{"id":1713,"date":"2008-06-14T21:13:02","date_gmt":"2008-06-15T04:13:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1713"},"modified":"2008-06-14T21:13:02","modified_gmt":"2008-06-15T04:13:02","slug":"sometimes-to-keep-it-together-you-have-to-leave-it-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1713","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes to keep it together, you have to leave it alone"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Alright, I’m ready to talk.<\/p>\n

It’s not too hard to figure out the combination of not eating, listening to The Commodores on repeat and chain smoking.\u00a0 Marital problems.<\/p>\n

For those of you that have been reading from day one know that the river that Shaun and I float on is not always smooth sailing.\u00a0 In fact there have been more times I have envisioned taking the oars and beating the life out of him and smiling at the thought of his lifeless body washing up on shore.\u00a0 Perhaps I wasn’t THAT graphic in my writings before. Perhaps I should delete that last sentence. I wont.<\/p>\n

When Shaun and I met, neither one of us were that interested in being in a relationship. It just sort of happened that we started spending more time with anyone else that were seeing.\u00a0 When our ‘dating’ time ended we went our different ways and because we both missed the friend we had in each other, we started hanging out again 6 months later.\u00a0 Never in a million years would I have ever guessed the words, “I do.” would escape my lips.\u00a0 Don’t get me wrong, I loved him. What’s not to love? I just never wanted to be married again.\u00a0 It had no interest in that sort of pain I caused someone before. I have this fridge magnet that says, “Why get married and make one man miserable when I be single and make hundreds miserable?”\u00a0 In the morning I would meander to the fridge to pull the coffee creamer out and see that beacon and think to myself, “Yeah, it’s time for that one to go.”\u00a0\u00a0 It may sound callous, but honestly I think I felt like I was doing the right thing for them.
\nThinking back at that time in my life, I am reminded of my wonderful sister and when she was introduced to one of the guys I was seeing.\u00a0 She was so sweet when she so honestly said to this man that it was nice to meet him and that I was going to chew him up, spit him out and leave him heartbroken.\u00a0\u00a0 He laughed and thought my sister was the funniest woman, second to me.\u00a0 When it was over she said to me, “It’s not like I didn’t warn him.”<\/p>\n

Shaun and I sat up until 5 am this morning talking.\u00a0 We had this choice to make. Either we were done, or we tried to work it out.
\nYou know that saying right, ‘First time; shame on you. Second time; shame on me’?\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t really have a high threshold for third time offenders. In fact, after my marriage…my threshold went to zero.\u00a0 You didn’t really have to do anything wrong and I would be done and you would never see me again.
\nWhen I got married I knew that I was going to have to take the good with the bad.\u00a0 I just didn’t know it was going to be so fucking hard.\u00a0 Knee jerk reaction is to shut down all emotions and go ice cold and ask them very politely to get the hell out of my life and don’t bother coming back.<\/p>\n

My daughter asked me the other day, “Mom, are you and Shaun going to get a divorce?”\u00a0\u00a0 Shaun and I are the silent fighters and honestly no would know how hard it has been for both of us, if we didn’t tell them.\u00a0 I think Kara was born to know exactly when something was wrong with me.\u00a0 There was never hiding anything from her.\u00a0 There are things she needs to know, but not until I figure out what the answer is going to be.\u00a0 I began to cry and said, “I don’t know.”\u00a0 Why lie to her, I had broken her heart before and I wasn’t going to do that to her again. “I hurt right now and I don’t know how to make that hurt stop.”
\nShe was also born with the ability to make me laugh when I am crying too. After talking to her and Marina I felt better. I informed them that’s it’s okay if they don’t ever want to have a boyfriend.\u00a0 The 6th most miserable morning, I ended up giggling in the bed with my two teenage daughters.\u00a0 I finally decided to eat.<\/p>\n

So, after hours of talking and talking (mostly him, he won’t ever shut up) we decided that we are going to get therapy and marriage counseling.\u00a0 When we know exactly what happened with us and can put a name to it, we can get through it. Hope and Faith is what I am leaning on right now.<\/p>\n

No marriage is perfect and I have done a fine job making it seem like it is…I’m good at that. If you’re wondering how I managed to pull that one off, go read this book called, “Co-Dependant No More”.\u00a0 It’s amazing huh? You read someone for 4 years and you think you know every detail of their life.\u00a0 *shrug* not so much.<\/p>\n

Many of you know this pain and it’s deep,\u00a0\u00a0 painful and gut wrenching.\u00a0 I’m done pretending that it doesn’t hurt and the journey ahead is really fucked up for the people in our lives.\u00a0 We had to inform our dearest friends and family today that we love them very much and we know they have problems, but for the next six months we are only focusing on us and saving our lives.\u00a0 We are going to be pretty much useless when it comes to any problems that people have in their lives.\u00a0 We are begging them to understand that at home, at work and in our personal lives that people only come to us with positive shit.<\/p>\n

