• Shaun

    For Dooce

    For Dooce

    I asked Shaun what he wanted to do on the one child free weekend we had this month.
    He did the typical guy, “I don’t know.”
    I suggested we get up early Saturday morning and drive into San Francisco and spend the day kicking it around the city like other cool people do.
    Well the thought of driving all the way to SF, dealing with parking and knowing I would drag his ass into every novelty store to show him stupid things like key chains, postcards and whoopie cushions went over about as well as a fart in church.
    He did the eye thing he does. It’s sort of ‘are you fucking crazy!’ and ‘sweetie, are you fucking crazy?’. It’s a statement and ‘feeling out the situation’ – question. I can read all this just by his eyebrow crawling into his hairline. I should write a book on guys and eyebrow lifting. Many things can be learned about men by watching how far the eyebrow goes up.

    So as punishment for denying my ‘cool’ weekend I made him go to the casino with his parents.

    His parents are cool. Not openly cool though. My mom is cool, and you know it. She’s like the Fonz kinda cool and they are more the Cuttingham’s type of cool.
    Shaun has an allotted time he sets aside for ‘parent visiting’. We had dinner with them on Friday night that means he’s in the clear for about 2 or 3 weeks. He also doesn’t gamble. You see how my punishment is coming into play?

    They picked us up and we headed out to OROVILLE, CA. To those of you that aren’t familiar with Oroville…it’s where most of the jokes that Jeff Foxworthy on his “You might be a redneck if…” comedy tour come from.
    No joke. Look back at the top of the page. See that picture? CHOCOLATE COVERED PRUNES! That is a sign you not only see ONCE on the way to this particular casino, but you see every THREE miles until you get to the BARN the store is in.

    The casino wasn’t that bad.
    I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so much attention though.
    “Would you like to sit here, Ma’am?”
    “Howdy, Ma’am.”
    “How are you Ma’am?”
    “You wanna giggle my handle Ma’am?”
    “I got some deer meat fer ya Ma’am.”
    I was the belle of the ball! I found out later I was hated by every woman there because I was the only woman there WITH ALL OF HER TEETH!

    So yeah, I’m going back. I gotta pick up some of those chocolate covered prunes for Dooce and I promised Billy Joe-John I would go huntin’ with him.

    Anyone want some deer meat?