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\nI was asked a question today, “Where you happy you left?”<\/p>\n
\nI was asked a question today, “Where you happy you left?”<\/p>\n
No. I have to answer that question as honestly as I possibly can.\u00a0 When I was married the first time and I stepped out of my first marriage, I did it the chicken shit way out.
\nThe song, “Landslide” has a lyric that said, “I built my life around you.” I did. I built my whole world around someone and a dream of what I thought I wanted.\u00a0 Well, that landslide brought me down.<\/p>\n
In the beginning of phases of me ‘losing my fucking mind’, I heard “Home” by Sheryl Crow.\u00a0 I don’t think she intended it to be the anthem of unhappily married women around the world, but that was MY song. I listened to it and understood it on levels that NO ONE ELSE, EVER, EVER, would get. Yeah, because I was the first unhappy person in a marriage, right?<\/p>\n
<\/font> I made a promise Those lyrics where soulfully sang by non other than my miserable self, over and over.\u00a0 I played the ‘what if’ game. “What if I had done THIS instead…” and then let my mind roam down that path.\u00a0 That path was always better than the reality of where I was. <\/font> I’m going crazy <\/font>“Was I happy I left?” I was asked a question today, “Where you happy you left?” No. I have to answer that question as honestly as I possibly can.\u00a0 When I was married the first time and I stepped out of my first marriage, I did it the chicken shit way out. The song, “Landslide” has a lyric that said, “I built my life around you.” I did. I built my whole world around someone and a dream of what I thought I wanted.\u00a0 Well, that landslide brought me down. In the beginning of phases of me ‘losing my fucking mind’, I heard “Home” by Sheryl Crow.\u00a0 I don’t think she intended it to be the anthem of unhappily married women around the world, but that was MY song. I listened to it and understood it on levels that NO ONE ELSE, EVER, EVER, would get. Yeah, because I was the first unhappy person in a marriage, right? I made a promise Said it everyday Now I’m reading romance novels And I’m dreaming of yesterday Those lyrics where soulfully sang by non other than my miserable self, over and over.\u00a0 I played the ‘what if’ game. “What if I had done THIS instead…” and then let my mind roam down that path.\u00a0 That path was always better than the reality of where I was. Someday, someday I was going to make it better.\u00a0 Then a year later, I would be sitting there singing again thinking to myself, “I thought I said ‘someday i was going to make it better’?\u00a0 I should have done something then. I was more fired up then. Now I have one more reason to stay. I can’t afford to leave….I wonder…what if….” I’m going crazy A little everyday And everything I wanted Is now driving me away I woke this morning To the sound of breaking hearts Mine is full of questions And it’s tearing yours apart… “Was I happy I left?” I am now.\u00a0\u00a0 But honestly, there were whole hours, days and months that living in my own skin was unbearable. I wanted out so badly and then when I got out, I was made to feel like this horrible person.\u00a0 Because I was ‘out’, I was no longer worthy of happiness. It didn’t matter that I begged for help, for someone to talk to, a counceller, a therapist, anyone. It didn’t matter that it felt like my whole world was caving in around my ears; but when his heart broke, then all the sudden the WHOLE WORLD listened and I was asked, “Why didn’t you just ask for help?” This is something, even after all these years I battle with.\u00a0 If this is something you can relate to, please know you’re not alone.\u00a0 I was there. I hit that wall.\u00a0 Someday, you will wake in the morning and say, “whoa…I think I might be okay today.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1668\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nSaid it everyday
\nNow I’m reading romance novels
\nAnd I’m dreaming of yesterday
\n<\/font><\/p>\n
\nSomeday, someday I was going to make it better.\u00a0 Then a year later, I would be sitting there singing again thinking to myself, “I thought I said ‘someday i was going to make it better’?\u00a0 I should have done something then. I was more fired up then. Now I have one more reason to stay. I can’t afford to leave….I wonder…what if….”<\/p>\n
\nA little everyday
\nAnd everything I wanted
\nIs now driving me away
\nI woke this morning
\nTo the sound of breaking hearts
\nMine is full of questions
\nAnd it’s tearing yours apart…<\/p>\n
\nI am now.\u00a0\u00a0 But honestly, there were whole hours, days and months that living in my own skin was unbearable. I wanted out so badly and then when I got out, I was made to feel like this horrible person.\u00a0 Because I was ‘out’, I was no longer worthy of happiness.
\nIt didn’t matter that I begged for help, for someone to talk to, a counceller, a therapist, anyone. It didn’t matter that it felt like my whole world was caving in around my ears; but when his heart broke, then all the sudden the WHOLE WORLD listened and I was asked, “Why didn’t you just ask for help?”
\nThis is something, even after all these years I battle with.\u00a0 If this is something you can relate to, please know you’re not alone.\u00a0 I was there. I hit that wall.\u00a0 Someday, you will wake in the morning and say, “whoa…I think I might be okay today.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"