I’m getting old.
I’m okay with this.
It’s the part i’m not comfortable with is that I can relate to my sister and mom on a whole new level.
I’m not comfortable with it because I now feel SO guilty for sweeping up the whole living room only to sweep the crap UNDER the couch, for half ass washing the dishes and then being pissed at my sister when she looked at me like I was fucking crazy for trying to put the dirty plate in the cupboard. For all the times I walked through the house and over trash and DIDN’T pick it up. For the times I told my mom I was cleaning my room when really I was pretending to be Janet or Chrissy from “Three’s Company” and my room was my apartment that I had to clean up before a ‘date’ showed up so I just threw shit under my bed or in my closet. I feel guilty for the time I took a big marker pen and put cursive L’s on everything in the kitchen because I WAS Laverne and I needed everyone in our house to know it too.
I now realize Kathy wasn’t mad at ME that Paul (her son) put gum in his hair, she was mad at me because I watched him do it, didn’t stop him, and was going to be spending the rest of the night trying to hold down a squirmy, wet, 3 year old boy and try to cut the gum out of his hair. [sidenote: he didn’t trust her with anything sharp after she took a blister out of his finger. he would HIDE every single needle in the house in his toybox!]
I now understand why mom got so pissy when I chose to talk on the phone than watch a movie with her.
So, last night…I layed on the couch and watched, “The Princess Diaries 2” with my girls and enjoyed it. I know these days won’t last forever. I find comfort in knowing that each one of my children will feel horrible guilt for being a mean sister and bad daughter. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “Stop biting your sister, she’s going to be your best friend someday!” they don’t care. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “I’M YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!” they are still going to think I am crazy and wrong.
AND no matter how cool I am, I am NEVER going to be as cool as their Auntie Kathy and Grandma…so I guess what comes around, goes around. [damn, my mother was right!]