{"id":1143,"date":"2006-08-22T09:49:29","date_gmt":"2006-08-22T16:49:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1143"},"modified":"2006-08-22T09:49:29","modified_gmt":"2006-08-22T16:49:29","slug":"dancing-the-jig","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/?p=1143","title":{"rendered":"*dancing the jig*"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n

This morning was painless.\u00a0 Oh Dear God in heaven THANK YOU.<\/p>\n

Can you hear that? It’s called ‘sweet sweet silence’.\u00a0 I can actually hear the dog in the kitchen licking the tile.\u00a0 I can hear the silent hum of my computer. I can hear the Starbucks coffee as it hits my stomach.<\/p>\n

Things I can do right now:<\/p>\n

1. Go pee with the door wide open and not have to be yelling, “I’m peeing!!” the whole time in fear of someone walking in.<\/p>\n

2. I can take a shower and sing without a crowd of young girls at the door staring at me like I am slaughtering a small animal in there with me.<\/p>\n

3. I can walk out the door without having to explain where I am going to 5 different children I come across on my path to the car.<\/p>\n

4. In theory, I could clean the house and it would stay that way until 3pm. I say, ‘in theory’ because there is no way in hell i’m going to waste this time…CLEANING.<\/p>\n

5. I don’t have to look for ANYTHING. I could just sit here and not have to worry about anything that is floating around in this strange vortex of missing objects.<\/p>\n

6. I could call my sister back, but calling her back within an hour of her calling and leaving a message would, at her ripe old age, give her a heart attack.\u00a0 I might need to wait a day or two.<\/p>\n

7. I could take off my clothes and walk into the kitchen. I won’t because it scares the dogs.<\/p>\n

8. I could open a candy bar and not have to worry about being quiet about it because my children have super sonic hearing and can hear a Hershey’s wrapper opening a mile away.<\/p>\n

9. I could at any point today walk into the kitchen and not see Tyler on the computer or playing his video game that I have told him to put away a hundred times in the last week alone.<\/p>\n

10. I could try that, ‘folding and hanging’ of clothes that Soozie spoke of.<\/p>\n

I will do none of this because i’m just going to sit in the middle of the bed and close my eyes and listen to the dog licking the tile in the kitchen for the next\u00a0 5 hours.
\nThis is going to be a good school year.<\/p>\n


\n<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This morning was painless.\u00a0 Oh Dear God in heaven THANK YOU. Can you hear that? It’s called ‘sweet sweet silence’.\u00a0 I can actually hear the dog in the kitchen licking the tile.\u00a0 I can hear the silent hum of my computer. I can hear the Starbucks coffee as it hits my stomach. Things I can do right now: 1. Go pee with the door wide open and not have to be yelling, “I’m peeing!!” the whole time in fear of someone walking in. 2. I can take a shower and sing without a crowd of young girls at the door staring at me like I am slaughtering a small animal in there with me. 3. I can walk out the door without having to explain where I am going to 5 different children I come across on my path to the car. 4. In theory, I could clean the house and it would stay that way until 3pm. I say, ‘in theory’ because there is no way in hell i’m going to waste this time…CLEANING. 5. I don’t have to look for ANYTHING. I could just sit here and not have to worry about anything that is floating around in this strange vortex of missing objects. 6. I could call my sister back, but calling her back within an hour of her calling and leaving a message would, at her ripe old age, give her a heart attack.\u00a0 I might need to wait a day or two. 7. I could take off my clothes and walk into the kitchen. I won’t because it scares the dogs. 8. I could open a candy bar and not have to worry about being quiet about it because my children have super sonic hearing and can hear a Hershey’s wrapper opening a mile away. 9. I could at any point today walk into the kitchen and not see Tyler on the computer or playing his video game that I have told him to put away a hundred times in the last week alone. 10. I could try that, ‘folding and hanging’ of clothes that Soozie spoke of. I will do none of this because i’m just going to sit in the middle of the bed and close my eyes and listen to the dog licking the tile in the kitchen for the next\u00a0 5 hours. This is going to be a good school year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1143"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/randomandodd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}