This was my baby girl, Shea before she was even a year old. Today, she turns TEN.
“When is your birthday again?”
“MOM! it’s TOMORROW!”
Today was spent driving around like a mad woman getting balloons, cake and bike.
Another birthday disaster narrowly avoided.
Happy Tenth birthday, to the little girl in that picture, how I will ALWAYS see you!
Recently Alyx hooked herself up with a nifty, little pen pal and has been over the top with writing and buying stuff for her letters.
Shea is butthurt that she doesn’t have a pen pal.
Anyone have a little girl that wants to send letters and girlie stuff back and forth?
Still being in my ‘funky disco’ groove from the concert, I was blaring “She’s A Bad Mama Jama“ on the way over to drop the girls off at Dan’s for Karate. Shea and Alyx both know the song and they are grooving right along with me, singing just as loud as I am.
I’m reminded of the laugh that my sister got when I confessed to her that I never really knew what the singer was saying in this certain part of the song.
SIDENOTE: To fully be able to appreciate this part of the story you will have to know this song. If you’ve never heard this song, the humor will be lost on you…so just go read another blog or download the song.
Her body measurements are perfect in every dimension
She’s got a figure that’s sho’ ‘nuff gettin’ attention
She’s poetry in motion, a beautiful sight to see
I get so excited viewin’ her anatomy
My messed up lyric:
I get so excited with you, her, Adam and me.
So I decided because *I* had messed up the lyrics so bad for so long, I can only imagine how bad the kids are destroying them. I have them listen to that part of the song and then turned off the cd player. “What do you think he said right there, the part right after ‘beautiful sight to see’?”
Alyx looks at me all weird and makes me giggle with what she thought.
Shea pipes up from the back seat and it was pretty funny.
I share what I thought the lyrics were saying and of course, it was WAY worse than what they came up with so they get a bigger laugh at my expense.
After I turn the song back on, Shea asks, “What’s he saying RIGHT THERE?”
I say, ” She’s a bad mama jama”
Shea then lets out a big sigh and says, “Oh, Alyx was right.”
Knowing this is going to be good, I turn down the stereo just loud enough for her to sing what she thought the guy was saying.
As it came back around she sang, loudly, in key, “She’s got Batman Pajamas!”
I know I joke about peeing myself…but this time, full bladder loss. I really wish they could stay this age forever.
How to get me to stop yard work in a super second: Add one VERY large black widow under the dog bowl.
“Why did you take pictures of it instead of killing it?” he asks.
“Oh, I did…well, your dad did…I just took pictures of it first.” I answer.
Did you know that a puddle of bleach will not kill a black widow? I size 9 shoe will.
** Update **
Shea came into my room and said she was fweaking out about spidows. She saw me uploading the picture earlier and now all she can think about is spiders. She even informed me that one crawled on her in the bathroom.
Motherly instinct (aka: the ability to lie on the spot) kicked in and I told her to follow me to the bathroom. I looked on my shelf and I grabbed a bottle of Bath and Body Works-White Cotton Glimmer Lotion and managed to convince her that there was something in the ‘glimmer and glittery’ part of the lotion repels spiders and flying bugs.
“Why do spiders not like glitter?”
“I don’t know, Honey.”
“How do you know?”
“I looked it up on the internet.”
That seemed to be the confirmation that she needed. Why can’t everyone just take that type of reasoning for everything I say?
“Go clean your room.”
“Because I looked it up on the internet and that is what it said.”
“Alrighty then, if the internet said so…”
Tomorrow my youngest, my baby, my wee-widdle one will turn 9 years old.
I was laying here reading my children’s emails and figuring out which porn sites they had tried to visit without me knowing about it when the day hit me.
“Shaun. Tomorrow is Shea’s birthday.”
“Yeah. Anything planned?”
Yes, we are the worst parents ever.
Shea’s birthday is in the month personally known as ‘the month that kristine lost her damn mind’. It’s been 8 years that my world turned upside down and everything I know about myself was put to the test and I failed miserably.
May is always a hard month for me since. I battle with the person I was, the person I became and the person I am now.
She is three very different people and I am finally happy with the person I am after all the years of beating myself up for the mistakes I have made.
This is the first May since ‘kristine offically lost her damn mind’ that Dan has someone in his life that he is serious about and that seems to be making him happy.
I met her a few weekends ago and I like her. I hope..HOPE..and hope some more that she truly is sweet and kind as she portrayed herself to be. AND…she’s pretty. Actually, dare I say she is beautiful? Yeah, she is.
The best part is she loves the relationship that Dan and I have and isn’t threatened by our friendship.
Dan is in a house, he has someone who thinks he’s ‘all that’ and he’s happy.
