• damn dogs!

    Bwhahahahahha!!

    I can’t believe I caught this picture! The big dog (Halo, dog from hell) always pisses off the poodle (Mooshu, lap dog of satan) when she goes out to pee.

    EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    Mooshu has never put up with the big, dumb dog and she chases her whenever she gets too close.

    I was laughing so hard when I saw her do it today because it actually looks like Halo’s ass is trying to move faster than her body!!

    Today. Rocked.

  • damn dogs!

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    Halo and Shaun

    I GET IT! I get the joy of teaching a dog a new trick!

    When we got rid of the papasaun chair I kept the padding part. Last week I grabbed it out of the garage and layed it on the kitchen floor for Halo. She loved it.

    Shaun came home and of course joked about it. “Nice Ritz cracker you got there Halo”

    I taught Halo not to go in my room or the living room, the only two rooms with carpet. She does pretty good. She’s like a 12 year old little girl and does it behind my back when she thinks I’m not paying attention though. For the most part, she’s doing better than I expected.

    Yesterday Shaun gave Halo a treat and out of habit she ran to her ‘Cracker’. I had pulled her cracker down the hallway in front of my bedroom so I could sit in my room and know she would be sitting there waiting for me to come out. She didn’t like the cracker down there, so after Shaun gave her the treat she tried pulling the cracker back into the kitchen.

    Today I was filling out this interview thingy and Halo kept nudging my arm and then licking my feet. Nothing grosses me out worse than dog tounge….no, I take that back, I hate sour cream…that stuff gives me the heebie jeebies.
    I took a second and I talked to the dog. I’m not a dog talker to-er, but she needed some dog conversation since Mooshu is a bitch and is too snooty to talk to her.

    “What’s up dog?”
    *cold nose to the foot*
    “Ewwww, HALLLLOOO. Stop it. I hate it when you do that.”
    *nudging of my hands with her wet nose*
    “HALO…ew. Just talk to me, tell me what you want.”
    “Well, Kristine I would really like for you to teach me how to catch a ball out of the air.”
    I wasn’t too shocked that my dog could talk. I mean, she does stash lollipops. My dog is a friggin’ genius.

    I sat there and explained to her the art of catching the ball while it’s still in the air.

    TWO ATTEMPTS. That’s all it took. Two.

    Now If I can teach her that jumping up on the damn counter is off limits, I would be a happy dog owner!

  • damn dogs!,  Random and Odd

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    Our Family Meeting....

    We have family meetings. With 5 brats kids and two adults living in this house, we need to get together and beat the children have long, important talks about how things get ran around the house.

    I’m making it sound much better than it really happens. Here’s how it really happens:

    The first step is Shaun coming home to me curled in a fetal position on the side of the bed.
    “Hard day honey?” He leans down and rubs my head.
    After the shaking and sobbing stops, “yes. i hate children.”
    He smiles at me, “I know you do honey. Wanna talk about it?”
    I then slam my head into the side of the bed a few times until my noggin is resting on the carpet.
    “The kids…they yell at each other all the time” Then I go into my Marina/Kara/Shea/Alyx impression of them. “and…Tyler, he doesn’t listen…he WON’T WALK THE DOG UNLESS I DEMAND HIM TO! and oh…god…the…class party is tomorrow…”
    “I’ll help. Kristine, why are you on the floor?”
    “DAMN DOG PEED ON THE FLOOR AGAIN!”

    Then after I finally calm down and the insane eye blinking and twitching stops, we go talk to the kids.

    Shaun, he’s so rational and calm. He gives examples, stories and adds little jokes. I think if he knew how to give a Power Point presentation on ‘family harmony’ during our meetings, he would.
    I on the other hand sit on the couch next to him and yell things like, “Yeah! what he just said!”
    and “If you do THAT again, I will ground you!”

    After the meeting the kids all go about their way, happy, laughing and joyful. I personally think we should end each meeting with a shot of capscum to the eyes or at least a little bit of electrocution to drive our point home….”NO MORE YELLING! NO MORE FIGHTING! GET THE FUCK ALONG OR MOMMY IS GOING TO SNAP!” but we don’t. We just let them get along for 5 minutes until it starts up again.

    Last week we had to have a meeting because everyone is being really rude to each other and Shaun is tired, really tired of the kids yelling from one end of the house to another.
    “KAAAARRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!” Marina yells from the bedroom.
    Kara ignores her, because Kara is a bitch like that.
    “KAAARRRRRAAAAAA!!!!!” She yells again.
    Kara ignores her again.
    “KARA!” I yell from the other bedroom, “ANSWER HER!”
    “WHAT DO YOU WANT MARINA!?!”

    As you can see, it gets annoying and Shaun said, “No more yelling…I can’t stand the yelling in this house. If you want to say something, say it…there is no reason to yell it…”

    and it was at THAT MOMENT that I heard the sound of SANTA CLAUS ON THE FIRE TRUCK….IN. OUR. COURT!

    I was 5 again. “SANTA IS HERE! SANTA IS HERE!!!!” I screamed it and Shaun said I pushed Shea out of the way as I ran for the front door. “SANTA!! HE’S HERE!!”

    Do you know how hard it is to try to look stern while we were finishing our family talk with a candy cane sticking out of my mouth, knowing I had broke every new family rule we had just made?

  • damn dogs!,  Random and Odd

    “ooooooh, look at the lights!!”

