I wish for something, you comment back granting me that wish and then fuck it up and then ask for your own wish.
randomandodd: I wish I could get it together.
you: GRANTED! but once you get it all together you realize it’s in boxes and on a U-haul to nowhere. I wish I had a million dollars.
someoneelse: GRANTED! but you have to give that million to your ex-wife. i wish…
and so starts the cycle.
SO let’s start with me.
I wish my body didn’t look like I was pregnant with the Michelin Tire baby.
I started taking Chantix yesterday. I read the pamphlet that came with the quit-smoking-pills and knew that I would probably have to deal with the side effects as they came.
After the first pill kicked in, I got overwhelmingly tired. One of the side effects mentioned I would be tired, but since I had been on Xanax (the king of tired pills) I figured it couldn’t be worse than that. Wrong. I had to drive home and when I got there I passed out on my bed using the uncomfortable pillow so I wouldn’t sleep too long. The pillow is one of those cutsie ones you don’t really use because it has crisscross patterns and it just for decoration. I woke up an hour later with waffle like marks indented in my face.
The pamphlet also mentions ‘mood swings’, ‘mood changes’, ‘depression’ & ‘suicidal tendencies’. As a woman, mood swings and changes come and go off and on all month long. Depression runs in the family and I had dealt with depression and suicidal tendencies after I had Shea. This would all be worth it if I could quit smoking.
The rest of the day, I didn’t feel much different except that I felt sort of ‘blah’.
By the end of the day I just wanted Shaun to hold me and make me feel something other than blank.
Today is day two. I took the pill early on in the day so I don’t pass out before I have to pick up the kids. I decided to read some of the websites on the product I’m taking. It looks like this is going to be an interesting ride for me. Hopefully I can exchange the tired feeling for the hallucinations.
Until then, don’t mind me…I’m just going to cuddle up with the waffle pillow and hope that I can get excited about something.