• alyx

    Alyx 1 – Mom 0

    Having already gone through raising two 12 year old girls, I figured Alyx would be the same.  Boy crazy, school is only for socializing and ignoring my parental demands.  She isn’t like most 12 year olds.  Boys are an after thought, school is for socializing, but it’s also about getting good grades and go figure she listens to me when I tell her do something and not once has she rolled her eyes.

    She’s also about questioning absolutely everything.  She also has a very firm opinion on everything.

    The other day she noted I was not wearing underwear.
    “Oh God, that could be the grossest thing in the whole wide world.” She started to lose color in her face.
    “Alyx, i’m wearing yoga sweats, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s more comfortable.”  I point out, while realizing i’ve never done yoga in my life, but enjoy the comfort of those damn sweats more than my own car.
    “Mom, put on a pair of underwear. It’s so ghetto that you’re not wearing any!” She puts her foot down and I just smile at her and go about my cleaning.

    About an hour later I call her into my room to gather her folded laundry.  “Alyx is this your bottom sheet?”
    “Uh. Yeah. I don’t need it though because I lay on top of my bedding and use my comforter.”
    “No, you’re going to put the bottom sheet on your bed. It’s where it belongs and contrary to popular belief, we are not white trash.”
    “I don’t need it though. It’s comfortable without it.”
    “Put it on your bed!”
    “How is this ANY different than you not wearing underwear?”

    I had to hurry up and high tale it into my closet before I burst into laughter.

    “Well mom? Do I have to put this sheet no my bed?” I can hear her snickering.
    “Get out of my room, Alyx…you win this one…but don’t you dare start gloating!”

  • alyx,  marina

    Conversation going on in my room RIGHT NOW.

    Marina: When I start driving, I will drive you where ever you want! Because I am such a nice sister.
    Alyx: So when I say, “Marina, I want beef jerky, take me to the store, you’ll say yes!?”
    Marina: Yes Alyx, because I will be like, you’re my sister and I am a good sister and I know there will be a time when were not all here.

    Me: Hold on, I am blogging this.
    Alyx: I’m going to go write that down…and make her sign it.

  • alyx,  My Brats,  shea

    Pen Pal…

    Recently Alyx hooked herself up with a nifty, little pen pal and has been over the top with writing and buying stuff for her letters.

    Shea is butthurt that she doesn’t have a pen pal.

    Anyone have a little girl that wants to send letters and girlie stuff back and forth?

  • alyx,  My Favorite Posts,  shea

    I don’t want them to ever grow up!

    Still being in my ‘funky disco’ groove from the concert, I was blaring “She’s A Bad Mama Jama on the way over to drop the girls off at Dan’s for Karate. Shea and Alyx both know the song and they are grooving right along with me, singing just as loud as I am.

    I’m reminded of the laugh that my sister got when I confessed to her that I never really knew what the singer was saying in this certain part of the song.
    SIDENOTE: To fully be able to appreciate this part of the story you will have to know this song. If you’ve never heard this song, the humor will be lost on you…so just go read another blog or download the song.

    Actual Lyrics:
    Her body measurements are perfect in every dimension
    She’s got a figure that’s sho’ ‘nuff gettin’ attention
    She’s poetry in motion, a beautiful sight to see
    I get so excited viewin’ her anatomy

    My messed up lyric:
    I get so excited with you, her, Adam and me.

    So I decided because *I* had messed up the lyrics so bad for so long, I can only imagine how bad the kids are destroying them. I have them listen to that part of the song and then turned off the cd player. “What do you think he said right there, the part right after ‘beautiful sight to see’?”
    Alyx looks at me all weird and makes me giggle with what she thought.
    Shea pipes up from the back seat and it was pretty funny.
    I share what I thought the lyrics were saying and of course, it was WAY worse than what they came up with so they get a bigger laugh at my expense.

    After I turn the song back on, Shea asks, “What’s he saying RIGHT THERE?”
    I say, ” She’s a bad mama jama”
    Shea then lets out a big sigh and says, “Oh, Alyx was right.”
    Knowing this is going to be good, I turn down the stereo just loud enough for her to sing what she thought the guy was saying.

    As it came back around she sang, loudly, in key, “She’s got Batman Pajamas!”

    I know I joke about peeing myself…but this time, full bladder loss. I really wish they could stay this age forever.

  • alyx,  My Brats

    she is charmed

    Alyx had this field trip today where you have to dress in all 1800 clothes and bring your lunch in a bucket. I never realized how OCD my daughter was until yesterday, where she not only rode my last nerve, she SNAPPED it, tied it back together and did it again and again for 2 solid days.

    Many of you know, Alyx is the angel of the house. BUT it has come to my attention that she might not be as angelic as I had once believed, but that is for another post. THIS post focuses on her ability to drive someone (me) nuts with her calm, adult like tones and annoying reminders.

    “Mom. Mrs. Right needs you to email her about the trip. Mom. She also needs you to make sure you wrap everything in wax paper. Mom. I can’t wear tennis shoes, I must have boots. Mom. I can’t have a juice box because…”
    “ALYX! OKAY..you have told me ALL of this three times already. CHILL OUT.”

