It’s Friday morning and I was thinking how tonight I will come home and finish taking down my tree and preparing for the new year ahead of me.
New years was amazing. One of the bests I can remember. I had a great dinner with my mom, sister and brother in law. When I got home I got to talk to my best friend from high school. It was beyond words I can use to explain how incredibly special that conversation was to me. “Missing” her just doesn’t cover it. When I heard her voice it was like a part of my soul filled up. The first day of the year I got to see her. What a wonderful way to start of the new year. The next day I got to hang out with my other friend, Bo from high school. High school for me was in the 1980’s so it’s a great feeling to ‘remember’.
The friendships I had back then were like (what I would guess) people that go through boot camp with and then end up at war, fighting side by side. The stories we have are hysterical and heartbreaking. Putting our stories together and filling in the holes of our memories.
The whole, ‘not giving a shit what people think’ is still stirring around in my brain. This life, the short grain of sand in the big scheme of things is tugging at me. I’m ready to not give a shit anymore and just live this bitch until the wheels fall off.
Sometimes when I start getting too much in my head, I think, “Who fucking cares?” and then I think about the shit that people will talk if I decided to live my life like I really want to…and that kills the dream, BUT THEN this voice pops into my head. It’s Tabitha and she’s saying, “Go away, you are nobody.” EXACTLY, all those people that will have my name on their lips, talking their shit are nobody. In the BIG PICTURE of this life I really only care what my sister thinks about me. She is my compass and she points me in the right direction. My girls…well, lets be honest…they know that their mom is different, lives by the rules, but is constantly finding ways to break them. They understand I am not like other moms. I love differently.
So yeah. Who gives a shit if I decide to just pack it all in and just live this life until it’s over?