{"id":1895,"date":"2009-05-02T08:07:48","date_gmt":"2009-05-02T15:07:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1895"},"modified":"2009-05-02T08:07:48","modified_gmt":"2009-05-02T15:07:48","slug":"dreams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1895","title":{"rendered":"Dreams…"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

I’m finding that weekend mornings are the hardest.<\/p>\n

Not wanting to get up at six am on the weekend, I turned off my phone alarms (3 of them) and hoped to sleep in.\u00a0 I woke up at 6:30 am.\u00a0 So much for sleeping in.\u00a0 Once I wake up, my mind is processing everything that happened the day before and what will happen today.<\/p>\n

During the day I have control of the directions my thoughts will wander.\u00a0 It’s only been 2 days that I have had that super power and there are moments when I am unable to control it and I feel like someone gut punched me and bashed my head into the kitchen counter.\u00a0 Last night I was catching up on some unwatched Criminal Minds and there was this one where the guy comes up and just stabs the woman right in the stomach.\u00a0 She doesn’t scream.\u00a0 She just walks quietly to the couch staring down at the blood and then she sits down and this look of confusion and dies.\u00a0\u00a0 The lack of screaming, the look of confusion and I’m guessing the pain she was feeling was the closest thing to what I am feeling right now.<\/p>\n

At night, when you would expect it to be harder, is a little easier.\u00a0 All of the unknowns of the day have played out for you and all you have to worry about is what will happen the next day.<\/p>\n

Dreaming is a whole other story.\u00a0 My dreams will not shut the fuck up.\u00a0 The more control I have over what is going in my waking hours, the less I have when I am sleeping.
\nWhen I woke up this morning I felt like not only was I stabbed, but drug behind a truck.
\n“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Is not the first thing you should wake up and say. “Can I have at least ONE dream where things are freaking good and I’m not surrounded of what is going to be the ghost of my past?”<\/p>\n

‘Cita played me a song<\/strong><\/a> and the woman’s voice is haunting, but I keep repeating her words over and over when I feel like I am about to lose my mind.<\/p>\n

Dont give up
\ncause you have friends
\nDont give up
\nYoure not the only one
\nDont give up
\nNo reason to be ashamed
\nDont give up
\nYou still have us
\nDont give up now
\nWere proud of who you are
\nDont give up
\nYou know its never been easy
\nDon’t give up.
\ncause I believe theres the a place
\nTheres a place where we belong<\/em><\/p>\n

I see my girls saying these words.<\/p>\n

I’m not giving up….I’m just sitting on the couch in a dazed confusion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m finding that weekend mornings are the hardest. Not wanting to get up at six am on the weekend, I turned off my phone alarms (3 of them) and hoped to sleep in.\u00a0 I woke up at 6:30 am.\u00a0 So much for sleeping in.\u00a0 Once I wake up, my mind is processing everything that happened…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1895","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1895"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1895\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}