• Random and Odd



    Grab your tea, coffee, or bottle of Jim Beam…it’s time to dish.

    Things you might not know about me:

    I love Kid Rock. I love Eminem. I know, I know…I’m breaking mom rules here. I know, BAD WORDS…bad…BAD…bad…but I can’t help it. It’s the raw ‘in your face-this is how I feel about life and if you don’t like it, suck it-type’ music.

    Michael Jackson’s Thriller video…I can’t get enough of it. I loves me some zombies dancing.

    I can’t keep my room clean. Watching more than one person walk through my room is like watching the championship double dutch league skip their way to a trophy.

    Being the moron I am, I am trying to quit smoking AND go on a diet at the same time. If I don’t post for a few days, you might want to contact local authorities because I might be in a pool of blood in the closet.

    I have MySpace. I have it to keep an eye on my kids and the crap that they might be saying. So far, having it has saved me from having to kill them with my bare hands. I catch the stuff they try to pull before they do it.
    I can also see what type of friends they have. THAT was a little bit eye opening.
    12 year old girls writing like they had just finished reading Pissy Britches Blog.
    I finally had to put my foot down and call some parents. When I go check out their ‘space’ and there is a picture of a 13 year old girl in her chonies, ass up and smiling at the camera…it’s time for me to get a bit pissed off. Needless to say, I nipped it in the bud. The 13 year old HATES me and my daughter might get their asses kicked at school, but at least that picture isn’t gracing the internet anymore.

    While on MySpace checking to see if anyone was planning to kill me, I opened someone’s space and they had this video. I turned it up and started watching it. I’m not a big fan of videos on websites because they scare the hell out of me when I don’t expect it. Shea comes walking up and starts singing the song on the video. I start laughing because the thought of my daughter knowing the words to this song cracks me up. “What Mom? I thought you liked Jack Black. I guess officially it’s not Jack Black, it’s his band Tenacious D.” and then she proceeded to sing “Tribute”.
    I have the coolest daughter. EVER.

    Shaun and I picked a date for the wedding…but we might need to change it because if I can remember correctly, “that is the hottest day in the whole year and I might melt.”

    This Friday for SPF we are going to be using some of Bill’s ideas:
    Games People Play.
    1. A game YOU play/ed
    2. Your family game. (if you have a story about a game you use to play as a kid…that would be cool too!!)
    3. Your Games.
    Now, for some of you that don’t have board or video games…this is going to be really interesting to see what type of ‘games’ you play…and how the heck are you going to get a picture of it!! Number one is the one I am going to have fun with.

    Last, but of course not least…please send all applications for ‘Who wants to date My Mom, The Fonz’ to randomandodd at gmail dot com.

  • The Fonz

    But is it fast enough so we can fly away

    I use to drive a former California Highway Patrol car. No, I wasn’t a cop and it didn’t come with the cool lights. I wish!

    I bought it after they had used it, painted it red and auctioned it off. The CHP did a lot of modifications to the car. The handling in that car was SWEET. I could go from 0 to “Oh shit, too fast!” in about 5 seconds. It took me about 3 months to finally be able to drive it without coming home with head and neck injuries. It took about a year for me to stop giggling every time I drove it.

    I let the Fonz drive my car. I don’t remember exactly WHY I let her drive my car. I guess it was because she was the one who taught me the second half of driving a stick shift (Kathy taught me how to speed shift) and I felt obligated to let her take the new car for a spin.

    This was the one of those moments where you realize that you are finally better at something than your parents. My mom couldn’t drive my car.

    “The clutch is too stiff! Why is it making that sound?” She looked at me like I gave her the keys to a school bus.

    “Mom! it’’s a sport car, that’s why the clutch is so stiff. That sound it’s making is you grinding the gears.”
    She just looked at me and rolled her eyes.
    My mother, the Fonz, GRIND GEARS? I THINK NOT.

    She drove it from my aunts house to her house. By the time she pulled in the drive way I was a wreck.. The sound of the engine shutting off was the greatest thing I had ever heard.

    “What?” She looked at me finally able to relax in my seat. “You look stressed out? What’s the matter?”
    I didn’t want to tell her that she shifted into fourth gear doing 30 miles an hour and after about 5 miles had FINALLY just gotten up to the speed to actually shift into fourth gear. Just leave it alone. This is the woman that gave birth to you. This is the woman who is the grandmother to your children. This is the woman that carries a .357 in her purse and has used the term, “I brought you into this world. I can take you out!”

    When I was little I use to ask my mother, “Why do we have to drive Grandma around? Doesn’t she know how to drive?”

    I think I just figured it out.