i want to get rid of R&O because i feel like the only time i write here is when i am at the absolute lowest in my life.<\/p>\n
i had dreams about my mom last night, even though i don’t remember them. i woke up feeling like i got to spend time with her. i could feel her laugh.<\/p>\n
i was driving home a friend the other day and we were talking about something and i started crying, like i was fine and then all the sudden tears and sobs.\u00a0 fortunately for me it was a friend and she was very kind about it.\u00a0 it’s frustrating to hold all this sadness in my body like i am. i can feel it in my chest like it wants to explode out or like it wants to claw its way out.\u00a0 sometimes it’s so much hurt that i want to crack my chest open to get it out. today it’s on the right side at the bottom of my ribs and as if it has it’s own lifeforce, it’s beating.\u00a0 yesterday i found out that if I stab myself with the letter opener it redirects the pain.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i want to get rid of R&O because i feel like the only time i write here is when i am at the absolute lowest in my life. i had dreams about my mom last night, even though i don’t remember them. i woke up feeling like i got to spend time with her. i could feel her laugh. i was driving home a friend the other day and we were talking about something and i started crying, like i was fine and then all the sudden tears and sobs.\u00a0 fortunately for me it was a friend and she was very kind about it.\u00a0 it’s frustrating to hold all this sadness in my body like i am. i can feel it in my chest like it wants to explode out or like it wants to claw its way out.\u00a0 sometimes it’s so much hurt that i want to crack my chest open to get it out. today it’s on the right side at the bottom of my ribs and as if it has it’s own lifeforce, it’s beating.\u00a0 yesterday i found out that if I stab myself with the letter opener it redirects the pain. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4060","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4060","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4060"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4060\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4061,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4060\/revisions\/4061"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4060"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4060"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4060"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}