I guess this should be the May that I let go of the guilt and let myself really, truly enjoy being as happy as I am.
Happy Birthday, Shea. I have feeling this year is going to be a big year for you. :)
The overwhelming support of Halo the
dumbadorable dog was staggering.
For the record; watermelon flavored dum-dums are the best.
Today I was on the computer in the kitchen watching some stuff on Ebay when I noticed that my ‘bookmark’ tab that runs along the top of the web browser said: WOM, which stands for Wave of Modulation. I made her website a tab that I would go to often because I didn’t want to miss any new pictures she posted. I had 2 hours before the item I am watching is up so I decided to check some blogs.
I have 2 types of crying. I have the type of crying that involves nothing but tears. The other type of crying involves crying and yelling. I don’t have anything in between.
Today I found a new type of crying.
I read WOM’s post today and at the end of it, with tears pouring down my face, I whimpered. Never before have I heard this type of pained crying.
My heart broke inside my chest and the only way to relieve the pain of it was to sob.
Halo, Satan’s Dog, heard me and came over and put her head on my leg. She began licking my hands. She was worried about me.
I told her that I was okay and I got up from the computer to go get some tissue. She followed me to the bathroom. I decided that I needed to wash something to try to stop the crying and she followed me into the laundry room. Even though she knows better than to come in the bedroom, she followed me in and kept licking my hands.
Maybe that dog isn’t so bad after all.
“Mom, can I have this?” Shea holds up a small green bear in a small half box type of thing.
“What is it?” I looked, but didn’t really see what she was showing. I was watching JOEY. No one told me that show was funny. Or maybe I was just medicated.
“It’s a gween bewr.” Her Boston accent is still as thick as it was when she was 5.
“A green bear?”
“Yeah. It says..aaaauuugggust. What does that mean?”
“Dunno.” Mild laughing at Joey being a total nerd. OH LOOK IT’S ANDRIANNA FROM SOPRANOS!
“So can I have it?” She asks again.
“Uh. yeah.” I turn up the volume as if my now super sonic medicated ears can’t hear the electricity pumping through the walls already. “WHOA WAIT! it might be someone’s.” I’m sucha good mom for thinking about the other children in the house.
“It says Aaaauggggust.” She puts in front of my face. “I think it’s a birthday bear. It has a little charm on it.”
“It’s probably Marina’s bear. Her birthday is in August.”
Kara comes in the room, as if on cue. “No, her birthday is in December.”
I can’t hear Joey and figure out who made the perfect lasagna if they keep talking.
“Whatever. Take it. It’s yours. It’s probably something one of you guys bought at a yard sale.”
FINALLY. Silence. LOL….that Joey is funny. I think I should take the other pill, it’s a double header of Joey followed by Will and Grace.
Something is tickling the back of my mind. Birthday. August.
Someone has a birthday in August. If I could just remember who….
Fuck. I am the worst girlfriend EVER.
It’s amazing that Shea is still alive.
I was living in my apartment and had the girls only half the time. I was battling with an unnamed depression and a feeling of doom. Later I find out that it was postpartum depression and anxiety attacks. This is why I am amazed that child is still around after what she did to me.
She was about 3 years old when I had them at my tiny apartment for the weekend. I remember it was a Sunday and I would be sitting on my couch watching football and doing laundry. The girls would be playing with all the toys they had packed from Dad’s house.
I was sitting on the computer checking my email when I heard Kara say, “Ooooohhh Sheaaaaaaa. Mom’s going to be SOOO mad!”
I got up from my desk/dinnertable, which was a green plastic outside patio set to find Shea had found a blue Sharpie pen and had taken it to my white leather couch. Now don’t go thinking it was a high priced couch. It wasn’t. I got it from the neighbor who put it out for charity to take and I cleaned it all up and was happy to have something to plant my ass on in MY apartment. It was MY couch. MINE, not OURS…but MINE. I loved that couch that now looked like a large Etch a Sketch.
She knew she was in trouble because she booked it for the bedroom while I took every cleaning agent I had to see if I could salvage my couch. Note: Baby wipes work on white leather to get blue Sharpie out. kind of.
I decided my best bet was to throw a blanket over the mess and try not to seriously freak out and think my life was coming to an end because of this. I resumed checking my email.
“SHEA!” I hear Kara yell again.
“WHAT NOW? I get up to find Shea has relocated the blue Sharpie and is drawing INSIDE THE TOILET!” I pick her up, take the blue Sharpie out of her hand, open the sliding glass door and chuck it out into the parking lot.
“Guess who is going to take a nap?” I ask her and she puts her head on my shoulder like an angel. “UGH!” I can’t be mad when she does this. I put her in her play pen and inform Kara that I am going to take a shower and to watch her sisters.
