Alyx passed! She is a black belt now! I was surprised how hard it was for her. She was so nervous. It was a turning point in her life and you could see it. Proud doesn’t cover how I feel.
Turning points seem to be a common thread in our lives. I can see a turning point in all our lives.
Dan is getting healthy. Kara is getting ready to start her new life after school. Shea is changing and becoming quite a young lady. Me, I guess you can say I am finally seeing a change not only in my appearance, but in the way I feel about what is left of my life.
There are moments when I say, “Tomorrow isn’t promised and we should be living each day, not just getting through it.” knowing that this life of ours is so short in the big scheme of things. Then I saw something today at the giant flea market, a violin. For a moment I thought, “I can’t wait until I am older and I will take lessons.” I could see myself in my sixties, sitting in front of a teacher learning how to play that complicated beast.
It’s those moments that stop me in my tracks and make me look at the life I am living right now.
I’ve changed. In the last few months, something shifted in my head. All the things that were enough for me, just aren’t anymore.
Remember that movie when the lead says, “Love means not having to say you’re sorry.” That’s not true. Sometimes people need to hear that. They need to hear certain words to heal a part in their heart. Those words don’t always come and so they find a way to heal their heart without them.
“Love conquers all.” That’s not true. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Because sometimes you can love someone with all your heart and be nearly certain that there is no you without them…and then you have a moment when you see there is no future because neither will ever bend. Staying would be settling.
It’s taken time…but I see that. I understand now and I don’t need to hear that sorry.
I wanted more, but I know that this is enough for me. For now.