![](\"http:\/\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2167\/2260010880_86de4605bf.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
It’s been nearly a month that I have been off my anti-anxiety medication.\u00a0 The first couple of weeks were hard. The third week was total bliss. This fourth week is trial and error.<\/p>\n
In the first couple of weeks, I didn’t tell anyone that I had ran out of pills and was choosing not to refill them.\u00a0 It took some time for my body to realize that I wasn’t on any medication and when it did, I got bombarded with ‘zaps’ of anxiety.\u00a0 A ‘zap’ isn’t a medical term, it’s a Kristine-term.\u00a0 Imagine if you will sitting on the couch minding your own business and someone comes up behind you and scares the living shit out of you.\u00a0 That is a ‘zap’.\u00a0 I got about 40 of those in an hour.\u00a0 24 hours a day.<\/p>\n
After the ‘zaps’ started to balance out to 15 an hour and then to 5 an hour, I began getting this strange “I’m on LCD” feeling.
\nFor the first time in nearly 2 years, I wanted to get out of the house and go places.\u00a0 The bummer was driving while ‘not medicated’.\u00a0\u00a0 Certain that I would die if someone decided to merge into my lane, I chose to wait out the ‘zaps’.\u00a0 The ‘fuzzy feeling’ of week 3 was worse than the ‘zaps’.\u00a0 I swear, if I could bottle the shit that was floating around in my head, I could sell it for thousands. People would pay good money to enjoy the euphoric feeling my brain was sending me.<\/p>\n
During the last week, I even stopped taking medication to sleep.\u00a0 Whoa. Never again will I take medication to sleep.\u00a0 It’s better to just stay awake for 5 days straight then try to fall asleep without medication after being on it for years.<\/p>\n
So, here I am.\u00a0 Clean of all medication and souped up on vitamins.<\/p>\n
How am I doing?<\/p>\n
On an hourly basis, I am reminded of WHY I was on medication.\u00a0\u00a0 What is going on with the ‘firing in my brain’ is clearly off. I understand this.\u00a0 This isn’t my fault.\u00a0 I think that was the first thing I needed to except. With that knowledge, I am able to see it for what it is, ‘a faulty brain’.
\nLearning to fall asleep, be tired and let go was hard, but I was certain it was going to be worse.\u00a0 It was absolutely the hardest part though.<\/p>\n
Now to the part that I am blessed\/cursed with.\u00a0 I LOVE getting out the house again.\u00a0 Oh my GOD, I had forgotten what it was like to be able to just walk out of the house and go.\u00a0 I thought for sure, being on the medication, It would give me the ‘power’ to get out. It did in the beginning, but as the months turned into years, I found that the comfort of ‘under the covers’ was so much better.
\nThere hasn’t been a day in a month that I settled for being in the house all day.\u00a0 I must get out and feel the sun.<\/p>\n
Now for the cursed part.\u00a0 On medication; “Whatever.”\u00a0 without medication; “NO!”
\nI will not put up with the bullshit that I had put up with during my medicated years.\u00a0 When I am pissed off, you’ll know about it.\u00a0 When I feel like I am being used, I will cut you out of my life faster than you’ll have a chance to say you’re sorry.
\nMy way or the highway. I am in charge of this life and if you’re lucky enough to be a part of it, you respect me.\u00a0 If you’re not, you’re not going to hear about it, you’re going to just find yourself scratching your head saying, “Whoa…what happened. I had used her as a doormat before and she didn’t mind.”<\/p>\n
My Aries fire is back.<\/p>\n
I’m happy though. Even with the ‘zaps’ and the ‘no bullshit’ outlook.\u00a0 I think I can manage it.<\/p>\n
I can do this. Welcome 2008.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s been nearly a month that I have been off my anti-anxiety medication.\u00a0 The first couple of weeks were hard. The third week was total bliss. This fourth week is trial and error. In the first couple of weeks, I didn’t tell anyone that I had ran out of pills and was choosing not to refill them.\u00a0 It took some time for my body to realize that I wasn’t on any medication and when it did, I got bombarded with ‘zaps’ of anxiety.\u00a0 A ‘zap’ isn’t a medical term, it’s a Kristine-term.\u00a0 Imagine if you will sitting on the couch minding your own business and someone comes up behind you and scares the living shit out of you.\u00a0 That is a ‘zap’.\u00a0 I got about 40 of those in an hour.\u00a0 24 hours a day. After the ‘zaps’ started to balance out to 15 an hour and then to 5 an hour, I began getting this strange “I’m on LCD” feeling. For the first time in nearly 2 years, I wanted to get out of the house and go places.\u00a0 The bummer was driving while ‘not medicated’.\u00a0\u00a0 Certain that I would die if someone decided to merge into my lane, I chose to wait out the ‘zaps’.\u00a0 The ‘fuzzy feeling’ of week 3 was worse than the ‘zaps’.\u00a0 I swear, if I could bottle the shit that was floating around in my head, I could sell it for thousands. People would pay good money to enjoy the euphoric feeling my brain was sending me. During the last week, I even stopped taking medication to sleep.\u00a0 Whoa. Never again will I take medication to sleep.\u00a0 It’s better to just stay awake for 5 days straight then try to fall asleep without medication after being on it for years. So, here I am.\u00a0 Clean of all medication and souped up on vitamins. How am I doing? On an hourly basis, I am reminded of WHY I was on medication.\u00a0\u00a0 What is going on with the ‘firing in my brain’ is clearly off. I understand this.\u00a0 This isn’t my fault.\u00a0 I think that was the first thing I needed to except. With that knowledge, I am able to see it for what it is, ‘a faulty brain’. Learning to fall asleep, be tired and let go was hard, but I was certain it was going to be worse.\u00a0 It was absolutely the hardest part though. Now to the part that I am blessed\/cursed with.\u00a0 I LOVE getting out the house again.\u00a0 Oh my GOD, I had forgotten what it was like to be able to just walk out of the house and go.\u00a0 I thought for sure, being on the medication, It would give me the ‘power’ to get out. It did in the beginning, but as the months turned into years, I found that the comfort of ‘under the covers’ was so much better. There hasn’t been a day in a month that I settled for being in the house all day.\u00a0 I must get out and feel the sun. Now for the cursed part.\u00a0 On medication; “Whatever.”\u00a0 without medication; “NO!” I will not put up with the bullshit that I had put up with during my medicated years.\u00a0 When I am pissed off, you’ll know about it.\u00a0 When I feel like I am being used, I will cut you out of my life faster than you’ll have a chance to say you’re sorry. My way or the highway. I am in charge of this life and if you’re lucky enough to be a part of it, you respect me.\u00a0 If you’re not, you’re not going to hear about it, you’re going to just find yourself scratching your head saying, “Whoa…what happened. I had used her as a doormat before and she didn’t mind.” My Aries fire is back. I’m happy though. Even with the ‘zaps’ and the ‘no bullshit’ outlook.\u00a0 I think I can manage it. I can do this. Welcome 2008.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1595"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}