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Shaun watched over my shoulder as I changed my layout again. All I can say, is that is how I am feeling right now. Tyler and I have been battling through this cough and cold.\u00a0 Yesterday when he got home from school we were both coughing. It was funny at first because I would cough, and then he would cough.\u00a0 For awhile I thought we were having a ‘coughing war’.\u00a0 Later that night I could hear him coughing in the living room and I was in the bedroom coughing. You know that commercial where it says, “Who does depression hurt?\u00a0 Everyone.”?\u00a0 Yeah…He sees it and doesn’t know how to confront me about it. And now I am going to say it;\u00a0 I need help. I need support. I can’t do this alone.<\/p>\n The battle with anxiety is at bay. The control I have over it is manageable and knowing I can go into a situation I wouldn’t normally be able to handle is a feeling I can’t explain.\u00a0 It’s not gone, but damn it…I got a grip. My dearest, sweetest, most loving husband…you can’t fix this.\u00a0 I know that is the most horrible thing to say to someone who spends 18 hours of his day making sure that at the end of the day, things are resolved or in the process of being fixed. Just start with listening when I need talk. Don’t talk. Just listen.<\/p>\n When I say, “PINEAPPLE” just know it’s time to call the doctor and figure out what they can do STAT.<\/p>\n Until then, everyone just bear with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Shaun watched over my shoulder as I changed my layout again. “Why that picture?” he asked. “It’s how I feel.” “It’s depressing.” All I can say, is that is how I am feeling right now. Saying that I am ‘depressed’ isn’t easy for me.\u00a0 It’s taken me a long time to admit that I had anxiety.\u00a0 I think it’s going to be harder to admit that I have ‘depression’. Tyler and I have been battling through this cough and cold.\u00a0 Yesterday when he got home from school we were both coughing. It was funny at first because I would cough, and then he would cough.\u00a0 For awhile I thought we were having a ‘coughing war’.\u00a0 Later that night I could hear him coughing in the living room and I was in the bedroom coughing. Today I asked him if his neck was hurting.\u00a0 He told me no and I explained to him that my neck was in so much pain.\u00a0 He said to me, “Well, maybe it’s because your down..like..forever.” You know that commercial where it says, “Who does depression hurt?\u00a0 Everyone.”?\u00a0 Yeah…He sees it and doesn’t know how to confront me about it. Kara leaves me text messages telling me she loves me.\u00a0 Alyx crawls in bed with me and cuddles, trying to find a place in my world that she can connect with me. And now I am going to say it;\u00a0 I need help. I need support. I can’t do this alone. The battle with anxiety is at bay. The control I have over it is manageable and knowing I can go into a situation I wouldn’t normally be able to handle is a feeling I can’t explain.\u00a0 It’s not gone, but damn it…I got a grip. This new thing; the feeling of despair and sadness is indescribable.\u00a0 If you have it, you could probably put it to words better than I can. My dearest, sweetest, most loving husband…you can’t fix this.\u00a0 I know that is the most horrible thing to say to someone who spends 18 hours of his day making sure that at the end of the day, things are resolved or in the process of being fixed. I swear, I believe there isn’t anything you can’t make all better because you are the voice of reason, everyone’s rock and the first person people come to when they need advice. Just start with listening when I need talk. Don’t talk. Just listen. When I say, “PINEAPPLE” just know it’s time to call the doctor and figure out what they can do STAT. Until then, everyone just bear with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1561","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1561","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1561"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1561\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1561"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1561"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1561"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n“Why that<\/em> picture?” he asked.
\n“It’s how I feel.”
\n“It’s depressing.”<\/p>\n
\nSaying that I am ‘depressed’ isn’t easy for me.\u00a0 It’s taken me a long time to admit that I had anxiety.\u00a0 I think it’s going to be harder to admit that I have ‘depression’.<\/p>\n
\nToday I asked him if his neck was hurting.\u00a0 He told me no and I explained to him that my neck was in so much pain.\u00a0 He said to me, “Well, maybe it’s because your down..like..forever.”<\/p>\n
\nKara leaves me text messages telling me she loves me.\u00a0 Alyx crawls in bed with me and cuddles, trying to find a place in my world that she can connect with me.<\/p>\n
\nThis new thing; the feeling of despair and sadness is indescribable.\u00a0 If you have it, you could probably put it to words better than I can.<\/p>\n
\nI swear, I believe there isn’t anything you can’t make all better because you are the voice of reason, everyone’s rock and the first person people come to when they need advice.<\/p>\n