I got my official invite for my 20 year high school reunion.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t go to my 10 year reunion for various reasons.\u00a0 The first being was I didn\u2019t really like anyone I went to high school with.\u00a0 The people that I wanted to see were people I never lost contact with.\u00a0 The second reason was that I had just had a very nasty divorce and brought nothing to the Reunion Table.
\n\u201cAnd how have the last 10 years treated you, Kristine?\u201d
\n\u201cI had three kids, I lost my mind and had an affair and my husband and I just got a divorce.\u201d\u00a0 There was no way to put a spin on my life to make it sound any better than what it was.
\nThe day of the 10 year came around and I didn\u2019t really care, nor did I feel like I was missing out on anything.<\/p>\n
With Facebook I have reconnected with many of the people I went to school with and low and behold, I wasn\u2019t the only one who went through shit in their life and skipped that reunion.
\nThere is something about the following 10 years that, in reality, weren\u2019t any better, but gave me this amazing insight to how I view my life. I just don\u2019t give a fuck anymore.
\n\u201cSo Kristine, how has the last 10 years treated you?\u201d
\n\u201cI raised my 3 beautiful children, went to college\u2026but never use my degree, Got married and help raise his two children, bounced around from lame job to lame job, Found out my husband is a sneaky, cheating bastard, got a divorce, took up skydiving and hiking and I LOVE MY LIFE.\u201d<\/p>\n
There is the issue of my weight, that in the past kind of bothered me.\u00a0\u00a0 It no longer bothers me. Not because it\u2019s rockin\u2019 hot or anything. I just don\u2019t give a fuck anymore.
\nI finally figured out the pattern to my weight loss and gain. It has nothing to do with the food I eat or do not eat and it\u2019s not measured on how much time I spend in the gym.\u00a0 My weight pattern is in direct relation to being a relationship.\u00a0 I\u2019m almost pretty certain that if I stopped eating all together and worked out like Brad Pitt before a movie where his shirt comes off and I was in a relationship, it wouldn\u2019t matter\u2026I would manage to gain 15 lbs.
\nNow if I wasn\u2019t in a relationship I could sit on the couch, covered in Dorito dust watching Tivo\u2019ed episodes of American Pickers with an IV of Pepsi being pumped into my system and actually LOSE weight.
\nSo yes, for those of you that are paying attention.\u00a0 Penis makes me fat.<\/p>\n
That brings me around to, who is my plus 1 at this little shindig?
\nYes, I could bring someone\u2026just not the someone I am currently dating.\u00a0 This is how the conversation would go:
\n\u201cYou want to go to my high school reunion?\u201d
\nHe would then calmly get up from the spot he is at, go into the back yard with a large machete and hack down some bamboo.\u00a0 After doing so he would fashion them into weapons and hand them to me.\u00a0 \u201cHere, shove these under my finger nails and take anything with a blunt end and hit the bamboo causing them to rip my nails off. Do them one at a time please.\u00a0 When we are done doing that, the water boiling on the stove can then be used to soak my ball sack.\u00a0 If we have time after that I thought a little water boarding would be fun.\u201d
\nTo say he\u2019s not really big on anything that requires socializing with anyone other than myself or his children would be a massive understatement.
\nIf I really wanted him there he would go.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t something I would ever require him to do. I\u2019m saving up all these for something big, like if someday I might need his liver or for him to make me a poptart.<\/p>\n
So you might be asking yourself, if you have actually read this far, I thought she wasn\u2019t in a relationship.
\nI am not in a relationship. I\u2019m dating someone.
\nWe broke up awhile ago and then he probably hit his head and realized he wanted to get back together.\u00a0 We were together for about 47 minutes before we realized that any form of commitment, which is not limited to people even using our name in the same sentence, was far beyond anything we could do.
\nTo make things easier for others, when describing him I will refer to him as my boyfriend.\u00a0 On those rare moments, a small kitten is strangled to death by a python. I try not to do it very often for the love of those poor kittens.
\nI wish there was a term that was on some level between dating and relationship.\u00a0 Like say, \u201cwe are in a Intimacy Exchange\u201d and people would understand that it\u2019s not a booty call, because sometimes he will wash my socks when I am over at his house for more than a day. It\u2019s more than dating because I no longer sit by the phone wondering if he liked my dress and will call back for a follow up \u2018date\u2019 that will involve kissing on the front porch.\u00a0\u00a0 (he could care less what I wear, as long as it doesn\u2019t have too many buttons or complicated straps) (I don\u2019t have a porch).\u00a0 It\u2019s not a relationship because if it was we would both break out in hives and our eyeballs would explode.\u00a0\u00a0 You think I\u2019m exaggerating right?\u00a0 Once we tried the \u2018Keep a drawer at the others house\u2019 and the dresser actually opened the window and flung itself out.\u00a0 Now we just keep \u2018bye-bye bags\u2019 in the car.<\/p>\n
The end result of the 20 year high school reunion is that I would like to go.\u00a0 I\u2019m not really certain why\u2026I keep in better contact with people because of Facebook and I actually really like these people I went to high school with now.\u00a0 I think our kids made us better people.
\nAt this point the conversations will go something like this, \u201c SoinSo, what was your single biggest accomplishment of your life?\u201d\u00a0 and 90% people will say, \u201cRaising my children.\u201d And that will be cool.\u00a0 The other 10% we can sit and talk to them about how they dodged the kid bullet and\/or marriage train, take notes and try to remember what it was like to actually have money, listen to music that we like, have anything saved on our Tivo\u2019s that isn\u2019t Glee or every show ever produced by the Disney channel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I got my official invite for my 20 year high school reunion. I didn\u2019t go to my 10 year reunion for various reasons.\u00a0 The first being was I didn\u2019t really like anyone I went to high school with.\u00a0 The people that I wanted to see were people I never lost contact with.\u00a0 The second reason…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2185"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2185\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}