Thanks for all the emails and kind comments from this morning’s anxiety post. I lasted about two more hours and then I broke down in hysterical tears that woke Shaun up enough where he said he wasn’t going to hear anymore of the ‘i’m fine’. He got up and had to get me water because I was crying and unable to breath all together.
It was around 5 am that the sobbing finally slowed down and I had heard, “nothing bad is going to happen.” about 67 times and the double dose of Xanax kicked in.
I tried to explain to him, “It’s like someone very close to me just tragicly died.” is the only way to explain the pain I was in.
The perfect seque:
I had my bridal shower on Saturday. It went well. I’m the proud owner a waffle iron and many large towels. My future mother-in-law and my own mother looked like they had lots of fun picking out new stuff for me. I am very lucky to have the friends and family that I do. I’m grateful for all of them.
I’m pretty sure i’ve mentioned it before that I’m not too good with crowds or parties that would put me right smack in the middle of attention. Between my friends and family when we are together we share the spotlight and there is no pressure to entertain. When the thought of a bridal shower came up I thought, ‘mmmm, cake’ and hadn’t really thought the whole thing through.
“You have to register SOMEWHERE Kristine!” My friend, ‘Cita and my beautiful friend, Lisa insisted. They are smarter than I am when it comes to stuff like this so they drug me to Bed, Bath and Beyond and handed me a gun. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the one I could shoot myself in the head with. I had to be bribed with a Latte if I was a good girl and could decide on some stuff.
I kept asking, “Is this good? Can I ask for this?”
They kept looking at me as if I were nuts, “I don’t think people will think you’re too weird for asking for towels.”
The day before the shower the panic attacks started. There was some things that had popped up that I tried to just ignore and pretend like they weren’t that big of a deal, but as it got closer I realized I was going to have to deal with some of it.
By Saturday morning I was begging Shaun to find a way out of it because I was I was going to die if I had to go to my own shower and be the center of all that attention.
My mom said I only had to go for an hour. She lies, but it was good enough to get me in the car.
Shaun had gone over earlier in the day to help ‘Cita decorate and showed up before we left. “You’ll do fine. We’ll get you drunk when you get home okay?”
My friend, ‘Cita was all stressed out and in order to try to calm her nerves, I tried to pull it together long enough to help her stress level to come down.
Why do bridal or baby showers have to be so stressful for everyone involved?
I heard things like, “What do your flowers look like?” “What kind of cake are you having?” “Who’s doing the food?”
I just shrugged, because even though the wedding is July 8th…I haven’t gotten those things figured out. Shut up, I know…I get married in 32 days and these things should have been taken care of.
Someone said to me, “Just get what you need, one thing at a time.” and that is what I have been doing.
It came down to flowers or Tyler’s yearbook.
Tyler got his yearbook.
The flowers will have to come later.
After it was over I got to spend some time with my mom and sister. Yes, true to Shaun’s promise he got me drunk.
I got to dance with my mom and sister, laugh and giggle.
They have all the pictures because I didn’t even pick up the camera ALL weekend. You’re going to have to beg my sister for the picture of me looking like a goober all souped up on Captain Morgan.
If you beg in her comment section, she’s likely to post the picture of Shaun’s big ol’ noggin too.