• Random and Odd

    The last time I will remember what today is.

    16697579955_8d30ae4d30_z

     

     

    Oh Timehop, you bittersweet bitch.
    It feels like way more than 4 years ago now. It feels like a lifetime ago.

    When you break up with someone you always hear the, “Oh you seem happier now.”  from friends.
    Yeah. I am happier than I was at the end of the relationship when things had been going shitty for a solid year.  They didn’t remember the 3 years before that when things were pretty damn good.  To be honest, it got so bad I guess I didn’t remember it either…until Timehop reminded me of a tweet I wrote 4 years ago yesterday.

    It actually took my breath away and made me upset and angry at the same time.  It still does.

    So this is the answer to the statement, if you’re listening:  You don’t remember what happened?   I do. It wasn’t the final moments of the relationship that ended it. It was the year leading up to it.  It was when hockey and your friends became more important than everything else in your life…even more than being right. God knows you like being right and you’re not always right. In fact you were wrong so many times.   I get that you never really had friends before that weren’t connected to your wives and finally having friends felt really good.  You drank your way into being able to enjoy their company and you just kept on drinking until you passed out.
    You stopped giving a shit what made anyone else happy.  You use to care.  You use to actually ASK what made me happy.  You sucked at just being able to figure it out on your own, but once you did…you were flawless.  You wanted to make me happy because you loved being with me when I was happy.  You use to bend over backwards and I never took that for granted.
    Every morning. Every god damn morning you did this.  And then you stopped.  So when you ask yourself (and me) where it all went wrong it’s all right here.   It went wrong when you stopped giving a fuck about anyone else but yourself, when your happiness above all else was most important is when it went to shit.  You said, “I didn’t think I deserved your love.”  You were right, you didn’t.  There was a time you did feel like you did and you glowed in that love and you gave it back 100 fold.  We were unstoppable for awhile.  Then it went team US to your new team and no matter how much effort I put into trying to fit into the box you put me in…you weren’t happy with it. I couldn’t do anything right for Team Us.    You traded me in for a jersey and case of Sierra Nevada.

    There’s this song on Taylor Swift’s album 1989 and the first line of the first song is, “People like you always want back the love they gave away…”   Of course, like all music people take it and make it a part of their life experiences.  That line pretty much embodies that 4 years.   He gave his love with reckless abandon for so long and then he spent the rest of the time taking it all back so when he did leave, there was nothing left.

    “So take your records, take your freedom
    Take your memories, I don’t need’em
    And take your cap and leave my sweater
    ‘Cause we have nothing left to weather
    In fact I’ll feel a whole lot better
    But you’ll think of me” -Keith Urban ‘You’ll Think Of Me’.

    Today is one year that I walked in on him in someone else’s arms. I think I can put down my baggage for a minute and be sad.