to see how proud and happy you were that I was there.
That feeling never gets old; knowing that if I live in my fantasy world, screw up, make mistakes and fall flat on my face that you ‘ll be there to stare at me…shrug your shoulders…laugh a little and say, “Yeah. We’ve all been there Kristine.” and you still love me and you’re still proud of me.
I know that no matter what you’ll get that smile on your face when I walk through the door and we will laugh the whole time we are together. We will talk until long after we have anything important to say and probably laugh so much that we cry and our faces hurt.
There is no way for me anyone to even grasp the depth of the love I have always had for you.
You have been my mother, my sister and my best friend for so many years that I can’t imagine a single day without you in it.
Happy Birthday Kathaleenie-weenie.
Your little sister,