FIVE MINUTES. I didn’t even shave my legs! I get out and Shea is standing in the living room pulling the blanket off couch.
“Kara! Why did you get Shea out of her playpen?” I ask my then 8 year old that is playing Sega on the floor with her other sister.
“I didn’t.” she never even looks up.
I go into the bedroom and there it is. A PERFECT ROUND CIRCLE cut out of the mesh side. I’m standing there like Chandler from Friends for a whole minute looking at the hole, looking at Kara, looking at Shea and mumbling and pointing.
“WHOA. Wait a second here. KARA put down the Sega and look at me.” She turns around and sees Shea sitting behind her.
“How did she get out of her play pen?” She asks.
“THERE IS A HOLE CUT INTO THE SIDE.” I try not to yell.
She goes in and looks at the hole and looks at me instantly, “I swear I didn’t do it!”
We turn around and see Shea and Alyx standing in the doorway.
“Who did this?” I can’t believe I am asking a 3 and 4 year old who cut a PERFECTLY round hole into a side of a meshsided play pen.
Shea pulls from her back a pair of scissors I didn’t even know I had.
“HOLY SHIT!” I take the scissors away from her and thank GOD and everyone else that she didn’t kill herself with them.
“How did you get these?” I don’t know why I asked her, she couldn’t even talk and the only person that could communicate with her was Alyx.
Alyx. The angel. The child that does no wrong…BURSTS into tears and shamefully admits that Shea TOLD her to get her some sissors so she could get out. Shea MADE HER.
“You cut that hole?” I ask Alyx.
“No, Shea did.” I’m still baffled by this, but i’m past the point of being able to deal with it.
I turn the part with the hole towards the wall and push it up close so she can’t get through it and I put Shea back in her playpen where she instantly goes looking for her escape route.
“Alyx you tell your sister that she better stay in there or I am going to be SO mad!”
I take off my robe and put on a pair of shorts and tank top and resume checking my mail.
“SHEA!” Kara yells again.
THAT IS IT…how much trouble could she have gotten into while in her play pen? She’s not in her playpen. She’s standing in the living room smiling like a loon with her fingers in her mouth.
I stand up and the green plastic chair is stuck to my ass. I sit back down and try to stand up again. The green plastic chair comes with me. I push the arms of the chair down. Nope, it’s not coming off. I sit back down and PULL myself up and hear the sound of the green plastic tearing from the seat of the chair. I touch the back of my favorite shorts and there is now a part of my chair STUCK to my shorts along with some very sticky substance that instantly hardens on my fingers.
“Kara. Did you put superglue on my chair?” She would seem like the logical person to ask.
I look at the angel child staring up at me. “Alyx?” I almost feel like I am betraying her by asking her.
“MOM!? no!” I apologize and look at Shea.
“Bay?” She shakes her head no.
I realize that a stunt like this can’t be pulled off without some trace of evidence. I turn around see that the superglue is on the bookshelf where I left it and it’s stuck to it because the lid wasn’t put back on.
“Show me your hands.”
Kara puts her hands in front of her. Nothing.
Alyx puts her hands in front of her. Nothing.
Shea looks at them and puts her hands out and I see that her forefinger and thumb are stuck together and all that cute hand chewing was her trying to gnaw through the glue to free her fingers.
“Pack it up kids, you’re going to your father’s house.”
I kept the shorts. They are in Shea’s baby box of stuff. I hope she has 3 little girls JUST like her when she’s all grown up. The curse has been set into motion.
I don’t even know why I keep going.
Anyway, I stole that picture from Shea.
If you hadn’t heard, she broke her camera…and then tried to lie to me about it.
“It was wike that when I opened it up. I pwomise.”
“Shea. The flash is cracked and the battery and card holder is smashed!”
*Shrug* “I downt know.”
I threatened bodily harm if she didn’t tell me the twuth..er..truth. She fessed up and we had to call paw-paw to tell him what she did to the camera he bought her a year ago. So for her birthday this year he got her a new camera. *rolling eyes* Spoiled brat.
Well then Alyx made a sly comment about not owning a camera so my dad ordered her a camera today.
YES PEOPLE I KNOW. We have a problem. There will now be 10 digital cameras in this house next week.
SPF – I made a little thingy do bob to put on the left hand side of the blog, directly under the crazy lady with the camera attached to her face. See it? (look to your left and up a little bit) I will post the upcoming things for us to take snap shots of.
Upcoming this FRIDAY:
Your “Relaxing” place
Your Medicine Cabinet
Souvenir from a great trip
Bonus points if your souvenir is a bottle of something relaxing you have in your medicine cabinet!!