July 8, 2006

  • Random and Odd,  The Fonz,  Wedding

    My boobs…gracing the internet.

    Look at that! My rack on the internet for all the world to see!

    I spent the weekend with my mom and shot a wedding tonight. I swear, I have thee best job, EVER. I get to eat wedding cake twice or more a month. Heaven. I’m in HEAVEN.

    Tuesday morning I leave for LAS VEGAS! I’m finally excited. It might be because I have a rockin new hairdo! My sister rocks the house with color a pair of scissors. Be jealous. Be VERY jealous.

    I’m repeating myself huh? Huh?

    Also, if this weekend wasn’t fantabulous, I got the icing on the cake…On the way home from the wedding shoot tonight, Shaun said to me; “Out all the weddings we have shot, you are still the most beautiful bride. I haven’t seen a more beautiful bride yet.”


    Dear Lord, please let this “up” feeling last for a little longer before the panic and anxiety take over.

    *happy dance*

  • The Fonz,  Wedding

    One Week…

    I came home to a younger looking Shaun! He looked so refreshed. I think the 4 days without screaming and giggling girls might have given him that rested look.
    Out of spite, I let the girls invite a couple of loud girlfriends over and they giggled until 3 am. He’s looking haggard again and all is right in the world.

    We are down to ONE week.

    You all freaking out? I am. I got a letter in the mail. I am OFFICIALLY DIVORCED!
    I’m also divorced, engaged and getting married all in ONE WEEK.

    When I got home I had boxes from Amazon. Big Heavy had sent me some cooking dishes. You know what this means right? Yep, I need to learn how to cook!
    I also came home to a nice ‘prayer shawl’ that I had admired on MrsDof’s website a long time ago. It’s blue. I am blessed. Thank you so very much!

    My online bridal shower was so much fun. We have decided that we need to all get together and do that more often. If we can’t meet in person, we will at least get together in a chat room and talk about sex and other things that made Nilbo’s ears tingle.

    Mom and sister were fantastic. I asked Kathy if I should get my eyebrows waxed and she said I just needed a few strays plucked. We laughed so hard as she plucked out my virgin eyebrow hairs. I had never in my life had a eyebrow wax or even had to pluck so this was an interesting experience. I would make it through 5 plucks before I would scream, “KELLY CLARKSON!”

    My sister in law, Terrie is out of this world with a sewing machine. She fixed the girls dresses in the bust area. My girls are bustless and the dresses we go had some room in there that we needed removed. She made the flower girl baskets. WONDERFUL woman that I need to give a huge thank you card to!

    Now all we need to do is go through the walk through and pick the music.

    ….and not faint before I make it to the alter.

    ONE WEEK. Holy crap. ONE WEEK and I get to be Mrs. Kristine Baland.

  • Dashababy,  Shaun,  The Fonz,  Wedding

    Thanks for all the emails and kind comments from this morning’s anxiety post. I lasted about two more hours and then I broke down in hysterical tears that woke Shaun up enough where he said he wasn’t going to hear anymore of the ‘i’m fine’. He got up and had to get me water because I was crying and unable to breath all together.

    It was around 5 am that the sobbing finally slowed down and I had heard, “nothing bad is going to happen.” about 67 times and the double dose of Xanax kicked in.
    I tried to explain to him, “It’s like someone very close to me just tragicly died.” is the only way to explain the pain I was in.

    The perfect seque:

    I had my bridal shower on Saturday. It went well. I’m the proud owner a waffle iron and many large towels. My future mother-in-law and my own mother looked like they had lots of fun picking out new stuff for me. I am very lucky to have the friends and family that I do. I’m grateful for all of them.
    I’m pretty sure i’ve mentioned it before that I’m not too good with crowds or parties that would put me right smack in the middle of attention. Between my friends and family when we are together we share the spotlight and there is no pressure to entertain. When the thought of a bridal shower came up I thought, ‘mmmm, cake’ and hadn’t really thought the whole thing through.
    “You have to register SOMEWHERE Kristine!” My friend, ‘Cita and my beautiful friend, Lisa insisted. They are smarter than I am when it comes to stuff like this so they drug me to Bed, Bath and Beyond and handed me a gun. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the one I could shoot myself in the head with. I had to be bribed with a Latte if I was a good girl and could decide on some stuff.
    I kept asking, “Is this good? Can I ask for this?”
    They kept looking at me as if I were nuts, “I don’t think people will think you’re too weird for asking for towels.”

    The day before the shower the panic attacks started. There was some things that had popped up that I tried to just ignore and pretend like they weren’t that big of a deal, but as it got closer I realized I was going to have to deal with some of it.
    By Saturday morning I was begging Shaun to find a way out of it because I was I was going to die if I had to go to my own shower and be the center of all that attention.
    My mom said I only had to go for an hour. She lies, but it was good enough to get me in the car.
    Shaun had gone over earlier in the day to help ‘Cita decorate and showed up before we left. “You’ll do fine. We’ll get you drunk when you get home okay?”