This is the point where I fall to my knees in the hallway and slide all the way to the side of the bed with my hands in prayer and yell to God, “ENOUGH. Okay, FINE…you win. I WILL START PRAYING AGAIN! I NEED YOU!”<\/p>\n

Baby steps again, Doctor Marvin. Fucking Baby steps.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alright, I’m ready to talk. It’s not too hard to figure out the combination of not eating, listening to The Commodores on repeat and chain smoking.\u00a0 Marital problems. For those of you that have been reading from day one know that the river that Shaun and I float on is not always smooth sailing.\u00a0 In fact there have been more times I have envisioned taking the oars and beating the life out of him and smiling at the thought of his lifeless body washing up on shore.\u00a0 Perhaps I wasn’t THAT graphic in my writings before. Perhaps I should delete that last sentence. I wont. When Shaun and I met, neither one of us were that interested in being in a relationship. It just sort of happened that we started spending more time with anyone else that were seeing.\u00a0 When our ‘dating’ time ended we went our different ways and because we both missed the friend we had in each other, we started hanging out again 6 months later.\u00a0 Never in a million years would I have ever guessed the words, “I do.” would escape my lips.\u00a0 Don’t get me wrong, I loved him. What’s not to love? I just never wanted to be married again.\u00a0 It had no interest in that sort of pain I caused someone before. I have this fridge magnet that says, “Why get married and make one man miserable when I be single and make hundreds miserable?”\u00a0 In the morning I would meander to the fridge to pull the coffee creamer out and see that beacon and think to myself, “Yeah, it’s time for that one to go.”\u00a0\u00a0 It may sound callous, but honestly I think I felt like I was doing the right thing for them. Thinking back at that time in my life, I am reminded of my wonderful sister and when she was introduced to one of the guys I was seeing.\u00a0 She was so sweet when she so honestly said to this man that it was nice to meet him and that I was going to chew him up, spit him out and leave him heartbroken.\u00a0\u00a0 He laughed and thought my sister was the funniest woman, second to me.\u00a0 When it was over she said to me, “It’s not like I didn’t warn him.” Shaun and I sat up until 5 am this morning talking.\u00a0 We had this choice to make. Either we were done, or we tried to work it out. You know that saying right, ‘First time; shame on you. Second time; shame on me’?\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t really have a high threshold for third time offenders. In fact, after my marriage…my threshold went to zero.\u00a0 You didn’t really have to do anything wrong and I would be done and you would never see me again. When I got married I knew that I was going to have to take the good with the bad.\u00a0 I just didn’t know it was going to be so fucking hard.\u00a0 Knee jerk reaction is to shut down all emotions and go ice cold and ask them very politely to get the hell out of my life and don’t bother coming back. My daughter asked me the other day, “Mom, are you and Shaun going to get a divorce?”\u00a0\u00a0 Shaun and I are the silent fighters and honestly no would know how hard it has been for both of us, if we didn’t tell them.\u00a0 I think Kara was born to know exactly when something was wrong with me.\u00a0 There was never hiding anything from her.\u00a0 There are things she needs to know, but not until I figure out what the answer is going to be.\u00a0 I began to cry and said, “I don’t know.”\u00a0 Why lie to her, I had broken her heart before and I wasn’t going to do that to her again. “I hurt right now and I don’t know how to make that hurt stop.” She was also born with the ability to make me laugh when I am crying too. After talking to her and Marina I felt better. I informed them that’s it’s okay if they don’t ever want to have a boyfriend.\u00a0 The 6th most miserable morning, I ended up giggling in the bed with my two teenage daughters.\u00a0 I finally decided to eat. So, after hours of talking and talking (mostly him, he won’t ever shut up) we decided that we are going to get therapy and marriage counseling.\u00a0 When we know exactly what happened with us and can put a name to it, we can get through it. Hope and Faith is what I am leaning on right now. No marriage is perfect and I have done a fine job making it seem like it is…I’m good at that. If you’re wondering how I managed to pull that one off, go read this book called, “Co-Dependant No More”.\u00a0 It’s amazing huh? You read someone for 4 years and you think you know every detail of their life.\u00a0 *shrug* not so much. Many of you know this pain and it’s deep,\u00a0\u00a0 painful and gut wrenching.\u00a0 I’m done pretending that it doesn’t hurt and the journey ahead is really fucked up for the people in our lives.\u00a0 We had to inform our dearest friends and family today that we love them very much and we know they have problems, but for the next six months we are only focusing on us and saving our lives.\u00a0 We are going to be pretty much useless when it comes to any problems that people have in their lives.\u00a0 We are begging them to understand that at home, at work and in our personal lives that people only come to us with positive shit. This is the point where I fall to my knees in the hallway and slide all the way to the side of the bed with my hands in prayer and yell to God, “ENOUGH. Okay, FINE…you win. I WILL START PRAYING AGAIN! I NEED YOU!” Baby steps again, Doctor Marvin. Fucking Baby steps.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1713","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1713","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1713"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1713\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1713"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1713"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1713"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}