    Now at this point most children would either get angry or upset that mom just flipped out on them. My daugher looks me right in the face and continues to nag me in the most adult voice.

    “Mrs. Right said that each parent should provide the child with a container to put lunch in. It can’t be paper. It must be tin. She also will not allow me to have water, I have to have lemonaide just like everyone else. Oh, since this is in Auburn and the mold spore count is high, I will need to take a Benedryl before I leave. *cough* I don’t like peanut butter. Mom. Please remember I don’t like Peanut butter. Shea can’t find her underwear. I told her if she put her underwear out the night before, she would be able to find it. Mrs. Right said you have to email her. Did you email her mom?”

    I haven’t quite figured Alyx out yet. She’s like an adult caught in a 9 year old body. She is a total prude that always follows by the rules and doesn’t cause anyone trouble.
    She’s normally pretty predictable…until her OCD kicks in.

    One day when she wasn’t feeling good and was laying in my room she was staring out the sliding glass door from my bed. She started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she pointed out the window.
    “I know honey, we have a ugly back yard.”
    She then started to freak out. I tried to calm her down and figure out what was wrong. She sobbed, “The curtains are off centered.”
    I guess I don’t understand how something so small would set her off, because she’s the messiest kid in the world. She just DOES NOT like things to be uneven.

    Yesterday after school she came into my room as I was trying to locate the top of my bathroom counter and bedroom floor. I had turned on the TV and one of the shows I was Tivo’ing was on.
    “Mom…what happened to CSI?” She asked.
    “I watched them all.”
    “Good, I was tired of watching the episode about the plushie and furry convention. That racoon creeped me out. What show is this?”

    I know she wouldn’t know what it was and I probably shouldn’t have been so embarrassed, because…well, she is only 9 years old and wouldn’t know that I could be horribly teased for admiting to watching the show…but I still hummed and hawed about telling her.

    “It’s uh…Charmed.”
    No response.
    “You could change it…I don’t…well, I don’t nnnnnneeeeeeeed to watch it. I don’t really know what’s going on anyway. I stopped watching it after the first season..and well, yeah.”

    She watched the whole show and then told me that she wants me to save the episodes so she can watch them too. This surprises me. She’s more of a CSI, Law and Order, 60 Minutes type of child.

    I had to tell her that one of the sisters had died. I didn’t know WHEN it happened because like I mentioned, I stopped watching after the first season.
    “It’s the one that dressed up as a cowboy in the last episode.” I told her.

    The one that got kicked off was Pru. ( shannon doherty) Pru is the kick ass demon killer.
    Phoebe (Alyssa Malano) is the young fun one that gets in trouble all the time.
    Piper (Holly Marie Comes) is the down to earth, reasonable one.

    Alyx is just like Piper. She’s so level headed and diplomatic about everything.
    After I told Alyx which one died, she was really bummed out.
    “It’s okay Aly..at least it wasn’t Piper.”
    She then informed me that Piper is boring, she liked Pru the best because she went after the demons while the other ones just helped her.

    My daughter, the quiet and shy one…she would be a demon slayer! Her special power would be the power to frustrate the demon into submission by talking to him an adult voice and nagging reminders into him until he exploded!

  • alyx

    And the days go by like a strand in the wind in the web that is my own

    Every year on Alyx’s birthday cake I write, Happy 5th Birthday. I then have to put the real age on there. She came to me this year and asked that I remember that this was her NINTH birthday and not her FIFTH.

    When Alyx was little I told her that she couldn’t get any bigger and she promised me that if I let her turn 5 that she wouldn’t get any older or bigger.
    I let her turn five and try as she might, that little girl keeps getting bigger. She’s still the smallest girl in her class and she hasn’t moved into size 1 shoes yet. She’s trying.

    When Kara turned 9 I didn’t have any other child to reference the growth to. When I was talking to the anchor woman about Alyx I said, “She turns 9 tomorrow.” it wasn’t until I heard the woman say it on the news that it hit me. When Kara was 9 she was totally different than Alyx. The two girls are totally different in so many ways. Kara was more grown up. Alyx is more mature.
    Is it because I have more older kids in my house that it seems like Alyx is so much younger than Kara was?
    When Kara was nine I was thinking about going to a looney bin to cope. Kara challenged me every single day to be a stronger parent. I remember standing in the middle of the room jumping up and down screaming at a 9 year old and she stood across from me doing the same thing. If you had put boxing gloves on both of us, i’m sure she would have come out victorious.

    Alyx has never questioned my authority. She has never argued to get her point across. I don’t think she has ever even raised her voice at me. Because of this…I gave her the birthday party she always wanted.

    She got to invite all the girls from her class to the rollerskating rink. It was hot, it was muggy and it smelled funky, but she was so happy. All of the girls showed up and brought her neat toys.