    I moved to Rocklin almost ten years ago. Has it been that long? Yeah, I guess it has.

    When I first moved here I was told I had to go to the ‘Disney Houses’ behind The Bel-Air.
    This whole street over decorated their houses with lights, fog machines and each house had different Disney characters. Some people transformed their garage into a full on Santa Claus Workshops.
    It was breathtaking!

    Over the years, more houses have joined the ranks and the one street has turned into many. The “Disney Houses” are now known as the “Street of Lights”.
    It’s no longer a ‘Rocklin’ thing and a whole Sacramento thing.

    I uploaded a bunch of the pictures to my Flickr site if you want to walk through it virtually.

  • damn dogs!

    The dog is channeling Telly Savalas

    The dog brings me only a little bit of happiness. Dressing the dog up with weird headbands, watching her slide across the kitchen floor and hitting the island and watching her perk her ears when Shaun makes high pitched sounds is the ONLY joy the dog brings me.

    She chews on EVERYTHING. If you’re walking, she’s trying to herd you to the direction she wants you to go in. She has scratched the hell out of the back door and sliding glass screen. She goes into rooms she’s not allowed in and she bolts out the front door and takes off.
    This dog is the biggest pain the arse.

    I decided that today I was going to leave her alone in the kitchen for 15 minutes to see if she can stay out of trouble. When I walked in to check on her I was surprised to see she was being an angel. Laying on the floor with her head resting on her front paws…and a sucker stick poking out of the front of her mouth.

    Instead of yelling at her like I have done a million times when I find her with a sucker in her mouth, I grabbed the camera. She followed me into the bedroom and sat on the floor and ate her sucker while I took pictures. I know I am sending her the wrong signals by allowing her to eat the sucker when in the past I tell her no and taken it away.
    I don’t care anymore though. This dog has a stash of Dum-Dum suckers hidden SOMEWHERE in this house. I haven’t been able to figure out where she hides them. That’s pretty damn impressive for a dog.

    If my daughter is reading this, let it be known that if you decide to hide drugs, smokes, or a boy somewhere in this house and just because I don’t find it doesn’t mean I will allow you to do them!
    In fact…if I walk into the kitchen and see you chewing* on any of them, I will take a picture of you and post it on the internet for all the world to see.

    *the word ‘chewing’ has replaced the word ‘sucking’ because the thought of that makes me want to hurl.

  • damn dogs!

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    I am thee worst dog owner. EVER.

    Everyone is all posting pictures of their adorable pooches and I only put up a picture of the two carpet stainers up every two months.

    So this weekend you had a picture of Halo, the HOSE HANDLE eating dog. (Yes, she ate the metal handle OFF THE HOSE)

    AND

    Mooshu…the dog that likes porn.

    Wow, two dog pictures and two posts with the word porn in it. I’m feeling CRAZY!

    Next weeks hot topic: Boob Hair. Oh wait, i’ve done that one already.

  • damn dogs!

    She’s A Loyal Dog

    Tyler is playing Mega Man something or other and I can hear him giggling behind me.

    “Halo…see the red guys? They are the bad guys. Get the bad guys Halo!”

    I turn around to see the dog watching the TV for the bad guys. As soon as the bad guy comes out, Halo starts licking the TV…

    The dog LICKS the TV to get the bad guy.

    and when that didn’t work…she started to try to BITE the TV.

    LIcking doesn't kill the bad guy, she is attempting to BITE them now.

    No one told me it would be like this.

  • damn dogs!,  My Brats,  tyler

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    OK, so the boy had a nice 15th birthday for the most part. The part about Jessica Alba jumping out of a cake didn’t exactly happen, but he FINALLY got his dog. After two excruciating days of waiting, the looped up dog (she was spayed this morning) got to come home tonight. After a couple hours at the park and watching the Diamond Kings get their asses kicked (Shaun was 2 for 2, obviously playing for next year’s big free agent contract), she got to check out her new home…..and Mooshu. Moosh was not too pleased about the new pooch, but I’m thinking they’ll be best buddies soon. Tyler’s been smiling all night, he’s loving this. Couldn’t happen to a better kid, really a loving, good-hearted boy who deserves at least this much. Happy birthday Tyler, and welcome to the home, Halo.

    PS- There’s no truth to the Entertainment Tonight segment that claims adding this dog to Random and Odd was done to increasing ratings ala cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch.

  • damn dogs!

    Not Toto…

    Mooshu

    and your cute little doggie too!

    I was sitting on the couch taking pictures of Kara watching “Pimp My Ride” when I noticed Mooshu (her dog) was sitting on the edge of the couch staring at the fireplace with this look on her face.

    She sat there with THAT look for a solid 5 minutes…just staring at the fireplace. I thought for a moment, ‘yeah, that’s surely Kara’s dog. Only her animal could stare into space for long durations of time.’ Then she jumped off the couch and went and sat in front of the empty fireplace.
    “Weird Dog.” I mumbled while I shot pictures for the next couple of minutes. Then I heard something behind me.

    She was growling at the empty fireplace.

    “Mooshu!” Tyler yelled “Knock it off, you know that freaks me out!”

    Tyler then explained that Mooshu has been running over to the fireplace and barking once or twice or just growling at it as she passes it.

    We realized there is a mouse back there somewhere running around.

    It was kinda cool for awhile…thinking our dog could see ‘fireplace ghosts’.