I decided after watching a lot of the late night infomercials that after 35 things need to be taken note of. Like, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t take \u2026 if you\u2019re 35 and smoke.\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019re 35 and smoke, please consult your doctor.\u201d \u201cYou can NOT take this if you\u2019re 35 and still smoking like a house on fire.\u201d<\/p>\n
I decided about 3 months ago that I was going to quit smoking on my 35th birthday, because that is what the television told me to do. Do not smoke after you\u2019re 35 or you won\u2019t be able to take all the pills later in life that is going to make me die healthier.<\/p>\n
This was the plan; Kara\u2019s birthday is Friday and mine is Saturday. I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday (yes, ON my birthday) so I was going to quit on Kara\u2019s birthday. What a gift to give your child. Your mother around longer. Whooopie.<\/p>\n
So Thursday night, the lungs and I were going to get all dressed up and hit the town. A little bit of the bar scene, a tad of trippin\u2019 the light fantastic and a stroll around a smoky casino. It was going to be a fabulous time had by all. I was going to send the people at Phillip and Morris pictures of the night and they were going post it on a billboard for all the world to enjoy. It would be me and my slightly charred lungs with a top hat and me in my shaker girl costume dancing and smoking. Can you hear the music and see the lights?<\/p>\n
And then the cold hit. Last night I only had one smoke and went to bed. This morning I got a visit from left lung. He came flying up out of my throat after some strange half cough, half sneeze maneuver.<\/p>\n
\u201dWhoa! Dude.\u201d He said. \u201cDo you know how many times I thought you were going to actually do that in High School? I mean, cough up a lung?!\u201d
\n\u201dHi lung.\u201d I say. I mean, what do you say to a lung you have abused your whole life?
\n\u201dHey, about Thursday.\u201d He shuffles around a bit, \u201cI\u2019m not feeling much like going out. I know we made plans, but damnnnnnn that cold really kicked my ass and I\u2019m not thinking I can withstand one of your all night smoking binges. Especially if you decide to go with the 100\u2019s. I don\u2019t think I can handle it. We are almost 35 you know?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dYeah, that\u2019s why I wanted to have a party.\u201d I know my lungs are right. It doesn\u2019t change the fact that I wanted one last hoorah with them before I put down the lighter forever. \u201cHow about this? I quit smoking now, but I get a mulligan later in life? Just one hoorah out of the blue for no reason? Deal?\u201d<\/p>\n
My lung didn\u2019t look convinced. \u201cNo way. You did that to me after you stopped smoking for like 5 years. Do you remember how trashed I was? I couldn\u2019t even function right for days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201dSo this is it? That lame cigarette I smoked last night was THEE last smoke? I didn\u2019t even enjoy it. My throat hurt and I couldn\u2019t even taste it. \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
And so begins the task of a life of smoke free living\u2026and trying to figure out how to get my left lung back into my chest cavity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I decided after watching a lot of the late night infomercials that after 35 things need to be taken note of. Like, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t take \u2026 if you\u2019re 35 and smoke.\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019re 35 and smoke, please consult your doctor.\u201d \u201cYou can NOT take this if you\u2019re 35 and still smoking like a house on fire.\u201d I decided about 3 months ago that I was going to quit smoking on my 35th birthday, because that is what the television told me to do. Do not smoke after you\u2019re 35 or you won\u2019t be able to take all the pills later in life that is going to make me die healthier. This was the plan; Kara\u2019s birthday is Friday and mine is Saturday. I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday (yes, ON my birthday) so I was going to quit on Kara\u2019s birthday. What a gift to give your child. Your mother around longer. Whooopie. So Thursday night, the lungs and I were going to get all dressed up and hit the town. A little bit of the bar scene, a tad of trippin\u2019 the light fantastic and a stroll around a smoky casino. It was going to be a fabulous time had by all. I was going to send the people at Phillip and Morris pictures of the night and they were going post it on a billboard for all the world to enjoy. It would be me and my slightly charred lungs with a top hat and me in my shaker girl costume dancing and smoking. Can you hear the music and see the lights? And then the cold hit. Last night I only had one smoke and went to bed. This morning I got a visit from left lung. He came flying up out of my throat after some strange half cough, half sneeze maneuver. \u201dWhoa! Dude.\u201d He said. \u201cDo you know how many times I thought you were going to actually do that in High School? I mean, cough up a lung?!\u201d \u201dHi lung.\u201d I say. I mean, what do you say to a lung you have abused your whole life? \u201dHey, about Thursday.\u201d He shuffles around a bit, \u201cI\u2019m not feeling much like going out. I know we made plans, but damnnnnnn that cold really kicked my ass and I\u2019m not thinking I can withstand one of your all night smoking binges. Especially if you decide to go with the 100\u2019s. I don\u2019t think I can handle it. We are almost 35 you know?\u201d \u201dYeah, that\u2019s why I wanted to have a party.\u201d I know my lungs are right. It doesn\u2019t change the fact that I wanted one last hoorah with them before I put down the lighter forever. \u201cHow about this? I quit smoking now, but I get a mulligan later in life? Just one hoorah out of the blue for no reason? Deal?\u201d My lung didn\u2019t look convinced. \u201cNo way. You did that to me after you stopped smoking for like 5 years. Do you remember how trashed I was? I couldn\u2019t even function right for days.\u201d \u201dSo this is it? That lame cigarette I smoked last night was THEE last smoke? I didn\u2019t even enjoy it. My throat hurt and I couldn\u2019t even taste it. \u201c \u201cYep.\u201d And so begins the task of a life of smoke free living\u2026and trying to figure out how to get my left lung back into my chest cavity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1340","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1340"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1340\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1340"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1340"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1340"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}