• Random and Odd

    Behind Closed Doors…

    I keep saying, “I have so much going on and when it calms down I can write about it.”  I haven’t though and when I finally get through something I want to forget it even happened because the pain of it is too much to put to words.

    Usually I can find something positive that came from it and circle around that.  Right now I am living in a personal hell and I KNOW something positive will come from it, but it’s not something I can talk about it because even though it directly effects me, it’s not my issue to talk about.

    As I type this I am sitting in a coffee house across the table from my ex-husband who is on his laptop.  I am writing about my life and he is…I don’t know, creating some sort of program that will make life easier for all computer users…who cares what he’s doing.  The point is, we are sitting here across from each other.  There was a time that the sound of his voice made me want to throw large objects at things that would break.

    I have to believe that no matter what happens in my life, I will be alright.  If I can survive my marriage to bafoon sitting across from me, giving birth to three children, divorcing the bafoon, going back to school to get my GED and then going to college to get my degree and then DATING…I can survive anything. I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  I have come to believe anyone that can survive the emotional turmoil of a divorce can survive ANYTHING after that.  Shit, anyone that can survive the emotional turmoil of dating after a divorce can survive anything.  Can I hear an Amen?

    So, once again, you get to hear…*insert my brother’s dorky voice* “I’m going through some stuff right now…”

    You will be hearing how I am awkwardly struggling through these things, without any great detail. It will be much like a reading about a wreck someone you love was in, but you don’t know what kind of wreck, if it was a fender bender or the car getting hit by a train.  I’m not really sure right now how bad the damage is either. I am still trying to get myself out of the seat belt, but I’m trying to do it with no feeling in my hands.