Well, it’s not an ongoing debate with me, because I have known all along that those damn things were face eating creatures.
They are like something out of a Dr. Who episode when those cubes tried to take over the world. People had them in their houses and low and behold they were aliens just waiting for the right moment to attack.
These creepy ass Elf on a Shelf are just like the cubes. They will at some point, sneak in your room while you’re probably still snickering about the funny little predicament you put him in and then eat your face like a hungry zombie!
I’m not a fan of gnomes. This is a very well known fact among my circle of friends and all of my facebook friends who think it’s just OH SO FUNNY to randomly put a picture of a gnome on my wall. It’s come down to threatening to not only unfriend them, but to block them if they do it again.
One of the hockey husbands gave Lester a gnome for his birthday and for some reason, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s actually kind of cute, so I am under the impression that at some point in his little life he wasn’t always a gnome. Perhaps a baby seal or fluffy kitten.
I know he did it because we had just had the discussion of how creepy gnomes are and how they are evil on every level…and that Lester thinks they are cute. Lester also thinks that skull and crossbones are cool, blowing things up, farting and burping the alphabet is cool (okay, so that stuff is cool, gnomes are not)
Maybe because it was given to him with love that it doesn’t bother me…but I swear on all things precious to me, if at any point that little dick gives me the evil eye, he will be firewood at our next bonfire.
Gnomes and Elves are creepy fucking cousins.
The other day, Lester and I are lollygagging along through Barnes and Nobel and he sees the Elf on a Shelf, which he KNOWS I have an issue with because of that creepy, “i could kill you even though i have no hands or feet” smile. :::heebie jeebie:::: and he says, “Oh yeah, we should get one of these.”
I don’t usually say much when it comes to what we as a couple should bring into the house, because I don’t really care much, but this I put my foot down on. “NO. WE WILL NOT!” and he then reminded me of the funny website with the Elf posed in really funny ways that I put on Facebook with the caption: “And this is probably why it’s good that my kids are grown and the job of posing those creepy ass Elf on the Shelf is not in my hands… these are pretty funny, but I could win awards for disturbing. *evil laughter*”
He does this giggle and starts to come up with another reason.
“NO, NO, NO!”
This back and forth carries on into the cafe where I finally throw it out there, “NO. I will leave you. It’s me or the Elf.”
I get it, I get how people think that it’s funny and how your kid would think ….no, it’s still fucking creepy. I never liked the idea of Santa creeping into the house and eating cookies. The first time Kara asked if Santa was real I told her the truth. She in turned told her sisters.
I did say this though, “No, he’s not real…but if you just go with it you’ll get more presents under the tree and a stocking full of candy. I love you, kid.”
Scrooge? Naw. I love Christmas. I love the tree, the colors, the lights, the music and the all around good tidings bullshit. I just don’t like those scary ass face eating elves.