    My friend, ‘Cita was all stressed out and in order to try to calm her nerves, I tried to pull it together long enough to help her stress level to come down.
    Why do bridal or baby showers have to be so stressful for everyone involved?

    I heard things like, “What do your flowers look like?” “What kind of cake are you having?” “Who’s doing the food?”
    I just shrugged, because even though the wedding is July 8th…I haven’t gotten those things figured out. Shut up, I know…I get married in 32 days and these things should have been taken care of.
    Someone said to me, “Just get what you need, one thing at a time.” and that is what I have been doing.
    It came down to flowers or Tyler’s yearbook.
    Tyler got his yearbook.
    The flowers will have to come later.

    After it was over I got to spend some time with my mom and sister. Yes, true to Shaun’s promise he got me drunk.
    I got to dance with my mom and sister, laugh and giggle.

    They have all the pictures because I didn’t even pick up the camera ALL weekend. You’re going to have to beg my sister for the picture of me looking like a goober all souped up on Captain Morgan.
    If you beg in her comment section, she’s likely to post the picture of Shaun’s big ol’ noggin too.

  • Wedding

    guess what sunk in today?

    My Dad came down and bought the girl’s dresses. They get here June 6th. I couldn’t order the other dresses because it took 12 weeks to be delivered. I will be married in 10 weeks.

    Shaun and Tyler got fitted for their tuxes today and THAT is when it hit me. That term, ‘ton of bricks’ kinda made sense for the first time in my life.
    I’m getting married. again.

    I’m going to be ‘remarried’.


  • Wedding

    A Day In The Life Of Someone Else…

    mas·och·ism (aka: Wedding Dress Shopping)

    1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
    2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
    3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

    No, there was no sexual gratification had from looking for wedding dresses.
    BUT, there was much physical and emotional abuse, humiliation, mistreatment and unpleasant experiences.

    Mom and Kathy came down to help me find the ‘The Perfect Dress’. We picked up ‘Cita along the way and … well…Shaun too. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME! Yes, I brought a man to a wedding dress store! I made him sit there! I made him watch as we paraded lame dress after lame dress! AND HE HATED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I didn’t even feel bad for a second because I HAD TO WEAR THE DAMN THINGS!

    We had a system. Mom and ‘Cita scouted out dresses while Kathy fanangled a way to get them on me. I think Kathy had better luck dressing me when I was 5 years old then she did this weekened.
    “Come on, Kris…if you try it on, I will buy you a lollipop when we leave here.”
    “Kathy…I hate this dress, don’t make me.” I think I might have stomped my feet a few times.

    Mom thought one of those type of dresses that hug my body all the way to my feet would look good. After Kathy convinced me that she would smother my mother in her sleep if I tried it on, she admited that it didn’t look as good as she thought it would. She mumbled something about me looking like a sausage link about to explode as she walked off to find another dress that would then make me look like a clown.
    We tried on every dress within my limited price range and style preference. I looked like everything from a school teacher to a breakfast burrito. NOTHING fit right. I hated everything. The last dress was going to be the LAST dress because I was DONE.

    And it was the last dress we went with. Yes, Random and Odd readers…I have a dress to get married in.

    I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do that again though.

  • Random and Odd,  Wedding

    SPF: March 10th

    March 10th – like yesterday’s paper…
    1. Your Garbage Can

    2 Your ‘Junk’ Drawer

    3. Your Trunk
    I was going through the last of my suggestions for things to do for SPF (hint) and I found one that William suggested.
    He suggested: heros and villians. This is a great suggestion and I want to do it, but I can’t this week, or next week…or the week after that. Other than myself, I have only two other ‘villians’ and I shouldn’t be posting pictures of them.
    I do want to do this theme and I will. I promise. Just let me get through some bitterness before I do it.

    Your garbage can. Strange yes, but i’m guessing we get a lot of different types of cans.
    That junk drawer, AS IS. No cleaning it out…you hear me Kami? NO CLEANING IT. Just open it up and show us what you have.
    The next is trunk because if you’re like me…and I am finding out, YOU ARE ALL RANDOM AND ODD…you have piles of junk in the trunk.

    oh, and let it be known – My Birthday… THIS MONTH.

