Random and Odd

Some people look at clouds. Some people look for holes.

People come into our lives for a reason…at a certain time. I can usually figure out why they are there within a few weeks.
I often question why certain people move in and out of our lives. You think they will be there forever because the bond is so deep. Some people you think you will meet and never talk to again.

Recently I have had new people come in.  How long they will be there is now a question that first comes to mind. I never was this cynical, but with the events in my life, when shaking hands I think, ‘Nice to meet you, how are you going to destroy my life?’.
I have let my guard down a few times in the past month to allow some really neat people in.  One is a woman that I respect greatly.  The amount of time we spend talking through IM is just stupid.  She makes me laugh and I do the same. The conversations will get serious and then always lead back to something totally stupid and we laugh again. She asks me questions about the stuff that I have been through and she actually has asked me questions I have avoided asking myself.
The other people are a bi-product of skydiving. They came into my world and became my family. My Sky-Family.

Lastly I have allowed people I have pushed out of my life back in. I want to beg, “Please don’t break my heart again like you have done so many times before. I want to trust that what you say is true and right and you’re not going to turn on me. I don’t think I can handle looking like an idiot anymore.”  — but with this friendship I have to allow that there will be the downs with the ups. When we talk, she speaks the truth.
There are many things I have wanted to tell people that have come and gone from my life for various reasons. The number one thing is, “I wish you would have told me this information BEFORE I married him!” — but the reality is I, without a doubt, wouldn’t have believe anyone when they told me he was anything less than a saint.

I sent a mean text the other night. I wish I could say I regret the text, but I don’t.  Maybe it’s this new phase in the healing process.  I’m past a lot of the stuff that happened. NOT past a bunch of other stuff.  There are things I wanted to say that I have haven’t. Is this the place? Why the hell not.

You will never be a part of the ex-wives club. Why? because unlike us, we didn’t have any formal warning of what was to come. We were blindsided.  We were lead to believe that the person we were allowing not only into our lives, but our children’s lives, was going to be real, true, honest and faithful.  She believed it because she was the first. I believe it because I didn’t have any warning.
I’m going to make this short; He will, without a shadow of a doubt, do what he did her, do what he did to me….to you. You’re not special. You’re not anything that we weren’t. Because you were the other woman doesn’t give you the leg up or any special insite to how he thinks or feels…it certainly doesn’t give you a get out of jail free card.
Again, without a shadow of doubt…he will work his way into your kids lives, become the most loving father figure and you will think to yourself, ‘how did I get so lucky?’ .  He will raise your children as if they are his own. You know this, because you’ve read my blog. You’ve seen the pictures, you’ve read his words to me and my children.  You know he’s going to be the most awesome person, bestest friend you could ask for…you’re family will love him!  His family will make you feel like you’re one of them.
Just let this be your warning…when he walks away, and he will…he is going to DESTROY your children. They are going to hurt like they have never hurt before. They are going to cry themselves to sleep at night. They are going to forget what it feels like to laugh. That will pass, but they will NEVER forget the feeling of never wanting to trust another human being again.  They will never want YOU to trust again.   When you feel like you’re ready to move on and find happiness, they will remind you of the pain you went through and when that doesn’t work they will break down and cry and say, “WE aren’t ready to allow anyone in our lives again!” and they will remind you through letters you find tucked away in corners of their room or in your dresser, letters to him, letters to God, letters asking WHY.  You will be reminded by them through songs they play for you and look at you waiting for a reaction. They will remind you through stories of the places you have been together with him.  You swear if you hear, “Remember that time when we all went…” one more time, you’ll wish you could just erase every single memory of him from your children’s lives just so they can have some peace.

This is the only warning you’ll get.  When it happens…and it will…the pain your children are in will be nobody’s fault, but your own.  If it were just you, I would say, “have fun…enjoy the ride…see you on the other side!” but since you have children…you should know, you’re not special and if you think this won’t happen to you and your babies, you’re more foolish than I ever thought possible.

These are the words I wish I would have been able to hear. Would I have listened? probably not…because he was the victim in a bad marriage.  I could save him from all that sadness she had caused him. I could heal the wounds of his past and we would be a team, do this together, we would be the better parents together.  With us together, our combined children would be better off.
Perhaps I drank the kool-aid, but I’m detoxing.  Now if only I could find a way for my children to do the same.

I'm a lot of things, but mostly I'm just Random and Odd.

11 Comments

  • Melissa

    well…first of all…that just hurt my heart…I’m so sorry Kristine…and I’m sorry your kids got hurt…and I’m sorry his kids got hurt…and I’m sorry he’s such a dick.

    and i can’t believe you are being so nice and giving the slut warning…i would probably sit and just talk about her and laugh at her when it happens…but you are a better woman than me. and this way, someday you will be able to say, I TOLD YOU SO.

    hugs to you and your babies.

