To add to my other problems, I have found that I don’t really like leaving my house between certain hours and cirtain circumstances.
I will leave the house between the hours of 6:00-8:30 am. After 8:30 am I have become freak woman about wanting to leave. I also don’t mind driving after 6:00 pm, IF I have already left the house once that day.
Isn’t that stupidest case of agoraphobia that you ever heard?
—Okay, i’m going to come clean here. I had to look up the spelling of agoraphobia and in the process of looking it up I started reading about it. I know people actually have this disorder, but I thought it was like that movie I saw once where the woman COULD NOT leave her house NO MATTER WHAT. Guess what? It doesn’t have to be that bad! Everyone who knows me, knows I take medication for panic attacks. I get them off and on and when they hit, they hit hard. It happens in Target, big supermarkets, busy places or places I feel trapped. I have learned ways to avoid those situations…DON’T GO THERE. If I do go there, I go during hours that it is less busy or if I am with someone. NEVER GO ALONE.
I never thought I might actually have some sort of agoraphobia…I joked that I did because there has been times where the thought of leaving the house scares the living shit out of me…but I thought it had to do with my laziness and nothing to do with my panic disorder. I could relate the two, but not actually put a ‘name’ to the disorder.
Well, I guess this whole thing makes sense now, and now that I know, I can try to find a way to get through it. I don’t like to leave because I have panic attacks in those hours…which is true. If I leave early enough the big-bad-ass panic attacks haven’t kicked in yet (they creep in around 9 or 10 am) and later in the day I have taken my medication and they are not so bad.
Well, thanks to the internet I have solved my not wanting to leave the house mystery.
I was actually going to write about having to leave the house today and it was like pulling out teeth. The ex came over and wanted to give me my car back (he borrowed it for a couple of weeks) and in this case he was going to have to drive me over to his apartment to get the car so I could drive it home. Not only do I not want to leave the house…I don’t want to drive. I haven’t driven in almost 2 weeks! I LOVE DRIVING, it’s my favoritest thing to do in the whole world. well, not really, but I love driving.
Anyway, I made it home, but before I could leave I had to panic about everything. The car had a strange sound, the seat and steering wheel were set all funny, the car had this HORRIBLE SMELL. It smelled like wet cat and stale farts. Not to be mixed up with the smell that dry cats and fresh farts make.
I think I am going to look up ‘super sonic hearing’. I swear, since Christmas I have noticed that I can hear EVERYTHING. I can hear what you’re thinking RIGHT NOW, and that’s not very nice of you!
No really, I have super hearing lately. I wonder what panic disorder THAT is.