This marks the first week of 2009. It already is better than 2008.
Things that are different about 2009 is that I am completely off all antibiotics. It’s been about three weeks since I have taken anything.
I’m also down to about one xanax a week as well. The only hard part about that is the anxiety is now back in rare form. I dealt with it medication free for many years, and honestly I am sick of people using the excuse that I am ‘medicated’. The next person that says it to me gets 78 empty bottles of antibiotics shoved down their throat…with a smile. I don’t take antidepressants, because I am not depressed. I am frustrated, angered, sometimes hopeless, numb on occasions…but not depressed.
The medicine I take now are probiotics, women’s 1 a day vitamin and a cranberry pill.
The bladder/kidney thing seems to be at bay for the moment (yes, knocked on wood) and the ringing in my ears went away for a whole day, but it is back. It’s annoying, but I am getting use to it. The urge to throw my body off a ledge has subsided. My back is getting better as well. It just depends on what I do for the day. If I move around a lot it’s okay, If I decide to throw myself on a trampoline for an hour…it tends to get worse. Weird how age does sort of kick in.
I’ve been trying SO hard to embrace 2009 with open arms. It actually feels good to just be 100% honest with myself. When I say myself, it’s the conversations I have in my head.
You know what I mean? when someone is talking to you or you’re in a situation and you start saying things like, “What the hell is this person talking about? what an idiot. Why am I here? This is bugging me. I’m going to walk out of the room now.” but you don’t. You just stand there. smiling. nodding your head like a dumb bobble head doll.
Myself and I have been talking more. When she starts saying stuff like, “Remember the Big picture, Kristine…would it kill you to just laugh at this person? Would anyone REALLY care in 5 years?” and I laugh in my head and say, “Yeah. You’re right. Who gives a shit!” She’s a pretty smart girl. She gave me a zippo lighter for New Years and she taught me how to burn a bridge. If you all met her, you would be like, “Ohhhh, she’s sort of bitchy.” but once you get to know her, you realize she’s not so bad, she’s just looking out for me. Oh, and did I mention how much fun she is? I think I have.
She is really good at setting boundaries too! I admire that in her. She keeps reminding me, “Keep going. just keep going.” and I do.
With that said, I have a job interview. One of those crazy full time, all the time, jobs. I only work during the school year.
So fingers crossed that I get it. It would be SO nice not to lose my house this early in 2009!
I’m also writing this horoscope/picture a day thing. It’s kind of cool. So far, the horoscopes aren’t really applying to me and If I can remember to do it everyday for a year, I would like to see if there is anything to it. I write it in at night to make sure that nothing happens that changes the outcome. Today is spose to be a really bad day. I might lose my cool. So far, not once…but I have therapy later.
How’s everyone else doing? Keeping all the promises you made to yourself?