  • Randomandodd

    Melissa,
    I wouldn’t say she’s a slut. I mean, well. Okay. Yes, there is that…but we all have a little slut in us. Not all of has the ‘whore’ gene though. I mean, okay, yeah..well, Okay. Perhaps name calling isn’t the best route for me to have taken, but Douchebag and OW seemed to ease the pain a wee-bit. And, well, yes, he is a dick.
    I don’t think what I wrote is nice. I am dashing someone’s HOPE that he is going to be different and make her happy and help raise her children and make her life better. It’s a really false hope. I have a high self esteem. She doesn’t. If anyone thought she could save him and make his life better, it was me. In fact, looking back I did. I made it MUCH better. It wasn’t enough. I had a lot more to offer and it wasn’t enough.
    She is no better than his first wife or me. I use to think I was so much better than the first. In the end, he did the same to me that he did to her. We are equal.
    Oddly, I haven’t sat back and talked about her and laughed so far. I mean, the only thing that I can say is that she was very clingy, very needy and veryyyyy insecure. It’s not something to laugh about. It’s something to feel sorry for. Anyone that lives their life like that isn’t living life with any sort of quality.
    The sad part, when it DOES happen…she’s going to feel horrible for what she put her kids through and feel sorry for all the people that come into her life after he has been a part of it. He is going to crush all the things that made her so attractive in the first place. I don’t think he does it on purpose, but he will talk the hell out of every situation she puts herself in and she will question everything she says or does after him.
    She will spend MONTHS waiting for the other shoe to fall with her children. Will this be the night they wake up with nightmares and sob while they are sleeping? Will this be the morning they lash out at her and blame her for him leaving.
    And by God, if he doesn’t leave her…because he knows he has thrown away a grand total of 5 step kids so far and knows this MIGHT be his last chance to just settle … she’s always going to wonder if that is exactly what he did…settle. And truly, that is what he will have done. He will have grown tired of all the tears and pain he has caused. Maybe. If that’s enough for her, I wish her and her children the best. I’m glad I wasn’t the one he ‘settled’ for. I’m glad he left. I can’t wait for my kids to think the same thing.

  • RzDrms

    Hey Sweetheart. You know who I am. Here’s my comment:

    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Way up high,
    There’s a land that I heard of
    Once in a lullaby.
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Skies are blue,
    And the dreams that you dare to dream
    Really do come true.

    Someday I’ll wish upon a star
    And wake up where the clouds are far
    Behind me.
    Where troubles melt like lemon drops
    Away above the chimney tops
    That’s where you’ll find me.

    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Bluebirds fly.
    Birds fly over the rainbow.
    Why then, oh why can’t I?

    If happy little bluebirds fly
    Beyond the rainbow
    Why, oh why can’t I?

  • Julie

    Re: your kids and their pain: they have you, and that goes a LONG ASS way. I grew up in a situation that includes infidelity and I can tell you that we don’t necessarily walk away with trust issues if we have one parent that shows us how to be strong in these matters. And let’s face it, you ROCK at being a mom. It’s this lesson of strength that I remember most from my own childhood, and I believe it will be the one your kids take away too.

  • Barb

    After being w/mine for 30 yrs & having him up and leave for a newer model, I only hope I live long enough for him to get the shaft and care not one iota about her. Bitter, party of one right here. And yes, she has little kids, and I feel bad for them, but that just shows that she is an inconsiderate *ahem* (and him too,for that matter) by not putting the kids first before having an affair with a married man while she herself was married. You are definitely a better person than me to give a warning. As far as I’m concerned, what goes around comes around. They destroyed my family and my kids, they deserve nothing less.

  • Heather

    If she reads your blog and knows how things have been , then screw it she deserves whatever is coming to her, yes it sucks for her kids like it has for you and your girls But look at what you have now and how you have you have changed for the better and all the things you are doing now..

  • Lulu

    Karma. What this woman did will absolutely come back to her at some point. And him? The way he has destroyed multiple homes; well, he will be damn lucky if he doesn’t die a very lonely, bitter old man. Their actions will come back to them. And it will happen when they least expect it.

    Keep your chin up, and keep focusing on you and your girls. Your ultimate reward will be the happiness that you (and they) deserve. You will find it; I’m sure of it.

  • Kami

    It really is too bad she doesn’t realize what she’s getting into, but you warned her. It’s her fault if she doesn’t listen. Men can be so charming, no? Especially when they’re sweet to our kids.

    All your kids need is you. You’re better than anyone. You know it, and so do they. :)

    XOXOXO

  • Kristine

    LuLu — I would never wish for him to die a lonely or bitter man. I hope he does find all the happiness that life has to offer him. I mean that with all sincerity. He has two of the most amazing children that I was lucky enough to call my children for 8 years of my life. I watched them grow into amazingly awesome ‘adults’. I don’t regret a moment of my marriage to him because I was a great parent to them and they brought something amazing to my life.
    I miss them both very much. So do my kids. They miss their ‘brother and sister’.
    For their sake, I hope he does find that happiness that he didn’t have with me, or his first wife. She found it…and I will too.