I went to lunch with a friend from Jerusalem yesterday. We met when we were both skydiving in 2009 and remained friends because we have so much in common. When he moved, I didn’t think it would be for so long, but he loves the difference he is making over there and finally came home for a visit.
While walking through the shops in old town I was pointing out all the weird stuff I love. He said, “Someday when you meet a nice guy and move in together…” and I cut him off right there. “I’m not interested in meeting a nice guy. I had a nice guy and I loved him to death. I’m interested in learning to love myself that much and to love myself as much as he loved me. IF I can figure that out, there is a chance I will survive this crazy life.” He didn’t understand that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, “Is that what you say, but deep down you really want someone in your life?”
Being happily married to a wonderful woman I can see how he didn’t understand where I was coming from.
“No, I really don’t.”
Last weekend I spent the night with some friends and had a great night with lots of laughs. I got up the next morning and went to a photoshoot for some other friends. Now here’s where I realized how incredibly happy I am with my life; The dad was in bad mood. Mom was awesome. Kids were great. We grabbed a bite to eat before we headed out and I watched Dad just being a big ol’ grumbly bear and I just smiled. I know this family…I have been friends with Dad for nearly 17 years. He wasn’t in a good mood AT ALL. They all climbed in their SUV and I climbed into my little car and waited as they got the kids strapped in and watched the grumble grumble. My music was playing the music I wanted to listen to and I sang along as I followed them to the photoshoot location. My heart nearly exploded with happiness when I realized that not a single ounce of my amazingly great mood could be ruined by another person in my life. This amazingly great mood wasn’t brought on by someone else either, it was MY good mood. I wouldn’t have to sit in a car with someone and ask, “You mad at me?” or “Want to talk?” Nope, I don’t have to feel like shit about being in one mood another. I can be happy in my car singing and without a single person I needed to let know where I was going or when I would be back.
After the shoot was over, I walked around the old town and popped into shops. I sat down in a coffee shop alone and people watched. Smiling the whole time. As I made my way back to the car, I said quietly…”I love my life.”
I want to always be THIS happy.