Yeah, it is all about me.

Author: randomandodd  |  Category: Random

This marks the first week of 2009.  It already is better than 2008.

Things that are different about 2009 is that I am completely off all antibiotics. It’s been about three weeks since I have  taken anything.
I’m also down to about one xanax a week as well. The only hard part about that is the anxiety is now back in rare form. I dealt with it medication free for many years, and honestly I am sick of people using the excuse that I am ‘medicated’. The next person that says it to me gets 78 empty bottles of antibiotics shoved down their throat…with a smile.  I don’t take antidepressants, because I am not depressed. I am frustrated, angered, sometimes hopeless, numb on occasions…but not depressed.
The medicine I take now are probiotics, women’s 1 a day vitamin and a cranberry pill.

The bladder/kidney thing seems to be at bay for the moment (yes, knocked on wood) and the ringing in my ears went away for a whole day, but it is back. It’s annoying, but I am getting use to it.  The urge to throw my body off a ledge has subsided.   My back is getting better as well. It just depends on what I do for the day. If I move around a lot it’s okay, If I decide to throw myself on a trampoline for an hour…it tends to get worse. Weird how age does sort of kick in.

I’ve been trying SO hard to embrace 2009 with open arms.  It actually feels good to just be 100% honest with myself. When I say myself, it’s the conversations I have in my head.
You know what I mean? when someone is talking to you or you’re in a situation and you start saying things like, “What the hell is this person talking about? what an idiot. Why am I here?  This is bugging me. I’m going to walk out of the room now.” but you don’t. You just stand there. smiling. nodding your head like a dumb bobble head doll.
Myself and I have been talking more. When she starts saying stuff like, “Remember the Big picture, Kristine…would it kill you to just laugh at this person? Would anyone REALLY care in 5 years?” and I laugh in my head and say, “Yeah. You’re right. Who gives a shit!”  She’s a pretty smart girl. She gave me a zippo lighter for New Years and she taught me how to burn a bridge. If you all met her, you would be like, “Ohhhh, she’s sort of bitchy.” but once you get to know her, you realize she’s not so bad, she’s just looking out for me.  Oh, and did I mention how much fun she is?  I think I have.
She is really good at setting boundaries too! I admire that in her. She keeps reminding me, “Keep going. just keep going.” and I do.

With that said, I have a job interview. One of those crazy full time, all the time, jobs.  I only work during the school year.
So fingers crossed that I get it.  It would be SO nice not to lose my house this early in 2009!

I’m also writing this horoscope/picture a day thing. It’s kind of cool. So far, the horoscopes aren’t really applying to me and If I can remember to do it everyday for a year, I would like to see if there is anything to it. I write it in at night to make sure that nothing happens that changes the outcome.  Today is spose to be a really bad day. I might lose my cool. So far, not once…but I have therapy later.

How’s everyone else doing? Keeping all the promises you made to yourself?

14 Responses to “Yeah, it is all about me.”

  1. Ferngoddess Says:

    I spent a very large part of 2008 feeling inadequacte.I promised that I would see myself for the wonderful person I am. I am doing ok so far. I also promised myself I would look for the light at the end of the debt tunnel and I see it. I have also said I am going to spend more time with friends and hey I am well on the road to that. So far 2009 is wonderful.

    Oh yea and your brown hair looks FAB-U-LOUS on a non screwed up computer screen.

  2. Connie Says:

    I have someone else in my head too. She is always playing that stupid Womanizer song over and over and over. I wish I never heard that song. She also makes me eat ice cream. I need to find the voice in my head to make me want diet food. Love your picture collage.

  3. Mit Says:

    I like it all – your friend in your head, embracing the new year – the upcoming interview and the hair color. I think your horoscope should read, 2009 the year of Kristine!

  4. Ms.Lolly Says:

    I absolutely know what you mean about the conversations we have in our heads. I’m doing the same thing this year-honesty and lots of it. I took a picture this year on December 31 and stuck it in my 2009 moleskine. It’s pretty rare for me not to Photoshop my own pictures but I wanted a completely unbiased record because I just know that this time next year my life is going to be different. But this time in a good way. It’s all so exciting.

    Good luck on the job interview!

  5. dashababy Says:

    I cant even tell you how happy I am to hear you’re better..Finally. It wouldnt hurt to have your hormone levels checked while you’re at it. They’ve checked everything else.
    Call me. Love ya! xoxox

  6. justme Says:

    Well so far I have been able to keep all promises,because I didn’t make any this year! Not a one. Most of the time I am much better off not listening to the voices in my head, or people would get hurt LOL.
    The one thing I would like to try and not do this year is have someone slice and dice me open, or put any foreign parts in me. That in and of it’s self would make it a pretty good year in my book!
    Keeping my fingers crossed for your interview!! Good luck!

  7. Kelly Says:

    I like the “other” Kristine and would like to “see” more of her (‘sides you got a Zippo out of it) ;)
    I know you care but I really like your hair brown– it looks great and the color is very flattering to your skin tone (see I knew you’d care). :D
    Embrace it (the new year) with open arms and don’t look back and wonder what if (sure there are going to be things that suck but there will be opportunities that didn’t exist before, hope, love and joy to be had as well if you’re open to it).
    Glad that you’re feeling better too (knocking on wood here for you as well) and good luck with the job thing!

  8. superchick Says:

    I had to stop promising myself stuff….since I kept letting myself down. ;) The day by day thing seems to be working…

  9. Kimberly Says:

    I am excited for you about the interview! And my first impulse on the brown hair was that I liked it, and now I am even more sure. Love it!

    I am sort of keeping my promises to myself. I need to write them down.

  10. JoeInVegas Says:

    Well, at least you have one friend that is always there to talk to.
    I haven’t set up anything new to do, just continue on trying to be better with what there is.

    Good luck with the job.

  11. ~Easy Says:

    Hmph. I took it upon myself to declare another meme as today’s SPF.

    International Internet Reveal Your Horrid Teenage Years Picture Day

    You can spank…uhm…I mean…THANK me later

  12. ~Easy Says:

    Oops. Here’s the link-

    http://brokedownpalace.blog-city.com

    *blush*

  13. momthefonz Says:

    Thats My Girl, Keep it going ur in the mode….
    Love you so much and miss you…x0x0x0x0x0

  14. shelli Says:

    i think u are alot like me…especially that u loo fabulous in red. and in that same pic…i love love ur hair color!! *smooches*