{"id":1645,"date":"2008-04-11T14:47:49","date_gmt":"2008-04-11T21:47:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1645"},"modified":"2008-04-11T14:47:49","modified_gmt":"2008-04-11T21:47:49","slug":"thank-u-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1645","title":{"rendered":"thank u"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is this song by Alanis Morisette that I heard one night while sitting in my garage trying to piece together what was left of my sanity.
\nEvery time I hear the song, I remember that moment in time (2003) and how confused and scared I was. The song actually allowed me to get up and move again.
\nI have been wanting to post it and give what I am \u2019thankful\u2019 for.<\/span><\/p>\n


\n how bout getting off these antibiotics<\/span>
\n<\/font>For me, this meant…there were things I was trying to do to \u2019heal\u2019 myself and it was all the wrong things.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout stopping eating when I\u2019m full up<\/span>
\nOr how about stopping eating before I am so full I am sick.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout them transparent dangling carrots
\n<\/span>I kept doing things, thinking that if I did it thier way, everyone would be happy. I kept falling for that trick. I still do.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout that ever elusive kudo<\/span>
\nHow many times do I have to keep doing those same things thinking people will notice and say, “Wow Kristine, great job.” No matter what it was, personal or business.<\/font><\/p>\n

thank you india<\/span>
\nMeditate<\/font>
\n thank you terror<\/span>
\nRemember to be prepared.<\/font>
\n thank you disillusionment<\/span>
\nNothing is what it seems. NOTHING.<\/font>
\n thank you frailty<\/span>
\nI too can get hurt. <\/font>
\n thank you consequence<\/span>
\nDo unto others and you would have done unto you.<\/font>
\n thank you thank you silence<\/span>
\nThese moments alone in my garage is exactly what I need. <\/font><\/p>\n

how bout me not blaming you for everything<\/span>
\nIt\u2019s not all your fault. I take blame.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout me enjoying the moment for once<\/span>
\nThe next moment when I get up and leave is always what was I was thinking, with anyone.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you<\/span>
\nWe couldn\u2019t be where we are today if I didn\u2019t.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout grieving it all one at a time<\/span>
\nI was spending days, months and years grieving for something that didn\u2019t need to be grieved for anymore. <\/font><\/p>\n

thank you india<\/span>
\nIt\u2019s okay to dance, chant and sing for no reason.<\/font>
\n thank you terror<\/span>
\nBe grateful for the safety you have RIGHT NOW.<\/font>
\n thank you disillusionment<\/span>
\nMy parents had their own problems, they weren\u2019t mine. They weren\u2019t my fault.<\/font>
\n thank you frailty<\/span>
\nBeing knocked down makes you look at being able to stand on your feet in a whole new light.<\/font>
\n thank you consequence<\/span>
\nThere is a bed and you will make it and you will \u2019lie\u2019 in it.<\/font>
\n thank you thank you silence<\/span>
\nDon\u2019t talk, just listen.<\/font><\/p>\n

the moment I let go of it was the moment<\/span>
I got more than I could handle<\/span>
the moment I jumped off of it<\/span>
was the moment I touched down<\/span><\/p>\n

This was the part that reached in and shook me. I knew I was holding on to something bigger than I was. If I could just get past that and let go, I would be given something healthy to replace it.
\nBeing able to \u2019jump off of it\u2019 allowed me to open up to not being in control of the situation and that allowed me to feel like I was standing on my own two feet.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout no longer being masochistic
\n<\/span>I beat the living shit out of myself, mentally.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout remembering your divinity<\/span>
\nFind that little girl who could talk to God and listen back.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out<\/span>
\nYes, hearing this let me know that it was okay to just let it out for no reason.<\/font><\/p>\n

how bout not equating death with stopping (i heard starving)<\/span>
\nThe use of words here. How often do we say \u2019starving\u2019 and there is a chance that no one will ever know what it truly means to \u2019starve\u2019 even close to death. Show respect with the words you use.<\/font><\/p>\n

What a strange time in my life. I am so grateful to have this memory so vivid. It\u2019s a reminder of who I am and how I got \u2019here\u2019.
\nI no longer have dangling carrots. I am working on the other ones…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is this song by Alanis Morisette that I heard one night while sitting in my garage trying to piece together what was left of my sanity. Every time I hear the song, I remember that moment in time (2003) and how confused and scared I was. The song actually allowed me to get up and move again. I have been wanting to post it and give what I am \u2019thankful\u2019 for. how bout getting off these antibiotics For me, this meant…there were things I was trying to do to \u2019heal\u2019 myself and it was all the wrong things. how bout stopping eating when I\u2019m full up Or how about stopping eating before I am so full I am sick. how bout them transparent dangling carrots I kept doing things, thinking that if I did it thier way, everyone would be happy. I kept falling for that trick. I still do. how bout that ever elusive kudo How many times do I have to keep doing those same things thinking people will notice and say, “Wow Kristine, great job.” No matter what it was, personal or business. thank you india Meditate thank you terror Remember to be prepared. thank you disillusionment Nothing is what it seems. NOTHING. thank you frailty I too can get hurt. thank you consequence Do unto others and you would have done unto you. thank you thank you silence These moments alone in my garage is exactly what I need. how bout me not blaming you for everything It\u2019s not all your fault. I take blame. how bout me enjoying the moment for once The next moment when I get up and leave is always what was I was thinking, with anyone. how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you We couldn\u2019t be where we are today if I didn\u2019t. how bout grieving it all one at a time I was spending days, months and years grieving for something that didn\u2019t need to be grieved for anymore. thank you india It\u2019s okay to dance, chant and sing for no reason. thank you terror Be grateful for the safety you have RIGHT NOW. thank you disillusionment My parents had their own problems, they weren\u2019t mine. They weren\u2019t my fault. thank you frailty Being knocked down makes you look at being able to stand on your feet in a whole new light. thank you consequence There is a bed and you will make it and you will \u2019lie\u2019 in it. thank you thank you silence Don\u2019t talk, just listen. the moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle the moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down This was the part that reached in and shook me. I knew I was holding on to something bigger than I was. If I could just get past that and let go, I would be given something healthy to replace it. Being able to \u2019jump off of it\u2019 allowed me to open up to not being in control of the situation and that allowed me to feel like I was standing on my own two feet. how bout no longer being masochistic I beat the living shit out of myself, mentally. how bout remembering your divinity Find that little girl who could talk to God and listen back. how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out Yes, hearing this let me know that it was okay to just let it out for no reason. how bout not equating death with stopping (i heard starving) The use of words here. How often do we say \u2019starving\u2019 and there is a chance that no one will ever know what it truly means to \u2019starve\u2019 even close to death. Show respect with the words you use. What a strange time in my life. I am so grateful to have this memory so vivid. It\u2019s a reminder of who I am and how I got \u2019here\u2019. I no longer have dangling carrots. I am working on the other ones…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1645","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1645","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1645"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1645\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1645"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1645"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1645"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}