  • Wedding

    Bad Moon Rising

    Some people like the rain. I’m not one of them. It depresses me. Yesterday it sort of snuck up on me so I wasn’t too bothered by it. Today I woke up to it all dark and ugly outside. It made me achy.
    I worked out on Sunday and over did the leg machine and I still hurt.
    I know, I know…drink water, stretch, alter days, blah blah blah. I hate working out. I do. I hate getting dressed to go to the gym. I hate driving to the gym. I hate the smell of a gym. I hate the beeping of the machines at the gym. I hate the ‘rush’ you get. I hate the way my body wants to kick my ass for doing something that hurts me in the long run.
    So yes, I hate the gym. I’m not going to stop going though and I will tell you the story of why I will continue to go to the gym even though I loathe it.

    Last weekend I drug everyone to the bridal show at the mall so we could pick up some books and ideas. I might have also went because there could have been a chance of some sort of chocolate fountain or cake testing.

    We headed home after we looked at all the booths and poked fun at the cheezy DJ’s. Shaun saw a bridal mart on the way home and since we were all in the mood, we pulled over and went in.
    If you’re in the market for a 1983 wedding dress, we found the place. The dresses were only a hundred bucks and if I looked hard enough I might be able to find something I liked. ONE. I found ONE dress.

    ‘Cita and I grabbed the dress and headed into the dressing room.

    “I don’t know, Kris. This sort has a snag on the front. We would have to get it dry cleaned…” She tried to fix the snag with her finger while I wrestled with the strapless bra they provided.

    “For a hundred bucks, I will get it dry cleaned. I’m only going to wear the thing for 4 hours and then it goes in a bag in my closet.”

    With some help I got the dress over my head and pulled down to right about my waist.

    I pulled down on the hem, but for some strange reason, it wouldn’t go any further than the waist.

    Instead of asking what the problem is, ‘Cita grabbed the hem and helped me pull it down, but encountered the same problem as I did. “What the hell?”
    She requested that I turn around so she could pull the dress down in the back and since I am SO good at following orders I turned around.

    The look of horror on her face made me ask what the problem was.

    “Turn around and look.” I did.

    My ass. My square ass was blocking the damn dress from coming down. The dress fell like a curtain around my window shaped bare ass. Do you get the picture I am drawing for you? I looked like I was mooning someone from my house window.
    I burst into laughter because after the horror of it all sunk in, the humor of it was just too much. “Get it off.” I laughed and now it looked like ‘Cita was trying to save me from a aligator that had swallowed me. “PULL!” and she was…but she was laughing to hard and she couldn’t get a good grip.

    After trying to tug the dress off for 30 seconds I said, “Stop. ‘Cita. Stop.” We were giggling so hard that neither one of us was getting to far. “We are going to have to pull it together long enough to get this dress off of me.” we didn’t stop laughing the whole time, but we got the dress off.

    As we were walking out the other brides trying on dresses looked at us like we had smoked a bowl in the dressing room. They couldn’t look TOO snooty for God’s sake, they were trying on dresses that I wore during my first wedding 13 years ago!

    Whenever we need a good laugh now we will always remember the time in the dressing room when my ass decided that I would not be wearing a 1983 gown at my 2006 wedding.

  • Wedding

    Living it up…

    I want to talk about something that is going on in my life as of yesterday, but I also don’t want to.
    It doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting to share it, it’s just really sad and I haven’t wrapped my mind around it yet. I was hoping when I went to my sister’s blog today that I would find she had already took care of it, but she wrote about a good time in our lives.

    Today we went and put the down payment down on the place we are going to get married. The kids got all excited when we showed them the upstairs where we would be getting our dresses on and the stairs we would be walking down.
    Shaun had convinced them earlier that the place was haunted so it was fun to watch them jump everytime we entered a new room.

    After signing the contracts I went looking for my family.
    They were all downstairs in the ‘Groom’s Closet’. This a room below the house that is a non functioning bar with a pool table, pinball machine and foozball. I would like to think that my mom and sister would be hanging out with me upstairs while I get ready for the wedding, but I can already see my mother downstairs pretending she can’t play a lick of pool and then taking all the guy’s money after she smokes them with her patented ‘corner pocket shot’.

    It’s starting to all feel real …and I’m getting excited.

  • Wedding



    Your suggestions for the flower girl dresses really got me fired up. I love the online stores. They are SO much cheaper online than at David’s Bridal, but it was good for me to get out and start the process.

    This week, I need some ideas for cakes! Shaun brought home a flyer from Albertsons. I bought my first wedding cake from Albertsons and I have NO complaints. If you have any good / bad cake stories, please share them with me.

    Help me pick one out too. If there is a cake you’re in love with, please send me the link!

  • Wedding

    Here Comes The Flower Girl…..

    You all modivated me to go out and have the girls try on some dresses.

    Thanks Everyone…we didn’t buy any, but tried on EVERY SINGLE DRESS in the store.

    I’m pretty sure the sales lady lost chunks of hair and is now at home drinking Jack Daniels straight from the bottle!