{"id":1751,"date":"2008-08-24T23:00:08","date_gmt":"2008-08-25T06:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1751"},"modified":"2008-08-24T23:00:09","modified_gmt":"2008-08-25T06:00:09","slug":"trying-to-kill-my-family-take-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1751","title":{"rendered":"Trying to kill my family — Take 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Last week I kidnapped my mother and her come stay with me.\u00a0 The first two days were pretty mellow, but once I got my car running again (fucking water pump) we were running around, catching up on all the stuff we had to do that didn’t get done the first two days.<\/p>\n

On Wednesday I went to the doctors. I’m going to live. I also do not have to have anything put in me for stuff to be removed.\u00a0\u00a0 The first doctor said, “And you’re here why?”\u00a0 *blink* “Because I was told I had to have a stint put in my kidney and have it drained because it was swollen so bad.\u00a0 Also there is a cyst on my kidney that my doctor said was HUGE.”
\nHe pulls up my chart, “Nope. It’s pretty small. Everyone has them. You’re fine.”
\nMy next appointment was about the very serious MULTIPLE gal stones that MUST be removed.\u00a0 The handsome doctor said, “Soooooooo…what do you think we should do?”\u00a0 I felt like saying something really obnoxious like “Well, we could name them and throw them birthday parties.”\u00a0 but because my mom was there, I said, “Do they need to be removed?” He informed me, “Nearly everyone has them. You’re fine…for now.”<\/p>\n

So internet, you all have cysts on your kidneys and gall stones floating around.\u00a0 Just so you know.\u00a0\u00a0 Feel free to name them and buy party hats.<\/p>\n

After dropping off my mom, I decided to kidnap my sister for a week.\u00a0 Friday good. Saturday good. Sunday…air conditioner broke.\u00a0 Tomorrow morning I will find a puddle where my sister fell asleep.\u00a0 If she does manage to live she will wake up drenched in sweat saying, “It’s okay…I’ll be fine.\u00a0 I must finish the laundry.”\u00a0 And around noon I will have to drag her dead carcass out into the back yard and bury her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week I kidnapped my mother and her come stay with me.\u00a0 The first two days were pretty mellow, but once I got my car running again (fucking water pump) we were running around, catching up on all the stuff we had to do that didn’t get done the first two days. On Wednesday I went to the doctors. I’m going to live. I also do not have to have anything put in me for stuff to be removed.\u00a0\u00a0 The first doctor said, “And you’re here why?”\u00a0 *blink* “Because I was told I had to have a stint put in my kidney and have it drained because it was swollen so bad.\u00a0 Also there is a cyst on my kidney that my doctor said was HUGE.” He pulls up my chart, “Nope. It’s pretty small. Everyone has them. You’re fine.” My next appointment was about the very serious MULTIPLE gal stones that MUST be removed.\u00a0 The handsome doctor said, “Soooooooo…what do you think we should do?”\u00a0 I felt like saying something really obnoxious like “Well, we could name them and throw them birthday parties.”\u00a0 but because my mom was there, I said, “Do they need to be removed?” He informed me, “Nearly everyone has them. You’re fine…for now.” So internet, you all have cysts on your kidneys and gall stones floating around.\u00a0 Just so you know.\u00a0\u00a0 Feel free to name them and buy party hats. After dropping off my mom, I decided to kidnap my sister for a week.\u00a0 Friday good. Saturday good. Sunday…air conditioner broke.\u00a0 Tomorrow morning I will find a puddle where my sister fell asleep.\u00a0 If she does manage to live she will wake up drenched in sweat saying, “It’s okay…I’ll be fine.\u00a0 I must finish the laundry.”\u00a0 And around noon I will have to drag her dead carcass out into the back yard and bury her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1751"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1751"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1751"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1751"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}