At What Point?

My mother is doing good.  She didn’t have a stroke, but they were worried that she had.  They ran some tests and sent her home after she checked out fine.
It didn’t stop me from driving up there so I could run my fingers through her hair and cuddle with her.

Today we talked on the phone and she said, “I need to get better so we can do more stuff.”  I agreed. WE need to get better so we can get back to doing our ‘Mother, Daughter & Daughter’ things we use to do.

Awhile back I had a conversation with my mom about ‘owning’ what belongs to us.  The choices that we make our ours and it doesn’t belong to anyone but us.  Be they good choices, we can say, “Hey, that was something I did. I own that.” or be it bad, we have to own up to and say, “Yeah, that was stupid. I own that. I am not going to blame that on anyone, but  me.”

It seems like I am always in this circle of ‘chasing my tail’.  I get one thing settled and then another one comes up and bites my ass.  The chasing of my tail starts again.

Today I sat back and divided out what belongs to me and what belongs to other people.  It’s astounding how much of my problems can be fixed with just a change of thought processes.  A simple, “That is mine. I own it.”

Shaun and I haven’t really been together THAT long. It’s taken a long time to realize that in order to make our lives what we want it to be, we need to be on the same page about everything.  When you’re involved with someone, you have to really sit back and say, “Alrighty, that is HIS…he owns that.” and sometimes where we have to say, “That’s OURS, and we need to fix it.”

Last year we decided that we are not only on the same page about certain things, but we were going to write the book on how things need to be in our lives.  I’ve screwed up 400 times in the process. He has screwed up at least 800 times in the process. At times we try to stab each other with the pens we are writing the book with.  Ultimately, we decided as husband and wife what we were going to do with the situations we had in front of us.   A united front.  Some people would love the idea, some people would hate it. It didn’t matter what anyone thought of it; not my family, nor his.  If you loved the idea, GREAT. If you didn’t like the idea, that was fine too…but respect that is a choice we made together.

When I talked to my mother about ‘owning’ the choices we had made in the past and make in the future, she was on board.  Since that conversation, she hasn’t brought up the bad things that happened to us.  I even have taken steps to repair a relationship that was strained with my father.
I don’t agree with some of the things that happened between my mom and dad.  It doesn’t mean that I can’t love them both.

They each have their mistakes. They each own those mistakes. They are not mine.  I am lucky enough to be the daughter of those two wonderful people.  They are smart enough to know that I am an adult and the problems that they have had with each other doesn’t belong to me.  The joy of being able to spend time with each of my parents and not have to hear the Bullshit about the other one;  it makes me realize…the choice I made is the right one.
My father knows if he at any time asked me to choose him over my mother, he would be minus a daughter.
My mother knows if she asked me to pick her over my father, she too would be minus a daughter.

Because of this, I know I have the love of both of my parents.

Thank you guys for respecting the choices that I have made.