    I want to take a second in the middle of this post to say thank you to my friend ‘Cita and my Beautiful friend Lisa. The other day I called them in a panic, “NEWS COMING. HELP!” They both showed up within 5 minutes and helped make sure the house was spotless before they got here. The crock pot is still in the stove and I can’t find vacuum cleaner, but the place looked great.
    They are always there to help me when I need them. I can’t remember a time I haven’t called them in tears and they got me laughing again.
    The birthday party was no different. ‘Cita, along with all the other adults, helped make sure the kids had a great time.

    When we got home we raced for the latest video game that has us bonding. Guitar Hero. If you have PlayStation 2 you have to get this game. I have mastered, “I love Rock and Roll” and “I wanna be sedated”. I’m still on the easy level though. It’s like that dance revolution game and Simon all in one.

    Alyx had a bunch of friends over playing baby dolls and Bratz.
    Looking at her holding the little baby, she almost looked 5 years old again.

    I think I should have gotten that agreement where she promised not to grow up, in writing.

    P.S. ‘Cita, don’t forget you’re picking up Alyx and Shea so I can go to the funeral.

  • alyx


    I have done one of the meanest things a parent can do to a child, outside of running over their cat. Which I may or may not have done during my college days.

    I numbered the Christmas gifts.

    Yes. I know. MEAN HUH? (this is where you hear me laughing like an evil loon)

    The girls came home from their dads and there is a pile of gifts under the tree.
    “YAY, GIFTS!!” They run towards the tree and pick up the multi colored boxes.
    “Mom? Who’s #4?”
    “You’ll find out on Christmas….unless…you can figure it out on your own.

    Oh the whining…Complaining…and then the “I’ll figure it out first!” threats.

    Everyday after school, Alyx has been setting aside a little time to figuring it out. She asks me very simple questions in hopes of finding out what the answer is.
    Today, after what sounded like a simple question, her eyes brightened and she rushed into the house.
    She had been asking one or two questions a day. Well, all those questions added up to the answer she was waiting for.

    “Mommy, if I get the answer right and show you how I got it, will you tell me if I’m right?”
    I made her promise that if she did get it she wouldn’t tell the other kids how she got the answer. She promised.

    Then she brought me the right answer.

    I told her that if anyone else figured it out because of her notes that I would take her presents away.

    She took a pair of scissors and cut up the paper in a million pieces.

    At this moment she is sitting in the living room laughing like a evil loon.

  • alyx


    Where the hell did this weekend go?
    Who took the weekend like a wet rag and RUNG IT OUT?

    The Ebay craze in our house is over the top. Alyx, our budding artist, has decided that she’s going to put up her picture of the Blog Frog she drew when he was here.
    When you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she says, “An Artist.” When Shaun moved in and brought all his paint brushes and paints it just fed her dream.

    Being the supportive mother I am, i’m going to promote the hell out of that picture for her.

    If you have Ebay, go check out the listing. Bid you want, but PLEASE at least put it on your ‘watching’ list so when Shaun shows her how many people are ‘watching’ her picture she will get excited.

    For my readers if you are the winning bidder (at ANY price) I will include a pair of Monkey Toe Socks. If you win, just send me an email.
    *note to Jessica Rabbit – your cursed monkey is on the way. I will not be held responsible for the fucked up hair days and reduced breast size that might occur after the monkey arrives.

    When Kara decided she wanted to be a singer, I bought her a karaoke unit. The sound of her trying to hit certain notes caused some hearing loss, but I’ll live.
    I guess I should be grateful that Alyx wants to be a artist and not a brain surgeon.

    Wait…..maybe I need to re-think this.

  • alyx,  friends,  Random and Odd

    Calling All Bloggers….

    I’m now 800 lbs. Not being able to get up out of bed, mixed with Charlottes mint chocolate chip cookies have enlarged me to a human tanker truck.

    I might need to rethink the whole ‘send me cookies’ requests.

    It’s 3am and I am on the last leg of my Nip/Tuck first season. Like I said in the comments, I am a tv, movie, books and music idiot. You need to keep me informed of cool shows. If it wasn’t for my back being out I would never know what a sweet girl Amber Frey was, Joey was a comic genius or that Nip/Tuck is…dare I say it? BETTER than Sopranos!

    The reason I hauled my ass out of my cookie crumb infested bed is to put out a request for help.

    Alyx is all in a tissy. Normally I wouldn’t feed this, but it looks like her precious Polly Pockets are slowly being pulled from the shelf so they can be replaced with Bratz or whatever the new fad in kids are into. Alyx LOVES Polly Pockets. She cleaned the game closet yesterday for 8 bucks so she could get this certain Polly. (Yes, 8 bucks is the going rate to clean my closets…anyone want to take on the ‘art closet’?)

    We can’t find Britain Polly. We found “French Polly” but not “Britain Polly” All I know is that it comes with 2 Pollys and she comes in a (I can’t believe I’m condoning her getting this stupid doll) she comes wearing a …. oh God, i’m going to spend the rest of my life paying for her therapy…a school girl outfit.

    If you happen to be in the toy store, drug store, porn shop…and you see this certain Polly, can you pick it up for me? I’ll pay you back. (I’ll have to clean the art closet first though)